You are better than some people; so you feel happy.
You are better than some people; so you can continue to be you.
There are some people better than you; so you feel inferior.
There are some people better than you; so you can try to improve.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
The Last Thought
Every night.
Lying down on the bed to go to sleep.
Closed eyes.
Comes this sinking feeling.
Literally sinking.
And a gasping suffocation.
Drowning horizontally.
Hands and arms flailing.
Desperately.
And a huge, huge boulder on top.
Crushed below due to its sheer weight.
Helpless.
Into the body of water.
Going down and down.
Bottomless.
Loses the consciousness.
Drifts thankfully to slumber.
Every night.
Lying down on the bed to go to sleep.
Closed eyes.
Comes this sinking feeling.
Literally sinking.
And a gasping suffocation.
Drowning horizontally.
Hands and arms flailing.
Desperately.
And a huge, huge boulder on top.
Crushed below due to its sheer weight.
Helpless.
Into the body of water.
Going down and down.
Bottomless.
Loses the consciousness.
Drifts thankfully to slumber.
Every night.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Being Single
Much to the chagrin of the parents, who, somehow for an unfathomable reason, consider that its their responsibility, one who is single for a considerable time attains something close to what is usually called Nirvana, which makes the concept of marriage and holy matrimony a thing of ‘No Requirement.’
There have been many instances of such occurrences wherein a person being single for an excessive amount of time, will start liking being alone and enjoying the freedom and independence of oneself that a marriage will then start looking like more like a constriction what with all the sacrifices and adjusting that is very rightly needed for the wedlock to sustain.
The love for oneself exceeds to an extent that one can be happy with the bare minimum of re-telecasted shows on television, a nice cozy novel, endless music, some good movies, cooking at times and above all, obsessed with work. With just these, there arises no necessity for any responsibility towards any other human being, and one is satisfied to live life for oneself.
Its also comprehensible, hence, that when the occasion arises for a social gathering, wherein, understandably, the hall is filled with couples, such single people are odd men out and would therefore tend to avoid the mere attendance, much satisfied within the safety of one’s abode. Call it staying within the tortoise’s shell, but its better than answering a hundred people why you are not coupled up. Does a lot to ebb one’s confidence.
But then, as informed earlier, sooner or later, parents start pushing for ‘completion of responsibility’. And it is then that marriage will become more of a ‘task’ than a celebration of the union of two people.
There have been many instances of such occurrences wherein a person being single for an excessive amount of time, will start liking being alone and enjoying the freedom and independence of oneself that a marriage will then start looking like more like a constriction what with all the sacrifices and adjusting that is very rightly needed for the wedlock to sustain.
The love for oneself exceeds to an extent that one can be happy with the bare minimum of re-telecasted shows on television, a nice cozy novel, endless music, some good movies, cooking at times and above all, obsessed with work. With just these, there arises no necessity for any responsibility towards any other human being, and one is satisfied to live life for oneself.
Its also comprehensible, hence, that when the occasion arises for a social gathering, wherein, understandably, the hall is filled with couples, such single people are odd men out and would therefore tend to avoid the mere attendance, much satisfied within the safety of one’s abode. Call it staying within the tortoise’s shell, but its better than answering a hundred people why you are not coupled up. Does a lot to ebb one’s confidence.
But then, as informed earlier, sooner or later, parents start pushing for ‘completion of responsibility’. And it is then that marriage will become more of a ‘task’ than a celebration of the union of two people.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Reboot
I want to go away.
To a far, far place.
Where no one knows me.
Relinquish everything.
Bring down the cobwebs.
Walk away from the graves.
Disown everybody.
Tear down the dirty clothing.
Abandon the possessions.
Have a refreshing bath in the Holy Water.
Die and be born again.
To a new and refreshing arena.
Where all is clean and neat again.
Filled with innocence.
And lots of happiness.
To a far, far place.
Where no one knows me.
Relinquish everything.
Bring down the cobwebs.
