Typical Us

"Can you switch on the fan?"
"Do you want the fan on?"
"Why? Do you not want it on?"
"Its ok. I will switch on the fan."
"No, its ok. Don't switch on the fan."

The fan is switched on.

:-)

The First Half of 2010

“Change is the only constant thing in this world.”

Today marks the end of the first half of 2010. This has been “the most happening” year in no uncertain terms. There has been a constant change around me in terms of projects, people and personal affairs (related to relatives, friends and self).

After working for 5 years in one project group, 2010 finally ushered in a breath of fresh air and I moved into a new module. It was a pleasant change, especially because some of my old team mates were in this new module and the merge into the new module seemed seamless.

Couple of my friends bought new houses. Many of my friends got married. Many gave birth to their offspring. Many gave good news of being in the pipeline to give births in the latter half of the year. Many who were in onsite returned back. Made many new friends.

But the hardest part was many near and dear ones no longer were ‘near’. A huge number of colleagues - who are close friends too - quit (or went onsite) in the first half of the year and considering how good each one was, not just in terms of skill set but also character-wise, it was considerably a big loss – a void that can never be filled, even though, the cliché farewell mail typically says “I am just a click away…” I am just thankful that I got to meet such wonderful people who enriched my own life albeit for a short period of time. It is rightly said thus:

Endaro Mahanubhavulu Andariki Vandanamulu…

The Weighing Machine

Whenever my wife stands on the weighing machine and see the scale go higher than she expected, she smiles.

Whenever I stand on the weighing machine and see the scale go higher than I expect, I grimace.

It is strange how one machine can bring about two diametrically opposite emotions.

The Open Fly

Today I saw a fellow lady employee in the campus in Western formals who somewhat seemed inappropriately dressed. I couldn’t place what was wrong with her apparel until my eyes fell on the trousers. Her fly was open! It looked outright odd! Its one thing to have a man’s fly open but it is another thing altogether to have a woman’s fly open!

She passed right by me and I had half a mind to tell her about it. But I wanted to avoid the embarrassing situation. I could have told the lady friend who was with me to inform the lady employee about it but I was embarrassed even to tell my lady friend!

I am not sure if I was right in not telling and avoiding one embarrassing situation than allowing her to walk around all over the campus creating more embarrassing situations.

What the ...?

Seen on a cigarette box in big font, covering almost one side of the box:

SMOKING KILLS. TOBACCO CAUSES CANCER.

Then why are you manufacturing it, dude?!!

The Marital Transaction

Recently I was subject to witness the preliminary discussions being held for a marital occasion. Suffice it to say that it was not pleasant. I sensed negative energy all around me. Suddenly, somewhere, the topic had diverted from the joyous union of a male and female to a completely noncommittal business transaction between the girl’s side and the boy’s side involving money, gold, gifts, etc. There were demands, bargaining, raised voices, etc. It was outright disgusting. It was at times like this when I wish I am the eldest in the group and everyone abides by what I say. Being in the minority (both in age and thought), I was outnumbered by like-minded people who spoke of everything that surrounded ‘Male Chauvinism and Supremacy’ but very much meant that in one way or the other.

I wish I had the guts like Ananya Swaminathan to stand up in front of elders and be counted. I don’t. So I left midway during the discussion.

I choose to ignore what I cannot stand.

Run Vs Walk

I have never seen my 20-something-year-old neighbour walking. I have been seeing him since 2+ years and everytime I see him, he is always running. I see him get out of the house and run, either to shop or to college. I see him come home running. It is as if his thought is ‘Why walk when one can run?’ He is like Forrest Gump. Imagine the amount of time he saves by not walking!

I wonder, just supposing, if he encounters some kind of muscle tear or wear at the age of 40+, his doctor would then ask him ‘Why have you been running all your life when you can walk?’

:-)

The UPS

Whenever there is a power shutdown, the UPS (Uninterrupted Power Supply) kicks on. This is the norm in every other household and commercial establishment nowadays in India.

For me, this indicates that the Government is unable to provide electricity but the citizen is able to afford alternate means of electricity on their own. It shows that the Government is unable to provide basic means of living to it's citizenry 24*7 but the citizenry can take care of itself without Government's assistance for a few hours. Its like a slap on the Government!

If only this was true for water too...Welcome the Rainfall! :-)

The Mehndi Man

Two innocuous looking men sit on the pavement of Jayanagar 4th block and apply magnificent mehndi on girls’ hands. They are experts. They can complete intricate designs from fingertips to elbow for both hands within one hour. Since they are so good, there is always a queue of girls waiting in glee to get their hands all painted, be it weekday or weekend.

