Back to India

I was standing at one of the scenic view spots of the Great Niagara. It was my third visit and I had skipped the Maid of the Mist. As I stood there, looking around at the ambience, my mind went to that day, decades ago, when I had been to the Jog Falls.

What a sad state of affairs it is, when one tries to compare. Here, I could see posh people everywhere, neatly dressed, well-behaved, absolutely no trash anywhere on the premises, nothing thrown into the river, rest rooms so clean, restaurants so well maintained, attractive girls walking around comfortably, facilities to the tourists, lights to the falls at night time, etc. It was all so picture perfect. Like as if there is nothing else better that can be done.

And then there was Jog. Trash strewn everywhere, beverage cans and food wastes thrown to the river, no defined rest room as such, the traveler’s lodge seeming to be in tatters. And then there were different strata of people – dignified middle class people comparatively well behaved and appreciating the nature. And then there were below poverty public acting weirdly in river, bare footed, spitting on the road, and gaping at good-looking gals, whistling, passing comments and basically making the gals feel uncomfortable.

For the major part of my life, I thought this is the way life is lived and this is how it is everywhere in India. Dirt, population, filth, uncultured behavior, and nothing called neatness. And then I joined Infosys. The campus was stunning and I was awe-struck. Even after four years, when I look at the architecture, the campus, I keep staring. Simply because everything is so nice and pleasing and a feeling that this is how it should be everywhere. It was the same set of people, but within a campus kept neat and tidy 24 hrs a day by a wonderful housekeeping staff who gain a standing ovation from every single Infoscion in each of the award ceremonies within Infosys.

There was a huge population within the campus too. There is always dirt, filth but it was all so well managed. Everyone behaves so well and cultured. Agreed, some attractive gals still are gaped at within the campus and made to feel uncomfortable, but yet, it is the same set of people and it was all so different inside. Like entering into a new world altogether. Nobody is taught to behave well, nobody is taught to be courteous and yet everyone falls into the pattern of the neat-running-system all by themselves. And life suddenly seems to be nice and tidy and comfortable.

And then I came to US. Imagine my thought process. Not a single person will ever refrain from comparing about the traffic in US and traffic in India and I am no exception. Imagine this for instance. There is a single lane of traffic and all vehicles are stopped for the red signal. The road slightly widens for a right only lane and there is no oncoming traffic. Put this same setting in India. What will happen? The vehicles not going right will come onto the right lane, just to fill up the space and be as close to the start as possible while the vehicles genuinely wanting to go right will be stuck. The yellow line will have no significance and vehicles will jam up the road in such a way that the oncoming traffic will have no way to pass through too. It will be the same situation on the other side of the traffic signal too. And when the signal becomes green, it will be a two-lane traffic facing another two-lane traffic in a single lane road. Deadlock.

To continue the story further. Suppose a cop comes and confronts a vehicle which has crossed the yellow line. What will be the reaction of the driver? He will smile sheep-facedly at the cop and say “Er…Please sir, please sir, just this once.” Men without dignity and honour. It will be the same situation every time. Two-wheelers going on pedestrian sidewalks and honking at them to give way. Isnt traffic manners such a simple thing to follow? If everyone follows it, wouldn’t life be so ever so simple?

I fail to understand who is to be blamed. Who is at fault?

Is it the Government? For not planning ahead? For not having enough rest-rooms in and around the city and maintaining them? For not having enough trash cans in and around the city? For having corrupt officials who stop the flow of funds to support a city and its people? For not having enough officials to mend the people’s barbaric ways?

Is it the people? For not knowing how to behave? For not having simple manners? For not being courteous? For not following the system?

Is it the population? For having exponentially exploded way way out of seams for the city to control and handle?

Is it lack of money? Lack of money with people? “I don’t have money for the fuel sir. So I put kerosene to auto.” Hence the sound and pollution. Lack of money with Government? “Enough funds have been allocated to the improvement of the city but we are unable to track where the money went.” It is just a vicious circle.