Walk away from the graves.
Disown everybody.
Tear down the dirty clothing.
Abandon the possessions.
Have a refreshing bath in the Holy Water.
Die and be born again.
To a new and refreshing arena.
Where all is clean and neat again.
Filled with innocence.
And lots of happiness.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Just another bad day...
Disturbed sleep. Woke up 1.5 hrs late. Time only to brush teeth and grab cereals. I knew it was going to be a bad, bad day. It was written in big bold letters.
Reached office on time. Felt dirty. Unshaven and unbathed. But things went smooth first half. Time dragged on. Almost like the lull before the storm. Pizza for lunch. Yummy.
Clock strikes 2. As part of install verification, I await for a file on a specific folder as an output of a job. Nope. 2.01 pm. Nope. Heart beat increases. 2.02 pm. Heart beat increases even more. The clock strikes like a deadly time bomb. I knew something had gone wrong. First beads of sweat and panic. Faintly feeling.
I rush to a prod box to get logs of the job. Sure enough, it had failed. Logs have insufficient explanation. I ping someone else to provide more logs. And then, at 2.10 pm, the truth is out there. Mistake in the code. Its laughing at me, mocking at me. A series of ‘Oh My God’ comes out of my lips and I let my head fall on my hands and I stay like that for the shock to pass.
Cubicle mates offer help, try to soften the blow. ‘Want anything from Starbucks?’ So sweet. But no thanks. Things are to be done. Escalations. I shoot out a mail, succinctly describing the issue, the cause and the resolution.
Word spreads fast. Within minutes, I am asked on phone with senior management explaining the situation. People all over are pulled in to explain the protocol of a production incident and its fix. Quick meeting. Ten powerful people have ten different things to say.
It was 3 pm within minutes. Amazing how time flies at times of crisis. A hundred dependent jobs were waiting for my job to finish. A hundred people waiting to see how their jobs work. Tension was palpable. The meeting decided who has to do what.
Code fix had to go within 5 pm. Impact analysis and a thorough test needed to be done to ensure that no other wrong code exists. Help was taken all around to ensure things got done. Many VPs were paged at 4 pm on a Friday to approve tickets and ensure code push to production ASAP. ‘ASAP’ couldn’t have been better realized than today.
Code fixed, tested and checked for any more loop holes while bevy of senior people standing behind my neck to ensure I don’t screw it up again. Code pushed to prod and all set by 5. Job is made to run again at 5.15 pm. Time is 5.13 pm.
Never had I looked at time like this before. Never had I this feeling of time clicking away to another bomb. Had I defused all wires? Were there anymore? 5.16 pm. Job started. No file on folder yet. 5.17 pm. No file on folder yet. I swallowed. Ten pair of eyes were staring at the status of the job, and we knew a hundred others were waiting on the phone for our job to complete. Atlast, we could see the file on the folder!
A big sigh. Another failure, and I would have shot myself. Huge relief. Congratulations all around. Not a word of blame. Not an iota of ‘you-screwed-it-up’ thought. Everything was like team work. A big ‘Thank you’ from all for having got it fixed. Imagine that! I screw it up and I get thanks for fixing it! Wow.
Post mortem analysis and more install verifications led to completion of day’s tasks at 9 pm. It had been a long day. A day to forget. It was a sad day. But it was good that the issue was resolved, and I could have a good night’s sleep. It was an irony that amidst the thousands of complicated things that were thought out during development of the job, the job failed at one of the silliest points. Damn.
I came out of the office to get hit by chilly wind. My car is all that is there in the parking lot. I revved up the engine and started my way back to home. Thousand things were in my mind.
How do things work in other professions? A doctor doesn’t have dev int, rel int and acceptance testing before he goes to commence his operation. An engineer doesn’t have dev int, rel int and acceptance testing before thousands of gallons of water hit the dam or hundreds of vehicles go on a bridge.
