Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The Turning Point

A single incident is sufficient for changing the nature of a relationship.

All it needs is one action. The action might not be significantly big but even a small sensitive issue is enough to blow the granite off between the pathway of 2 individuals. It might not even be an action, or an issue. Even the choice of one's set of words employed to convey something, or the general behaviour is good enough to turn the tide.

The incident might be of whatsoever nature and of no importance to all concerned, but it is sufficient to bring about a change in the perception of the recipient. And it is this change in the perception that will then on lead to a change in general overall behavior, perhaps to ignorance, and even upto separation.

Often, the reason for the change of attitude might never be specified. Probably because of the low magnitude of the actual event, albeit its significance. Nevertheless, there will be a change. Like an invisible wall being built between the two. This wall will gradually grow thicker and then there will come a time when the two can no longer be connected in whatsoever fashion.

Occasionally, this will happen even due to communication gap or misunderstanding. An action will be interpreted in a totally different manner and building one theory upon another, the mind being good in always accumulating ill thoughts than nice, pleasant ones, it takes a long time to explain the real rationale and the True Intent. The best way to prevent this, however, will be to break that wall as early as possible and come to terms. But, letting the construction of the wall go on without interrupting will only lead to The Ultimate Separation.

However, more often than not, it shall be perceived right and the sunset commences. It is not that one should be beware of such situations, but the fact remains that a single action is sufficient to shut the relationship off like a switch.

It has happened to me too. I cannot continue to be the same way I am to someone close to me if I perceive something that is done by that someone which is against The Basic Principles and something that really puts me off. I have been at the receiving end as well when people have just turned their backs to me and walked off due to some actions of mine.

It is heartening. As they say, 'Once the damage is done, it stays forever' and 'Crossing the Point of No Return.' Sad, but true.

For those of you who sense a change in me towards you, you now know why!
And for those of you who walked out on me, please do forgive and forget....

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Another day in paradise

The sky was blue. The air was crisp. The bees droned happily. The birds chirped merrily. The dew drops on the grass was fresh. It was like the world just had a fresh bath!

I felt great! As if someone had come and put all my worries and thoughts into a gunnybag and kicked it out of my mind and soul. I felt light and easy. The weight of the burden on my shoulder seemed to have been magically lifted.

I felt like a kid again. I went dancing along the road with a sprightly gaiety mouthing a ta di da di da! There was an infectious smile on my lips. Things looked beautiful all around. It was as if nothing wrong can ever happen in this nice and wonderful world!

Its true about one's apparel building up one's attitude. The dress, the clean-shaven face, the combed hair, the after shave - all added to the Goodness of the Ambience. I met a few people whom I knew and exchanged bonhomie and mutual praises! It always feels good to talk to people who respect and honour the relationship and the individual.

The mood was upbeat, the innocence was childish, the feel-good factor was high, the energy within was rejuvenating, the radiance was glowing, the feeling was one that of liberation!

It does feel good to free one's thoughts and worries once in a while and live the life of a kid to enjoy another day in paradise...

Saturday, June 24, 2006

How are you?

How does one answer to the simple question of 'How are you?' Should one fake it and say 'Good' and follow it up with a polite 'How about you?' even though the last thing that one wants to know is how the other person is doing?

There is no simple answer to this simple question. How am I what? How am I doing health-wise? How am I doing professionally? How is Life treating me? How am I feeling right now? Essentially, 'How are you?' is an incomplete question.

Perhaps, the question deserves a response for a thought which is on top of the head or for filling up an information gap. Like if I was met with an accident or had fallen ill and I go to office after a week, the 'How are you?'s are to be received with 'Much better, thank you. Still a long way to go to be up and about.' Adds a dose of self-pity and a reminder to others to be polite and understanding! Been working late for days together, and not working smart? The 'How are you?'s are to be received with 'Hanging in there' or 'Just breathing.' Again, adds a dose of self-pity and shows how much of hard work is being put in!

And for people wanting to be truly honest, and thinking the person who asked the question really wanted to know, they can start off with their feelings on almost all topics that is currently concering them! For most other situations, a rhetoric and meaningless 'Good' will do good enough.

The relationship shared between the requestor and requestee also matters in the response. If its just an acquaint, it would involve a short 5-second exchange. If perhaps, its more of a What-the-hell-happened-to Ganguly? relationship, you might as well dwell in a bit about what a dog's life it is. Climbing up the ladder of relationships, if its friendship, a 'How are you?' will be met with words of truth to which one can relate to easily. If its more of a spousal relationship, such a question might just about break the dam and make the tears flow, or equivalently but less likely, might start a hand-in-hand sprightly dance!

Perhaps it is a shortened version for the question 'If you were to rate between 1 and 10 as to your current status of Life, 1 being best and 10 being worst, what would you rate it today?' And perhaps, people with a habit of colouring their days with the appropriate shades, they might choose black as a very bad day and blue being a cheerful one! So then, a typical conversation will be like :

'How are you?'
'Hmm, 6. And you?'
'Oh ok. Good!'

Neither of them will know what they are talking about, but atleast it stops your lie clock from ticking each time you utter a false 'Good'!