Is it the way we all are brought up? There is so much respect here for children. Even when at fault, they are called sternly as ‘Young Man, can you be a good child and stop beating your friend?’, ‘Little Man, be careful with that stick. We don’t want you to hit your sister accidentally with it, would we?’ What would happen to a young kid in India handling a stick dangerously. PHATTAK! He will be slapped and the stick will be taken away from him. What will happen to a young gal in India when she is walking dangerously on the edge of the footpath? She will be dragged to the sidewalk unceremoniously and asked to stop being a pest. “Be careful, Young Lady. We don’t want you to get hurt” is how they are treated in US.

When things so simple and nice and easy in US, why is it so ugly and dirty and tough in India? How can the situation ever improve? Will it ever improve?

I used to read in novels how ill people, ill kids in foreign countries were sent to mountainous regions, or places with cleaner air in valleys so that they have a healthy life and can breathe fresh air. I realized, I never had a persistent cold or cough since I came to US an year and half ago, and when I was in India for a month, I had all sorts of breathing problems. Isnt life all about having a cleaner air to breath? Pollution is alarmingly increasing in India.

I realized one thing. When man is put into a nice and neat environment, as per the principle of regelation, he gels himself and adapts to the situation of being nice and neat. When man is put into a dirty and ugly environment, as per the principle of regelation, he gels himself and adapts to the situation of being just like other fellow men. And hence, a situation of nice and neat continues to nice and neat whereas a situation of ugly and dirty just becomes uglier and dirtier.

So, consider overnight, when everyone is sleeping, if the whole city is made beautiful and great, like a film setting, will things change? Will it change the mind set of people?

It may. People might atleast throw trash in trash cans. It may not. People might continue to spit on roads.

Anyway. Am leaving US and off to Bangalore on Dec 30th. And guess what?

I am looking forward to it.

MIP

I was seeing an advertisement yesterday and it involved giving a gift in this holiday season to the ‘most important person in the world’.

If say, A was MIP to B, and B was MIP to C, and C was MIP to D, and so on, would the gift even matter?

On a more personal note, there are many people high up in the chart, but who is the most important person to me in this world?

More importantly, is there anyone at all who considers me as the most important person in this world?!

The Red Volvo

Gifted by my brother. My first car.

Had to say goodbye to it today.

Bid adieu with a farewell kiss.

First snow flakes...

...for the season.

Time to retire!

Eighteen years of Education.
Four years of Employment.

Almost two years in USA.
A feeling of ‘Been there, done that!’

An Apartment in the name of self.
Monthly Rent as a constant source of income.

No more loans to clear.
No more the need to work.

Hurray! Its time to Retire!

Memorable dates in 2007

Plenty of good news all around!

Jan 7th 2007
Feb 6th 2007
Feb 6th 2007
Feb 11th 2007
Apr 5th 2007
Apr 26th 2007
Apr ?? 2007
Jun 21st 2007

Inspiring...

My eyes are burning after 3 continuous movies today. And 3 yesterday. Open Water and Excalibur are the significant ones out of the five. Former is the better of the two, especially because it is based on true events. It shows how even ‘Process’ (the most sought after word in software engineering project management) can backfire. It is shocking that a simple process of keeping count of people diving into the Ocean and people coming back onto the boat can cause such a tragedy. Two people in the middle of ocean, drifting with the tide, and sharks all around. Chills the bones.

Human man can endure a lot more than what we perceive. The unfortunate couple mentioned above lasted in the ocean for 24 hrs, bobbing up and down in the tide, with no food, no water, cold, thunder, rain, dark and most importantly, sharks. The movie Rabbit-proof fence describes the true story of a young Australian aborigine girl who trudges almost 1500 miles to go back to home. Twice. From the cruel government who separated mothers and their half-black half-white children. Walking 1500 miles in the hot sun as fugitives.

And then there are people who just never quit. Whatever the odds. Men of Honor portrays one such true character who makes into the US Navy’s Master Diver role after umpteen attempts by his trainer to fail him. Just because he was black.