I mean, work has to be 100% perfect, else its not going to be the right world to stay in. And for work to be 100% perfect, one has to be brilliant, truly brilliant to think about all possible scenarios and be absolutely infallible. A hundred jobs went live today, and it was humiliation to see just my job fail. All hundred were better than me. Says a lot about my brilliance, or the lack of it.
Am I in the right profession? Do I even fit in here? If I am more experienced, would such incidents never occur? I mean, man is not infallible, so I cannot say, with time, I would not do any mistakes. The incident just showed how truly insignificant I am in front of thousands and thousands of people who have done so much to this world, and I couldn’t even get a small, simple thing working. Jeez!
Mistakes in my profession can be fixed in next install, and the max harm that was caused is a wait time for a number of people. However, mistakes in professions like doctors and engineers cause lives to be lost. How can one live if such a thing occurs? Scene in Raju ban Gaya Gentleman props upto the mind.
The mind kept gnawing at such thoughts till I reached home. I wanted to pour out my anguish over myself to someone, but alas, there was no one at home. No one to talk to when I desperately needed one. Tummy rumbled, but there was no food. 10 pm on a bad, bad day, I set out with the yucky frozen parathas. Thank God, next day was a weekend.
I hit the sack and lay there, a defeated man. Cuddled up and tried to sleep with a sad shake of head.
Reached office on time. Felt dirty. Unshaven and unbathed. But things went smooth first half. Time dragged on. Almost like the lull before the storm. Pizza for lunch. Yummy.
Clock strikes 2. As part of install verification, I await for a file on a specific folder as an output of a job. Nope. 2.01 pm. Nope. Heart beat increases. 2.02 pm. Heart beat increases even more. The clock strikes like a deadly time bomb. I knew something had gone wrong. First beads of sweat and panic. Faintly feeling.
I rush to a prod box to get logs of the job. Sure enough, it had failed. Logs have insufficient explanation. I ping someone else to provide more logs. And then, at 2.10 pm, the truth is out there. Mistake in the code. Its laughing at me, mocking at me. A series of ‘Oh My God’ comes out of my lips and I let my head fall on my hands and I stay like that for the shock to pass.
Cubicle mates offer help, try to soften the blow. ‘Want anything from Starbucks?’ So sweet. But no thanks. Things are to be done. Escalations. I shoot out a mail, succinctly describing the issue, the cause and the resolution.
Word spreads fast. Within minutes, I am asked on phone with senior management explaining the situation. People all over are pulled in to explain the protocol of a production incident and its fix. Quick meeting. Ten powerful people have ten different things to say.
It was 3 pm within minutes. Amazing how time flies at times of crisis. A hundred dependent jobs were waiting for my job to finish. A hundred people waiting to see how their jobs work. Tension was palpable. The meeting decided who has to do what.
Code fix had to go within 5 pm. Impact analysis and a thorough test needed to be done to ensure that no other wrong code exists. Help was taken all around to ensure things got done. Many VPs were paged at 4 pm on a Friday to approve tickets and ensure code push to production ASAP. ‘ASAP’ couldn’t have been better realized than today.
Code fixed, tested and checked for any more loop holes while bevy of senior people standing behind my neck to ensure I don’t screw it up again. Code pushed to prod and all set by 5. Job is made to run again at 5.15 pm. Time is 5.13 pm.
Never had I looked at time like this before. Never had I this feeling of time clicking away to another bomb. Had I defused all wires? Were there anymore? 5.16 pm. Job started. No file on folder yet. 5.17 pm. No file on folder yet. I swallowed. Ten pair of eyes were staring at the status of the job, and we knew a hundred others were waiting on the phone for our job to complete. Atlast, we could see the file on the folder!
A big sigh. Another failure, and I would have shot myself. Huge relief. Congratulations all around. Not a word of blame. Not an iota of ‘you-screwed-it-up’ thought. Everything was like team work. A big ‘Thank you’ from all for having got it fixed. Imagine that! I screw it up and I get thanks for fixing it! Wow.