There are a 100 things that will be going on in the head and when someone asks how am I, what should I give preference to and what should I partialise against? What should I lie and what should I hide? That in itself will become the 101st thing to think about!!

How am I?

Monday, June 19, 2006

The Second Defeat

How does it feel to lose a second time in life?
How does it feel to lose a second time in life in exactly the same manner?

How does it feel to lose the second eye as well?
How does it feel to get the second leg amputated as well?

How does it feel to become a widow a second time?
How does it feel to lose the second son in the exact same manner as how the first son was lost?

How does it feel to lose the father an year after losing the mother?
How does it feel to lose the grandmom after losing the granddad?

How does it feel to lose in a World Cup Final the second time?
How does it feel to experience the dejavu of the First Defeat and yet helplessly do nothing about it?

How does it feel to lose again?
How does it feel to die again?

Passion about Cricket

Cricket has been a passion to me since childhood. It was the era when Sachin was rising in glory and every match of his - or perhaps I should say - every innings of his was watched with abated breath. An uncanny expectation from him to score a century each time he went to crease and save the team from the ignominy of a Defeat became an expectation which was almost always fulfilled!

There were times when India lost by a whisker and the rest of the day would go in mourning. There were times when we swore for mistakes committed on the field. There were times when we jumped up and down when the opposition's wicket was taken. Cricket, in short, was a game which replaced food, hunger and sleep.

However, much of this passion was lost once I came to US. Perhaps it was because we never used to watch the game live. Perhaps it was because of the inappropriate time zones. It was during general friendly chat sessions that I was aware of cricket matches involving India and respective scores. I, for one, thought, gone was the passion...

And then came the Fidelity-Infy Cricket Championship Cup for Infoscions in US working for Fidelity client. It was a memorable day! Especially because the team representing our group won and more so due to the fact that I re-discovered my passion after a very long time! The passion of shouting, cheering, swearing, kicking, advising - all of which comes only when there is a high level of competitiveness on a sports ground.

It felt nice to be passionate again!

PS: Here is the link for some of the snaps...

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Damned if I do and Damned if I dont

I stood before Him with clasped hands and bowed with respect, and started pouring out all my troubles and worries mentally. It was with a heavy heart that I had come to the Temple and I was hoping that He will help me out of all my thoughts. There were so many things going wrong and it was as if Destiny had its arms tightly clasped around me, and I was gasping for breath. The feeling I had was one that of falling down in a bottomless well and waiting nervously for that sudden thud of jarring bones.

In the middle of my outpourings of professional and personal issues causing heaviness of the heart, I stopped short. There was once a mail forward which I had read about being one of the best speeches given. It starts off with the orator beginning with "1+1=2. 2+2=4. 3+3=9." While the audience was silent for the first 2 equations, the last equation brought about a murmur of discussion. This, the orator then tells, is habitual of men. In a world of things being right and wrong, there is always more emphasis on the negative aspects of life, and strangely it stands out tall more than the nice and pleasant ones. Even the newspapers having headlines of train accidents, bomb blasts, kidnappings, etc. are a proof of this.

There were innumerable things which had worked out marvellously in my Life, and here I am complaining to God about a dozen things which were not going right and which was making me sad. I apologised, and started thanking God for all the great things I had had because of Him instead of complaining about things which were not going right.

Once I was done thanking, which was understandably quick (!), the mind popped off again to the heaviness of the heart. After all, if I dont tell my problems to God, to whom shall I pour forth? "When God be there with you, it does not matter who is against." Moreover, my mom keeps saying "Sankata bandaga Venkataramana". Its as if God likes to be like a Godfather wherein people come and tell their problems so that he can solve them. It sort of makes Him feel important and powerful! For, if people did not have problems, then who would come to Him!!

Retrospecting, is there really a source of help from Him or is it just a maya and a source of Black Hole for mere mortals like us to pour our problems hoping something good will come out of it? One never knows. But its always good to know that there is one Silent person to hear us out!!

And hence, I laid all my troubles on a platter to Him and asked him how He would solve this, if He indeed could. Take, for example, winning a tennis game. I am playing my best and yet I am losing. I ask Him to help me win. God replies back saying the other person also has prayed and requested for help. Now what should God do? Should He consider the first-in-first-out policy and help the first person who requested for help?!! Or should He scan the background of each of the requestors and check the amount of karmas and help the one with least negatives?!!

Poor God, why to blame Him. He is in a deadlock situation too! Both ask for His help, but He can make only one of them win, and He has to let down the other. Its God's position of Damned if I do and Damned if I dont.

Either way, one has to lose. As Socrates said, "Better you be suffered than others". With this thought in mind of pitying God's position, and mouthing "Paapa Devaru. After all what can He do", I could picturise God coming to me and shrugging with open hands and saying "Sorry dude. Cant help you there." I felt like patting God on His shoulders and saying "Its ok. No problemo" and walking away, leaving God, looking at me departing from Temple, feeling for the first time as powerless!!

If only it was just a game of tennis...


The whiteness all around is dazzling. The walls are white, the lights are bright, the doctors have white coat, the patients are covered in white sheets.

Whats all this about white in an ER?
Cheering up the atmosphere?