Hotel Rwanda. A hotel manager saves 1200 people from a city riot. Schindler's List. Over 1100 Jews saved by Oscar Schindler. Patch Adams. Inspiring story of Hunter “Patch” Adams who uses unorthodox methods of curing people against the strictly academic world of Medicine. Cinderella Man. James Braddock fights poverty and saves his family through pugilism. Walk the Line. A son proves his father wrong after continually put down as a loser, and rises from a street seller to a famous singer, and fights addictive drugs to win the heart of his love. The Sea Inside. The movie of a quadriplegic. Cidade de deus. An intersecting movie of Rio-de-Janeiro’s underworld heighbourhood in the eyes of a photographer. October Sky. The son of a coal miner in a coal mining town makes rocket science as his passion and overcomes his ever-resistant father's attitude to ultimately join NASA.

A respectful bow to the true heroes...

Puppet on a chain

Puppet on a chain.
Moves as how the chain moves.
Smiles if the chain makes it smile.
Falls if the chain makes it fall.

Manipulated.
Controlled.
Instrumented.
Toyed.

Entertainment to audience.
Makes the audience cry.
Makes the audience smile.
Makes the audience applaud.

Who is the applaud for?
Is it for the puppeteer?
Is it for the chain?
Is it for the puppet?

Does it even matter?
Does it matter to the puppeteer?
Does the chain have emotions?
Does the puppet have emotions?


Remains a fascination…
A puppet on a chain…

Happy Thanksgiving 2006

Its been one big boring day. Serves me right for not planning a long weekend. Well, I cant help it if there is nothing worthwhile any more in US to see. Not that this is my first long weekend at home. I was at home during Feb long weekend too. And as a matter of fact, I don’t consider this as a long weekend too, what with Friday actually being a working day. Good that atleast I am going out on this weekend. Thanks to Mithun. Thanks to Mani.

Scared now about Dec Christmas and Jan Martin Luther long weekends. Havent planned anything and the thought of not doing anything and spending all 3 days at home is scary. Hopefully I wouldn’t be here by Feb long weekend. Speaking of long weekends, it’s a nice concept. Holidays are scheduled in such a way that it leads to a long weekend. Encourages tourism. Encourages families to have get-togethers.

Saw Glory. Wonderful movie. The colored people are in the army but are not in the ‘Fighting squad’ and they want to fight. Felt like software engineers wanting to code, to be in development but are put in maintenance projects! A scene in it made me wonder how would it be to know that you are going to die. You look around you. The ocean, the birds, the waves, the soldiers. Never to see parents again, wife, kids. You are in early thirties. Fit and fine. For the sake of freedom. To rush ahead and face the bullets. To die a warrior’s death. Home they brought her warrior dead.

Chatted with Janani after a long time. Felt nice. Infact woke up early for the scheduled chat. Usual topic came about one’s looks. ‘Have I become fat?’ ‘Put on’ is more of a decent word she used. Probably healthier life style. Clean air. Simple two words but yet powerful, I felt. Isnt it all that Man should fight for? Clean air. Pure water. Electricity.

I read about chaotic traffic in Bangalore. Awesome start in the blog. “Water rushing past logs in a boulevard”. A comment to this says “In US, water is scared to enter the boulevard!” I saw some videos too about traffic in India. After 1.5 yrs in US, its scary. Yeah, it feels as if I am talking like grown and brought up in US, but the environment conditions the mind. Couple of months in India, and you can find me overtaking from left too.

I wonder if when one blogs one’s thoughts, one repeats? If I have said something before, wouldn’t I repeat it again if I feel strongly about it. Perhaps one does. Big deal. I noticed that I am mentioning my friend’s names in this blog. Something I wasn’t doing before.

The thing that made me laugh out loud today: Friends episode when Chandler describes a game of listing out all US states within 6 minutes. Joey calls out triumphantly within 6 minutes and says "I got it! I got all 56 states!" Boy that was funny!

Was seeing Seinfeld yesterday. It is an episode which has invented many catchy words, phrases. One such word is 'Friends-in-law'! When Jerry is not around, George and Elaine are like friends-in-law! They dont have anything to talk about left to themselves. The situation is uncomfortable. Hence the 'in-laws'! That uncomfortable situation. Jerry is the connecting person between the two! I have faced such situations so many times too! Felt so right!

