Blah Blah Blah

Shrouded under mystery is the truth of the cliche "express your emotions freely." 'Shrouded', I use, as I myself have lost all belief in it, for my experiences in trying out an enterprise as the phrase suggests have always landed me, to put the blow softly, in a soup, whereas all those whom I know, grandiosely tilt the balance in favour of it, as evidently, their experiences in trying out schemes of the same aforementioned key have landed them, so to speak, amongst the Garden of Eden.

It is often said that being expressful of one's emotions is considered as being sentimental. Although being "senti" - as it is famously phrased - is considered as a part of life, it is also often ridiculed as leading one's own mind to astray and more importantly, it is attached to a person with a weak mind and one who has no control over it. [Since feelings are considered more a part of 'heart'-issue than the 'mind', I guess you can score off the 'mind' and replace with 'heart' in the previous sentence!]

Yet, as humans, one comes across situations in life invariably when one has to lay the facts bare, stop beating around the bush, and hit the button of "Moment of Truth." There is no use brooding what might happen if blah-blah-blah, or if I dont blah-blah-blah, for one will know only when the blah-blah-blah is blah-blah-blahed!!

And once the ball of the blah-blah-blah is atlast pushed across the court with as much power (and heart!) as one could muster, the recipient receives it in either of the two ways. [Mind you, if this blog was about just putting one's tender emotions toward another person, perhaps, sandal-slapping would have been one of the two ways, but then again, gone are those days. However, this blog is more about generic expressing of one's beliefs, emotions and thoughts about whatsoever topic to whomsoever it may concern]

Recipient could either hear it as the key to The Blue Skies, and swing in harmony with the blah-blah-blah and agree wholeheartedly, or as demurely and politely as one can enact such dramatic scenes, refuse to accept or acknowledge the rings of truth bearing in the blah-blah-blah. While it is true that the former will feel like 'One small step for man, one giant leap for humanity', the latter has an equivalent irreparable reverse effect of 'One small step for man, one giant leap into a sucking swamp.'

Or maybe the Providence backs only those who say the right things at the right time in the right way. Whatever it is, either Providence is not backing me up or my life has a lousy sense of timing or my mannerisms of putting the point across needs a lot of restructuring or, hitting the very core, perhaps my basic thinking has to be scrutinised, most of my frank outpourings of thoughts and emotions have left me to conclude, plainly and simply, that it should not be done! For in most cases, it has not just pulled me into the swamp, it has also pulled the recipient into a labyrinth of complications, and if there is one worst thing in life that can happen, it is putting someone else into pain for your sake.

It is hence that I started believing, "Somethings are best remained unsaid."

The Grass is Green

Such is the life of an employed that one cannot construe to derive any pleasures out of it, but yet goes through with it day in and day out in another one of those shoulder-needed-to-lean-on rigmaroles of life which a human has to endure nevertheless, not just for the sake of going through with it, but for a dual purpose of walking on the streets with head held high and chin up, as if challenging the rising of the Sun every day, and for the second more important reason of satisfying the tantrums of the once-in-three-hours scheduled rumbling tummy. It is at times like this that one wishes to go back to the aeons of the innocent schoolhood when all one has to do is study when its nearing exams, eat when mom forces and sleep an angel's sleep without a feather of a worry.

But then again comes the numbing memories of nerve racking experiences faced during schoolhood with sleepless nights and month long exams and incomprehensible Geometrical problems added with memorising mindless Economical Five year plans and unretentive Biological terms and what not. It is at times like those, when waiting for the school bus, there was a dream of that day of Graduation when atlast farewell is bid to education, followed by a nice pay-packet job, enabling to whiz away with one's own bike, and Vitamin M to flutter, leading to think that there will be no more tensions and no more nightouts and no more formulae to memorise.

Ironical!

But then again, as the wise men have said, the grass is always greener on the other side. Is there an "other side"?!!

A Promise is a Promise

I am a great lover of movies. Blame it on genes perhaps. My granddad on mom's side is a movie freak. Even to this day he never misses any movie that comes on the local channels, be it a repeat telecast or a new one. And he enjoys it to the core and laughs the same infectious laugh which he would have laughed when he would have first seen it!

However, this inheritance of watching-all-movies-aired is not so much in me as much as it is in him, and I just taste the "few good ones". I tasted one such movie yesterday named "The End of the Affair" and was overwhelmed by it! Based on a novel by Graham Greene, this movie was fascinating in its screenplay. The flow of the story was gripping and was extremely touching in the end. Set in the background of the World War II, it depicts the story of a man and a woman who fall intensely in love. Needless to say, the story requiring it, there are quite a few scenes which ought not to be seen with children playing around, but the point I would like to emphasise more on is crude nature of life that set me thinking, can Man win against Fate?

This blog is not related to the first para (my liking for movies) nor related to the second para (review of 'The End of the Affair'). This is more to do with a miraculous scene in the movie wherein one sacrifices for the betterment of the loved one by way of a promise, and when the loved one really gets better, would one be strong enough to hold onto the promise? As its mentioned in the movie "I took a promise and challenged Fate, and Fate accepted it. But then, now I realise, I am just a weak human. I cannot hold onto my promise. I am tired. I cannot go on any longer fighting. I have failed."

That set me thinking. Will I fail too?

Communication

Date : May 1st 2006
Location : Onsite
Mode of communication : Yahoo Messenger
A to B : "Is X coming onsite?"
B does not know.

Date : May 2nd 2006
Location : Onsite
Mode of communication : Email
B to C : "X might come onsite. Right?"
C does not know.

Date : May 2nd 2006
Location : Onsite
Mode of communication : Mobile Phone
C to D : "I heard X is coming onsite. True?"
D does not know.

Date : May 2nd 2006
Location : Onsite (to Offshore)
Mode of communication : Orkut
D to E : "X is coming onsite."
E does not know.

Date : May 3rd 2006
Location : Offshore
Mode of communication : SMS
E to X : "You are going onsite."
X does not know.

Date : May 3rd 2006
Location : Offshore
Mode of communication : Verbal
X to Manager : "Am I going onsite?"

Manager to X : "No."

Picture Perfect

The waves lapped at my feet. The sand around was warm. The breeze was light. It was a clear blue sky. The sun rays was just about perfect. A serene atmosphere. Picture of peace and tranquility.

I gazed out at the ocean. It was just water, water and water all round, stretching for miles and miles, from east to west, till the horizon became a dim and thin margin between the ocean and the azure sky.

There was something about an ocean which always kept me in rapt attention. It made me gaze at it for hours together without getting bored. Perhaps it is due to the enormity and near-omnipresence Divine feel. The silence in the air brought clarity to thought. The swish-swashing of the waves was like God trying to listen to one's thoughts. I could relate to the feeling of being "One with the Universe."

She was sitting beside me. I looked at her and gave her a smile. She smiled back. There were a thousand things going on in my head and I wanted to tell a hundred of them to her, and yet, I didnt, and nor did she prod me. I am sure the same thoughts were going through her. There was a mutual respect for each other's personal space. In spite of no conversation, we felt at ease, and there was nothing awkward about the companionable silence.

Just her very presence added that much more charm to the already beautiful natural setting. I felt blessed and did not want the blissfulness to end. The past did not worry me and nor did the future, while I sank in the perfect harmony of the present.

It was one of those rare occasions when one feels the swelling joy of Life being complete.