Post mortem analysis and more install verifications led to completion of day’s tasks at 9 pm. It had been a long day. A day to forget. It was a sad day. But it was good that the issue was resolved, and I could have a good night’s sleep. It was an irony that amidst the thousands of complicated things that were thought out during development of the job, the job failed at one of the silliest points. Damn.
I came out of the office to get hit by chilly wind. My car is all that is there in the parking lot. I revved up the engine and started my way back to home. Thousand things were in my mind.
How do things work in other professions? A doctor doesn’t have dev int, rel int and acceptance testing before he goes to commence his operation. An engineer doesn’t have dev int, rel int and acceptance testing before thousands of gallons of water hit the dam or hundreds of vehicles go on a bridge.
I mean, work has to be 100% perfect, else its not going to be the right world to stay in. And for work to be 100% perfect, one has to be brilliant, truly brilliant to think about all possible scenarios and be absolutely infallible. A hundred jobs went live today, and it was humiliation to see just my job fail. All hundred were better than me. Says a lot about my brilliance, or the lack of it.
Am I in the right profession? Do I even fit in here? If I am more experienced, would such incidents never occur? I mean, man is not infallible, so I cannot say, with time, I would not do any mistakes. The incident just showed how truly insignificant I am in front of thousands and thousands of people who have done so much to this world, and I couldn’t even get a small, simple thing working. Jeez!
Mistakes in my profession can be fixed in next install, and the max harm that was caused is a wait time for a number of people. However, mistakes in professions like doctors and engineers cause lives to be lost. How can one live if such a thing occurs? Scene in Raju ban Gaya Gentleman props upto the mind.
The mind kept gnawing at such thoughts till I reached home. I wanted to pour out my anguish over myself to someone, but alas, there was no one at home. No one to talk to when I desperately needed one. Tummy rumbled, but there was no food. 10 pm on a bad, bad day, I set out with the yucky frozen parathas. Thank God, next day was a weekend.
I hit the sack and lay there, a defeated man. Cuddled up and tried to sleep with a sad shake of head.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Chakravyuha
There are some tales that one just cant forget. One such tale that has fascinated me since childhood is the tale of Abhimanyu.
The story goes as follows. One of the famous types of warfare during Mahabharat is Chakravyuha, wherein, the enemy, in hundreds, form a big circular formation and the objective of the other party is to single-handedly penetrate this circle and get out of it successfully, by fielding off the barrage of arrows that is targeted at self and at the same time, be on the attacking mode.
This being a not-so-easy task, as a man even of lower intellect can quickly deduce, needs a trick, as is so common in warfare, to come out successfully and wish to see one’s own arms and limbs in the way it was prior to the adventure. And such a trick was known only to Lord Krishna and Arjuna.
The tale becomes slightly interesting now. Krishna, by way of conversation, is imparting the knowledge of entering this impenetrable Chakravyuha to Subhadra, when Abhimanyu, still an unborn child in S’s womb, hears about it, and kids being what they are, total grasping power and what-not, remembers it for lifetime. However, Subhadra, apparently is too bored to hear about the whole story and dozes off in the middle and Krishna is forced to stop in the middle.
Ages later, when the Good is fighting the Bad, the Bad challenge the Chakravyuha warfare to the Good. Good accept the challenge as they have Krishna and Arjuna who can break the Big Circle. However, the Bad forms – by way of another trick of warfare - a diversion so that Krishna and Arjuna are not in the scene at the time of Chakravyuha. That leaves only with Abhimanyu amongst the Good to take up the challenge.
Enabled only with the knowledge of penetrating the circle but not coming out successfully, Abhimanyu fights valiantly and single handedly, and is able to break the formation but, alas, goes down in the end, fighting.
Somehow, this concept of Chakravyuha and the tale of Abhimanyu is fascinating to me. The former encapsulates the point of a person facing difficulties from three sixty degrees. And the latter encapsulates grasping capacity of an unborn and how mortal a human being is without Knowledge.