Well alright. Time to hit the sack.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Sigh...

The waves come crashing over the rocks.
The Sun beats down its harsh rays.

There is a void in Space.
It is filled only with Silence.

There is so much to say.
But nothing comes out.

Reminiscences on a special day

Born : Apr 16th 1980

Joined LKG (Lower Kinder Garten) - Good Shepherd School : 1984

Finished Seventh Standard - Good Shepherd School : 1993

Finished Tenth Standard - Bangalore High School : 1996

Finished Pre-University - Vijaya Main College : 1998

Finished Engineering - Dr. Ambedkar Institute of Technology : 2002

Joined Infosys Technologies Limited : Nov 18th 2002

Today : Nov 18th 2006

Movies Vs Novels

The beauty of writing lies in what cannot be picturised as a movie.
For instance, The God of Small Things

The beauty of picturisation lies in what cannot be written as a novel.
For instance, The Usual Suspects

Pittsburgh Vs Tirumala

I went to Pittsburgh recently to seek blessings from His Highness Lord Venkateshwara. It was actually my second time.

I entered the last dwara – as one might say – where his Highness resides. The room was filled with about 20 people. Scattered around. Some in meditation. Some chanting slokas silently. Some just sitting. Some standing in front of the sanctum sanctorum. Just like any other temple.

I took a few steps towards the sanctum sanctorum and I could see Lord Venkateswara’s idol, adorned magnificently, as always. A slight smile, which somehow assures and says ‘Everything is going to be alright.’ I then did what people usually do in temples. Basically spent some time with Him. And shared the necessities.

Perhaps I had very high expectations, or my expectations matched with the same sense of satisfaction one gets when one visits the shrine at Tirumala (as the temple at Pittsburgh and the temple at Tirumala are managed by the same TTD authorites), that, I must admit, I felt quite disappointed after the visit. Both times. What was it that was lacking? The Idol by itself was beautiful. The decoration was wonderful. Holy feeling all around. Slokas in the background. Few people chanting bhajans. The sacredness and sanctity of the sanctum sanctorum.

My mind investigated back to the moments spent in Tirumala after one enters the last dwara. There will be like two hundred people ahead, with very little space. Squashed amidst people all around. People’s breath, sweat and stink crams one up. People elbowing, pushing, cursing. A human wave, slowly but surely nudging forward. Like 8 lanes merging to a single lane within few feet.

Some are chanting deliriously. Some are cursing the authorities for improper people management. Some are shouting slokas at top of their voice. Some are singing in praise of Him. Some are nudging ahead, caring nought for others, and in hurry to meet Him. Some are carrying kids on their shoulders, asking them to crane up and get the first glimpse of Him and clasp hands and pray.

Atmosphere is feverish. At that point of time, after 3-4 hours standing in the queue, after 2-3 hrs locked up in rooms, with legs aching, hunger playing tantrum in the tummy, feeling swamped, everyone has just one aim, one achievement in mind. Especially because the end of the queue is near. To see Lord Venkateshwara.

And, I realized with a bang, after decades of belonging to the clan of cursing-authorities-for-improper-people-management, that that is what makes visit to Tirumala so gratifying and satisfying. It’s that damn crowd! Its that challenge. Its that aim. Its that same human instinct of wanting to achieve something. That crave for success. And, in this case, success is just to see Him. To seek His blessings. The long hours of wait conditions the mind and channelised towards God. For Freedom. From all the difficulties. Per se.

And hence the satisfaction.

QED.

The Finer Life

Over the last few weeks, I saw couple of movies which were Simple and Wonderful. Movies which brought a Smile To The Lips. Nice and Easy. Low Budget and Smooth Flowing.

Before Sunset. A Beautiful Sequel. The whole movie is about two people talking to one another. Such a simple topic to make a film about. Two People Talking to One Another. Amazing conversation, amazing topics, amazing choice of words and beautiful narration.

Flavors. Another of those Indians-in-US movie. Set of characters, ranging from housewives to parents, unemployed to busybees, love affairs to marriages, east coast to west coast, all intertwined somehow to make one jolly movie with US as a setting. Makes one laugh at oneself.