The fare charged for fingertips to elbow for both hands is Rs 500. Lesser the distance from the fingertips, lesser the amount, subject to a minimum of Rs 150 (which covers just the palm). If the Rs 500 takes about 1 hr, the Rs 150 takes about 15 minutes for the mehndi man to apply.

They usually start their business by about 10 am and go up to 10 pm. The demand for them is less in the morning and more as the day progresses. Assuming an average income of Rs 300 per hour, the daily income of one mehndi man is Rs 3600. (I am sure this is the bare minimum because every time I have seen them in evenings, they have a huge queue; and almost every girl gets the Rs 500 service) Assuming they work for 6 days of the week (weekends are when they get more customers), this would imply their weekly income is Rs 21600 per person and monthly income per person is close to Rs 1 lakh with almost zero investment on equipment and real estate!

So these simple looking men on the pavement applying mehndi on girls have a gross annual salary of about 12 lakhs per person and completely non taxable because there is no bill provided and transaction is all in cash. They don’t even have a shop. On the contrary, its better not to have a shop and not to expand as having a shop will only eat up their profit in terms of taxation, real estate, shop equipments, etc. And in any case, girls prefer mehndi on pavements (thinking they will be cheaper) than mehndi applied in shops (thinking it will be costly).

So.

My happy-happy mehndi-laden wife finally came to where I was waiting and my hour long wait came to an end. I stopped thinking further on the mind-boggling intricacies of small-time lesser-known Indian economy.

My First Interview

Today I participated in my company’s recruitment process by being part of the Interview panel. For the first time in my life, I conducted an interview. It was akin to Man playing God. You suddenly have power to enhance lives or ruin hopes. In other words, you have power for one day to help the organisation grow and make it better. That’s a better and diplomatic way of putting it. I have come a long way since I attended my first interview…

Note: Incidentally, my first interview for employment - about 8 years ago - happened in the same campus where I conducted my own first interview, albeit it was for a different company.

My Two Cents

I have noticed that my wife brings out the humour in me.
I tend to crack more jokes and have more laughs with her than when I am with anyone else.

My wife says I don’t make pals easily.
Although I hate to admit it, its true.

After my friend Adiga informed me, I started noticing the weirdness in Harsha Bhogle’s cricket commentary.
His commentary is full of statistics and numbers revolving around cricket but it is not actually about cricket.

After my dad informed me, I started noticing that Bangalore traffic is filled with ambulances and their blares while it was not so much in yesteryears.
Reminds me of cities like New York and Boston where it is a common occurrence.

We had 9/11 and 26/11 but the dates do not signify a common month.
Life would be so much simpler if we standardize one date format, one metric unit, one method of driving system, etc across the world.

There are so many people playing farming in Facebook.
If even half of them plant real trees and get their hands dirty in the mud instead of playing on the net in the comfort of their homes, this world will become so much better.

When I go on train journeys, I get to see vast farm lands filled with lush greenery.
Somehow this has a soothing effect on me and it makes my travel that much more enjoyable and desirous.

I realized that mornings are never my own and I never get to enjoy the ozonated oxygen early in the day.
Except on weekends, but that’s when I prefer bed than fresh oxygen.

Many soap operas emit heavy negative energy and revolve only around sadistic schemes within the family.
Life will be enriched if happiness of co-existence mixed with humour (remember Dekh Bhai Dekh?!) is shown more than just disappointments mixed with revenge.

I think I will stop here.
I am feeling sleepy.

16000 Hours

In a year, we have 365 days.

Counting out the weekends, we get 261 days.

Counting out 20 days of leaves and holidays, we get 241 days.

Considering 9 hrs per day, we have 2169 hrs per year.

Approximating my corporate life to 7.5 years,

I have worked for over 16000 hrs as a Software Engineer.

Does that mean I can never make a mistake in my profession on any given day?

PS: No offense meant to the ill-fated pilot but just an observation. It just seems silly to quote a huge number of professional hours against a person to show his infallibility.

Welcome to the cruel world

The maid who comes to our house is aged about 40 and has many daughters and sons and umpteen grandchildren, thanks to a series of child marriages (a phenomenon still ever-so-existing in the below-poverty Indian populace). While sipping coffee after her daily chores, she usually narrates a tale of her life or my mom does the same.

In one such tale-telling-moment, the maid related an event wherein her daughter’s parents-in-law threatened her - while the daughter was in labour in a Government hospital - that she will be welcomed back to the home only if she delivers a baby boy. As it turned out, the daughter delivered a baby girl. In panic, our maid bribed a nurse to replace the new-born daughter with a new-born son. In just Rs 5000, the job was done. Perhaps the mother of the new-born son needed some part of that Rs 5000; or perhaps she never came to know about the switch and wasn’t even aware what child she had given birth to.