Now I wish I knew the trick too…!
The story goes as follows. One of the famous types of warfare during Mahabharat is Chakravyuha, wherein, the enemy, in hundreds, form a big circular formation and the objective of the other party is to single-handedly penetrate this circle and get out of it successfully, by fielding off the barrage of arrows that is targeted at self and at the same time, be on the attacking mode.
This being a not-so-easy task, as a man even of lower intellect can quickly deduce, needs a trick, as is so common in warfare, to come out successfully and wish to see one’s own arms and limbs in the way it was prior to the adventure. And such a trick was known only to Lord Krishna and Arjuna.
The tale becomes slightly interesting now. Krishna, by way of conversation, is imparting the knowledge of entering this impenetrable Chakravyuha to Subhadra, when Abhimanyu, still an unborn child in S’s womb, hears about it, and kids being what they are, total grasping power and what-not, remembers it for lifetime. However, Subhadra, apparently is too bored to hear about the whole story and dozes off in the middle and Krishna is forced to stop in the middle.
Ages later, when the Good is fighting the Bad, the Bad challenge the Chakravyuha warfare to the Good. Good accept the challenge as they have Krishna and Arjuna who can break the Big Circle. However, the Bad forms – by way of another trick of warfare - a diversion so that Krishna and Arjuna are not in the scene at the time of Chakravyuha. That leaves only with Abhimanyu amongst the Good to take up the challenge.
Enabled only with the knowledge of penetrating the circle but not coming out successfully, Abhimanyu fights valiantly and single handedly, and is able to break the formation but, alas, goes down in the end, fighting.
Somehow, this concept of Chakravyuha and the tale of Abhimanyu is fascinating to me. The former encapsulates the point of a person facing difficulties from three sixty degrees. And the latter encapsulates grasping capacity of an unborn and how mortal a human being is without Knowledge.
Now I wish I knew the trick too…!
"Why no blogs?"
An easy and quick way to answer ‘Why no blogs?’ – I pretty much figured – was to toss out an out-of-sabbatical-blog. It would save me from replying to the multitudes my new-found phrase of ‘Wanting-to-write-but-just-not-got-around-to-it’ and kick the ‘oh-God-what-happened-to-harsha’ thought out of my devoted blog-readers.
Quick update about the bare essentials. More for myself to know what-happened-this-day-twenty-five-years-ago when I check upon this blog - if it still exists in its current state, art and technology - a quarter of century later, with magnifying lens for my underrated eyes and a walking stick at my side.
Wonderful time spent with parents. For the first time felt responsibility for home and office. In Bangalore, it was taken for granted that state of affairs in the house was handled by dad and me just worried about office. But, here, I felt morally responsible for the doings and undoings of parents. An obligation to go back to home early and keep them occupied, show them places and spend time with them. Something which was always taken for granted when I was in Bangalore. Jeez! This is how its going to be when I become married!!
As a proud son – I would be lying if I say I am not proud of myself – I ensured they had a nice time here. Showed them all places I had charted out and pre-planned, and as in most cases, the plan always gets executed to perfection. From apt-booking to receiving-them-at-airport, from flight-booking-to-and-fro-Niagara to package-tour-to-Washington-and-New York, from local-sightseeing to friends’-dinner-visits, from fall-foliage-at-new Hampshire to my-cubicle-in-office, from trip-to-Pittsburgh to dropping-them-off-to-Brother’s-place-in-Detroit, everything went as smooth as it could. It would be unfair to say parents were not emotional at the time of my departure from Detroit.
And then, alas, back to usual routine. If you can imagine a kid being given a chocolate, and after a while, the chocolate is taken away, then I was that kid. Gone were the days of no-cooking, no-dish-washing, yummy-evening-and morning-snacks, bathroom-all-for-myself, hot-lunch-awaiting-at-noon-time!
Now all that is left is a daily call of ‘Wassup?’ while my bro enjoys the luxury.