Gods Must be crazy – I and II. Very simple but very humorous. Absolutely no violence, but yet reference to it being just around the corner. World looked at from the eyes of Uncivilized People, mocking at Man With Money. How simple life actually is, and how complicated Man has made it.

I realise I am tending towards Too Many Caps…. Its just too much influence from my Current Novel - Roy’s The God of Small Things. It has a Language of its Own.

It all evens out in the end

Love obtained as a kid.
Lack of love when senile.

Care-free youthfulness.
Mid-life crisis.

Lack of time when in job.
Loads of time when retired.

Affectionate parents.
Dispassionate children.

Robust vitality.
Irritating healthlessness.

Devouring of the Feast with strong morals.
The crushed tasteless rice for the denture.

The constant traveling.
The difficulty to walk.

The Richness.
The Poorness.

The Laughs.
The Weeps.

The Highs.
The Lows.

The Happiness.
The Sadness.

It all evens out in the end.

Passing Thought

You are better than some people; so you feel happy.
You are better than some people; so you can continue to be you.

There are some people better than you; so you feel inferior.
There are some people better than you; so you can try to improve.

The Last Thought

Every night.
Lying down on the bed to go to sleep.
Closed eyes.

Comes this sinking feeling.
Literally sinking.
And a gasping suffocation.

Drowning horizontally.
Hands and arms flailing.
Desperately.

And a huge, huge boulder on top.
Crushed below due to its sheer weight.
Helpless.

Into the body of water.
Going down and down.
Bottomless.

Loses the consciousness.
Drifts thankfully to slumber.

Every night.

Being Single

Much to the chagrin of the parents, who, somehow for an unfathomable reason, consider that its their responsibility, one who is single for a considerable time attains something close to what is usually called Nirvana, which makes the concept of marriage and holy matrimony a thing of ‘No Requirement.’

There have been many instances of such occurrences wherein a person being single for an excessive amount of time, will start liking being alone and enjoying the freedom and independence of oneself that a marriage will then start looking like more like a constriction what with all the sacrifices and adjusting that is very rightly needed for the wedlock to sustain.

The love for oneself exceeds to an extent that one can be happy with the bare minimum of re-telecasted shows on television, a nice cozy novel, endless music, some good movies, cooking at times and above all, obsessed with work. With just these, there arises no necessity for any responsibility towards any other human being, and one is satisfied to live life for oneself.

Its also comprehensible, hence, that when the occasion arises for a social gathering, wherein, understandably, the hall is filled with couples, such single people are odd men out and would therefore tend to avoid the mere attendance, much satisfied within the safety of one’s abode. Call it staying within the tortoise’s shell, but its better than answering a hundred people why you are not coupled up. Does a lot to ebb one’s confidence.

But then, as informed earlier, sooner or later, parents start pushing for ‘completion of responsibility’. And it is then that marriage will become more of a ‘task’ than a celebration of the union of two people.

Reboot

I want to go away.
To a far, far place.
Where no one knows me.

Relinquish everything.
Bring down the cobwebs.
Walk away from the graves.

Disown everybody.
Tear down the dirty clothing.
Abandon the possessions.

Have a refreshing bath in the Holy Water.
Die and be born again.
To a new and refreshing arena.

Where all is clean and neat again.
Filled with innocence.
And lots of happiness.

Just another bad day...

Disturbed sleep. Woke up 1.5 hrs late. Time only to brush teeth and grab cereals. I knew it was going to be a bad, bad day. It was written in big bold letters.

Reached office on time. Felt dirty. Unshaven and unbathed. But things went smooth first half. Time dragged on. Almost like the lull before the storm. Pizza for lunch. Yummy.

Clock strikes 2. As part of install verification, I await for a file on a specific folder as an output of a job. Nope. 2.01 pm. Nope. Heart beat increases. 2.02 pm. Heart beat increases even more. The clock strikes like a deadly time bomb. I knew something had gone wrong. First beads of sweat and panic. Faintly feeling.