Whatever be the case, the maid’s daughter had to forego her own dear daughter – whom she carried in her womb for the last 9 months – to some one else’s son just for the sake of entering back into her in-law’s house and continue staying with her husband. This switch, to this day, is known only to the maid and maid’s daughter. The grand son thinks of the maid’s daughter as his mother while his own mother is somewhere out there and the maid’s real granddaughter is somewhere out there without even knowing who her real mother is. Or perhaps she is already dead in a ditch.

During pregnancy scans, the gender of the child is not to be revealed as per the Rules and Regulations set forth by the Indian Government just so to avoid female genocide. But of what use is this rule if it is manipulated in this manner, that too in a Government Hospital, for a sum of money?

In the above tale, every one has played a criminal act – from the in-laws (threatening) to the husband (meek) to the maid (bribing for the switch) to the daughter (agreeing to do the switch) to the nurse (doing the switch and taking the bribe) to perhaps even the son’s mother (if applicable) (accepting part of bribe).

At the same time, every person had a reason to do what they did - from the in-laws (desperate need for continuation of the family generation) to the husband (ditto) to the maid (future life of her daughter) to the daughter (her own future life) to the nurse (compassion to the daughter and daughter’s future life) to perhaps even the son’s mother (if applicable)(desperate need for money).

The only innocent persons are the new-born-son and the new-born-daughter. What did they do to lose their real mothers? A fitting welcome to the cruel world.

Natural Beauty

She had perfect features, with her eyes, nose, lips and ears the right size and in right places. That is all it takes to make people beautiful - normal body parts - yet why does nature mess it up so many times?

~Chetan Bhagat in "2 States: The Story of my marriage"

After-Life

Suppose there is no such thing called life after death, then it means its always a big get-together after-life! What with no one leaving Heaven or Hell as the case may be, there is no farewell parties - just welcome and get-together parties! Boy, its fun to get back in touch with so many great people with whom we would have lost touch...!!

Salesperson at Jayanagar

There is this guy in a tie who sells microwave-able plastic kitchen containers in Jayanagar 4th Block complex everyday. He has a backpack full of such containers and he juggles about 4-5 in both of his hand. He stands near the Bluebell sweets shop and scans each passer-by to check if anyone is gullible enough. Sometimes he even crosses the road and follows some customers in the faint hope of them being interested in his containers.

He has never approached me as yet but I haven’t yet seen anyone even listening to him for more than 5 seconds. As soon as he approaches, people wave him away or shake their head. They not even stop in their stride.

Who would want to buy plastic containers from someone on the road when there are so many shops around wherein customers can exchange a day later if they are not satisfied? What is his profit margin? What is his ROI for the time and energy spent?

What makes this guy go on everyday? Especially, dressed with a tie at 9 pm.

Helpless

I received a forward which had originated from a professor in Tata Institute of Fundamental Research imploring a corporate friend of his to forward the email to ask for funds to sponsor a bunch of high school students who had been selected in a global competition to participate in a related event being held at Texas, USA. The mail went on to talk about the exemplary innovation used by the young minds and the irony of being short of funds to even take part (and possibly win) the competition.

When I read this mail, my heart went out to the professor. He was asking for about 2 Lakh Rupees. That’s peanuts for so many people in this world. If only a few such people come forward and sponsor those bright kids, this world will be a better place.

Some times I feel so helpless, seeing so many such ‘Want Money’ mails. It is at times like this when I feel I should earn more and more and increase my donation budget but there is only so much one person can do…And then again, a catch always lies with earning more.

Yummy!

Friday Breakfast: Khara Bhath (Uppit)

Friday Lunch: Chow Chow Bhath (Uppit, Shira/Sajjige)

Friday Evening snack-cum-Dinner: Avalakki, Cucumber-carrot salad, Banana, Mango, Apple, Toblerone chocolate, Basin-Ladu, Ice-Cream, Orange Juice.

Saturday Breakfast: Puri-Saagu.

Saturday Lunch: Curd-Rice.

Saturday Evening snack-cum-Dinner: Churmuri, Veg-Puff, Chips, Gobi Manchuri, Dahi-Puri, Banana.

Sunday Breakfast: Vermicelli

Sunday Lunch: Tomato Cream Soup, Grilled Cheese Sandwich, French Fries

Sunday Evening snack-cum-Dinner: Masala-Bonda, Sambar-Vada, Pani Puri, Sambar-Rice, Curd-Rice.