Quick update about the bare essentials. More for myself to know what-happened-this-day-twenty-five-years-ago when I check upon this blog - if it still exists in its current state, art and technology - a quarter of century later, with magnifying lens for my underrated eyes and a walking stick at my side.
Wonderful time spent with parents. For the first time felt responsibility for home and office. In Bangalore, it was taken for granted that state of affairs in the house was handled by dad and me just worried about office. But, here, I felt morally responsible for the doings and undoings of parents. An obligation to go back to home early and keep them occupied, show them places and spend time with them. Something which was always taken for granted when I was in Bangalore. Jeez! This is how its going to be when I become married!!
As a proud son – I would be lying if I say I am not proud of myself – I ensured they had a nice time here. Showed them all places I had charted out and pre-planned, and as in most cases, the plan always gets executed to perfection. From apt-booking to receiving-them-at-airport, from flight-booking-to-and-fro-Niagara to package-tour-to-Washington-and-New York, from local-sightseeing to friends’-dinner-visits, from fall-foliage-at-new Hampshire to my-cubicle-in-office, from trip-to-Pittsburgh to dropping-them-off-to-Brother’s-place-in-Detroit, everything went as smooth as it could. It would be unfair to say parents were not emotional at the time of my departure from Detroit.
And then, alas, back to usual routine. If you can imagine a kid being given a chocolate, and after a while, the chocolate is taken away, then I was that kid. Gone were the days of no-cooking, no-dish-washing, yummy-evening-and morning-snacks, bathroom-all-for-myself, hot-lunch-awaiting-at-noon-time!
Now all that is left is a daily call of ‘Wassup?’ while my bro enjoys the luxury.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Monday, September 11, 2006
9 To 5
For months together, I have been dreaming about a job which occupies my day only from 9 to 5. Today, I went to office on the dot at 9 and left office on the dot at 5! Although I didnt change my job, today was a luxurious day when it comes to timing, and I felt really happy!
It wasnt that I was bored to death and was waiting to leave at 5. It wasnt that I was jam packed with work and forced myself to leave at 5. Things went coolly and calmly, in a soothing manner and in its on pace. Jobs got done without issues and it felt great to have had an efficient and productive day!
Time and again, I find myself grousing to the Almighty for the lack of such-and-such a thing. What I fail to realise is that when such-and-such a thing is actually bestowed upon me, sometime later, my grouses would have shifted to some other object of desire and the whole fact of the original wish having been bestowed is lost in translation, and the feeling of 'You-dont-do-anything-to-me' remains topmost against the Doer of Everything!
Time to bow and say a heartfelt : Thanks!
It wasnt that I was bored to death and was waiting to leave at 5. It wasnt that I was jam packed with work and forced myself to leave at 5. Things went coolly and calmly, in a soothing manner and in its on pace. Jobs got done without issues and it felt great to have had an efficient and productive day!
Time and again, I find myself grousing to the Almighty for the lack of such-and-such a thing. What I fail to realise is that when such-and-such a thing is actually bestowed upon me, sometime later, my grouses would have shifted to some other object of desire and the whole fact of the original wish having been bestowed is lost in translation, and the feeling of 'You-dont-do-anything-to-me' remains topmost against the Doer of Everything!
Time to bow and say a heartfelt : Thanks!
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Salutations...
...to all those who were directly or indirectly affected by the 9/11 tragedy five years ago.
A moment of silence to all those who will forever be heroes...
A moment of silence to all those who will forever be heroes...
So whats new...?
Woke up at 11 as on any typical Sunday. Saw a Hindi movie : Kalyug. And then US Open Men's Finals. Federer is simply awesome. Rued not having gone to New York to see it live. A nice walk in the evening cold. Saw a shocking documentary on 9/11's true happenings caught on tape. And finally a blog.