I rush to a prod box to get logs of the job. Sure enough, it had failed. Logs have insufficient explanation. I ping someone else to provide more logs. And then, at 2.10 pm, the truth is out there. Mistake in the code. Its laughing at me, mocking at me. A series of ‘Oh My God’ comes out of my lips and I let my head fall on my hands and I stay like that for the shock to pass.

Cubicle mates offer help, try to soften the blow. ‘Want anything from Starbucks?’ So sweet. But no thanks. Things are to be done. Escalations. I shoot out a mail, succinctly describing the issue, the cause and the resolution.

Word spreads fast. Within minutes, I am asked on phone with senior management explaining the situation. People all over are pulled in to explain the protocol of a production incident and its fix. Quick meeting. Ten powerful people have ten different things to say.

It was 3 pm within minutes. Amazing how time flies at times of crisis. A hundred dependent jobs were waiting for my job to finish. A hundred people waiting to see how their jobs work. Tension was palpable. The meeting decided who has to do what.

Code fix had to go within 5 pm. Impact analysis and a thorough test needed to be done to ensure that no other wrong code exists. Help was taken all around to ensure things got done. Many VPs were paged at 4 pm on a Friday to approve tickets and ensure code push to production ASAP. ‘ASAP’ couldn’t have been better realized than today.

Code fixed, tested and checked for any more loop holes while bevy of senior people standing behind my neck to ensure I don’t screw it up again. Code pushed to prod and all set by 5. Job is made to run again at 5.15 pm. Time is 5.13 pm.

Never had I looked at time like this before. Never had I this feeling of time clicking away to another bomb. Had I defused all wires? Were there anymore? 5.16 pm. Job started. No file on folder yet. 5.17 pm. No file on folder yet. I swallowed. Ten pair of eyes were staring at the status of the job, and we knew a hundred others were waiting on the phone for our job to complete. Atlast, we could see the file on the folder!

A big sigh. Another failure, and I would have shot myself. Huge relief. Congratulations all around. Not a word of blame. Not an iota of ‘you-screwed-it-up’ thought. Everything was like team work. A big ‘Thank you’ from all for having got it fixed. Imagine that! I screw it up and I get thanks for fixing it! Wow.

Post mortem analysis and more install verifications led to completion of day’s tasks at 9 pm. It had been a long day. A day to forget. It was a sad day. But it was good that the issue was resolved, and I could have a good night’s sleep. It was an irony that amidst the thousands of complicated things that were thought out during development of the job, the job failed at one of the silliest points. Damn.

I came out of the office to get hit by chilly wind. My car is all that is there in the parking lot. I revved up the engine and started my way back to home. Thousand things were in my mind.

How do things work in other professions? A doctor doesn’t have dev int, rel int and acceptance testing before he goes to commence his operation. An engineer doesn’t have dev int, rel int and acceptance testing before thousands of gallons of water hit the dam or hundreds of vehicles go on a bridge.

I mean, work has to be 100% perfect, else its not going to be the right world to stay in. And for work to be 100% perfect, one has to be brilliant, truly brilliant to think about all possible scenarios and be absolutely infallible. A hundred jobs went live today, and it was humiliation to see just my job fail. All hundred were better than me. Says a lot about my brilliance, or the lack of it.

Am I in the right profession? Do I even fit in here? If I am more experienced, would such incidents never occur? I mean, man is not infallible, so I cannot say, with time, I would not do any mistakes. The incident just showed how truly insignificant I am in front of thousands and thousands of people who have done so much to this world, and I couldn’t even get a small, simple thing working. Jeez!

Mistakes in my profession can be fixed in next install, and the max harm that was caused is a wait time for a number of people. However, mistakes in professions like doctors and engineers cause lives to be lost. How can one live if such a thing occurs? Scene in Raju ban Gaya Gentleman props upto the mind.

The mind kept gnawing at such thoughts till I reached home. I wanted to pour out my anguish over myself to someone, but alas, there was no one at home. No one to talk to when I desperately needed one. Tummy rumbled, but there was no food. 10 pm on a bad, bad day, I set out with the yucky frozen parathas. Thank God, next day was a weekend.

I hit the sack and lay there, a defeated man. Cuddled up and tried to sleep with a sad shake of head.