The case of the Hello Tune

I received an sms from Airtel stating that a Hello Tune (Kannada song) was subscribed to my cell phone and it was charged at Rs 10 for 10 days. This was without any intimation from me. I also received an sms stating what needs to be done if I didn’t want the Tune to continue beyond 10 days. But there was no message to indicate what needs to be done if I wanted to unsubscribe from the Tune right away and get back that Rs 10. Since I didn’t want the Tune even for 1 day, I unsubscribed immediately but I did not get back the Rs 10. Thinking that there might be a batch process that refunds the amount, I waited for one whole day. The money was not refunded.

My wife called up the customer care on my behalf to enquire about the refund. The operator informed her that I should have called up customer care before unsubscribing and the money would have been refunded upon cancellation of the Tune. The unsubscribing option was only for those who stayed with the Tune for 10 days. And since I unsubscribed via sms, the operator mentioned that the refund cannot be processed.

Much has been said about my anger in previous posts. As I overheard this conversation taking place between my wife (who was passively subduing to the fact that Rs 10 was lost because of my hurried unsubscribing action and because of Airtel’s policies) and the operator, my blood pressure shot up and I fumed. I snatched the phone from my wife and lambasted the poor operator like anything. You might even say, I almost bomb-blasted the lady! I outpoured like the famous Eyjafjallajökull and did not even allow her to get in a single word.

Worse, she knew whatever I was speaking was fair. I did not ask for the Hello Tune. Money was debited from my account without my permission for a feature that I did not want and on top of it I was blamed to have messed it all up by unsubscribing instead of calling customer care. As if I would know that I had to call customer care for unsubscribing. And why would Airtel want to make customers call customer care when they are pleasantly enjoying a concert or a movie?! Oh boy, it sure gets nice to verbally beat someone to death when you know you are in the right side of law! Its like pumping one’s fist after winning a hot duel! I got all fired up and spat fire for about 5 minutes after which the operator meekly gave the phone to her supervisor. I would have axed the CEO of Airtel too if I was asked to. It was not the Rs 10 that mattered, it was the gross injustice of it all.

I didn’t even have to speak to the supervisor for the supervisor just came on the phone and said the money will be refunded. It seemed like an anti-climax to me. I mean, here I was, all powered up to serve a 150 mph ace of a serve when the opponent just walked out on me accepting defeat! Sure enough, I got back my money in a minute’s time.

When I went to office and told my colleague about this, who was a fresher, she informed that she had been one such operator in Airtel's competitor company and the fact of the matter was that the operators were taught to convince the customers about customers’ mistakes and if the customer was meek enough and accepted the rules, the company made profit. But if the customers fought and raised their voice, they were to be immediately refunded.

Boink!

So much has been said about not to be angry and to treat everyone fairly and to always be calm and soft, and lo and behold, people misuse people of such character totally! Bottomline is: if you are weak, you get trodden over!

Social Entrepreneur?!

I often wonder what great human beings CEOs like NRN, Azim Premji, Ratan Tata, etc are. My main flow of thought is that they are great because they have given employment to so many fellow human beings, thanks to them thinking big and taking risks and investing and what not. But my friend Adiga informed, quite rightly, that they might not have had such noble thoughts of giving employment to lakhs of people when they started their companies. Their main idea would have been to maximize the profits. This can only be achieved by recruiting the right people and pay them accordingly. Capitalism, in short. Employment to lakhs of people just happened.

I wish to be an entrepreneur too one day but not for the sake of maximizing the profit. It would be more for empowering employees to be bread winners in their homes. In this regard, I have found one small and simple way to start off. It is as thus:

In India, its very common to see all kinds of activities being performed by cheap labour. For e.g., we have folks on carts on roads who iron the dress. We have vegetable vendors in moving carts shouting out vegetable names on roads of residential localities with the hope of selling their inventory. We have tender coconut salesmen on shabby dresses without slippers cycling on punctured tyres brimming with hundreds of tender coconuts. We have maid servants washing dishes, clothes, cleaning the house, etc. We have teenagers wanting to clean the sump and the overhead tank. We have people to wash the vehicles and dust the windows. And so on and so forth.

My idea is to maximize the usage of such people so as to provide them with daily bread. Even though we can iron our own clothes, give clothes to the local guy on the cart who will iron your shirt for Rs 3. Do not bargain with the vegetable vendor and tender coconut salesman. Instead, give them Rs 25 if they ask for Rs 24. Bring in a maid to wash your clothes, dishes, clean the house etc for Rs 300. Employ the teenagers to clean the sump and the overhead tank and clean the vehicles for Rs 300.

Surely, these are the amounts which we can afford. For most, it takes a lot to just donate Rs 1000 for the needy. But if we get some of our work done for that Rs 1000, then it’s a win-win situation. Not only that, we are in a way supporting their family by employing them to perform tasks which we ourselves can do. A social entrepreneur. A noble thought, huh?

My mom calls me just lazy.

:-)