Sunday, December 02, 2012

The Second Child

My wife and I are at that stage of life where we are often asked about planning for the second child. We are not too much in favor of it, and unfortunately I guess we are denying Tontu a sibling in the process. All those fights and wars and secrets and love along with it.

Of course, it is great fun to have a baby and is definitely a life-altering experience. There I was, thinking Been There, Done That, little knowing, I hadn't been anywhere nor done nor seen anything! A baby in the family and parenthood changes every perspective of life. There is something new to look forward to everyday. A small yet significant milestone of the little one. And the rate at which the little one grows is both stunning and saddening. Here you are wishing, she would start crawling, and there you are seeing her already running. When did she crawl? How were her first steps? Gosh, things happen so fast - like in a movie. It is as if - today is the day when she will do this and tomorrow, she would have grown out of it, so enjoy and soak in all of these today, for you might never get to see this nor experience this ever again in your life!! Before long, you start forgetting what all your child went through until you see the snaps and recorded videos. And then, when you see the snaps and videos, comes the blissfulness and the pleasant smile of 'Ah! What a time we had!' With that, comes the next thought - "Want to live through it again?"

Whenever I think about this question or when this topic comes up amongst conversations with third parties, the reply is mostly in the negative. But sometimes I wonder what is the right thing to do. I guess, at my age, I want to have more of M, T and E to myself and my wife to enjoy the freedom. But, I fear, as I grow older, this perception might change. As one of my older colleagues recently remarked, she wished she had given birth to many children during her time because it is so nice for her to have them all for lunch or get-togethers during festivals and holidays. This, from a person, who already has 2 children.

Even when during my many interactions with my grandparents, one of the main things they used to repeat was how dearly they needed our (grandchildren in general) love and affection and attention because it meant so much for them. I guess as you grow older, you feel more lonely and insecure in the world. Unless, of course, if you are within a close-knit large family. And a family can only be large when there is more than one child to start with.

Hmmm. It sure is difficult to plan for the life ahead.


Adarsha said...

Harsha, nice post as usual. I am for sure am going to have a second kid. I made up my mind after seeing Hema's mom and her over obsession with Hema. I have seen that with many parents with a single kid. Since my parents have two of us i have seen different kind of responses from them and parents like them.

And don't forget, a sibling is not just fun and fight during young age but its like having life long best friend at home. You can discuss about almost everything which you may not discuss with even your best friend. I enjoy having a brother, and i want to give that joy to my son too... 😃

malinimysore said...

hey harsha

Just cannot stop myself from giving my opinion on this. Remember our childhood days...all our cousins were like our siblings, holidays at doddamma's, atte's, mom's cousin's house...this they really don't have. I had my share of regrets of not having time for myself,singing twinkel twinkle little star, ABCD again after 4 yrs. ..many more..Now after Mahima..good to see them bond, share, love it when they support each other if i yell at one of them,yea their fighting too.Don't know about my secure feeling when i grow old..but back of my mind i feel good that they have each other when i am not around.