As on any day, mind muddling conversations and thoughts always get processed. Heard about one more colleague having quit the company. Its now so common that you are looked at queerly if you do not quit at onsite...I am often now being asked the same question I ask myself : What are you doing?
There was a talk of how lonesome I am getting these days. People quitting. People moving out. People getting married. Not enough guys to hang out with these days. Its common now to go to a gathering where I will be the odd man out. All would either be paired or engaged or married, and topic would undoubtedly be about their exciting future. Again, I am often being asked the same question I ask myself : What are you doing?
As on any day, mind muddling conversations and thoughts always get processed. Heard about one more colleague having quit the company. Its now so common that you are looked at queerly if you do not quit at onsite...I am often now being asked the same question I ask myself : What are you doing?
There was a talk of how lonesome I am getting these days. People quitting. People moving out. People getting married. Not enough guys to hang out with these days. Its common now to go to a gathering where I will be the odd man out. All would either be paired or engaged or married, and topic would undoubtedly be about their exciting future. Again, I am often being asked the same question I ask myself : What are you doing?
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Insignificant
One more 'wasted' day. Seriously, I feel I am wasting royally an awful lot of good life. Saw clips of some movies (to kill time) but they turned out to be terrible. Stopped them all midway.
Just finished writing a nice mail to a good friend of mine. It had been quite some time since I had wrote to him. It had a lot of 'advice' poured in good measure than the talk of general health. It somehow feels good to give advice. Whether its taken or not is upto the recipient, but one feels good after giving advice. Its like having done something good! I hope the mail helps him...
Spoke to another of my junior who has come to US to do her MS. I am terribly proud of her. I have a high respect, in general, for those who pursue higher studies. Perhaps its because I didnt do it myself. I keep pushing people whomsoever is thinking about it, to go ahead and just do it. Do what I say but dont do what I do!
Chatting with anyone at this age of mine inevitably will bring up the topic of marriage. I might have used the same usual sentences with hundreds of friends. Perhaps I should save a template and keep copy pasting!
Just came to know that a fellow colleague quit. There is always a tinge of sadness when someone quits. But then again, its for their own good. The future will definitely have good things to offer if they pursue their true ambitions. My sincere wishes for a wonderful life ahead.
Couple of days ago, I saw Water. A depressing movie, like The sea inside. But very touching and poignant. Makes me feel I am so lucky.
Once in a while, a lesser known, offtype movie catches my attention, and I end up seeing all through, and at the end, it will leave me with a smile and satisfaction of having seen it. Son-in-law, Racing stripes, Something that Lord made, Patch Adams, Fever pitch, Lost in Translation, The girl next door, On the line are some examples. And today I happened to see Big Girls dont cry...they get even. As informed in IMDB, this movie is best enjoyed on a lazy day!
Perhaps it wasnt all that bad a day...it was just another lazy weekend! Will sign-off with a cliche from the Big girls... :
"Have fun and enjoy! Dont torture yourself...Life will take care of it!"
Just finished writing a nice mail to a good friend of mine. It had been quite some time since I had wrote to him. It had a lot of 'advice' poured in good measure than the talk of general health. It somehow feels good to give advice. Whether its taken or not is upto the recipient, but one feels good after giving advice. Its like having done something good! I hope the mail helps him...
Spoke to another of my junior who has come to US to do her MS. I am terribly proud of her. I have a high respect, in general, for those who pursue higher studies. Perhaps its because I didnt do it myself. I keep pushing people whomsoever is thinking about it, to go ahead and just do it. Do what I say but dont do what I do!
Chatting with anyone at this age of mine inevitably will bring up the topic of marriage. I might have used the same usual sentences with hundreds of friends. Perhaps I should save a template and keep copy pasting!
Just came to know that a fellow colleague quit. There is always a tinge of sadness when someone quits. But then again, its for their own good. The future will definitely have good things to offer if they pursue their true ambitions. My sincere wishes for a wonderful life ahead.
Couple of days ago, I saw Water. A depressing movie, like The sea inside. But very touching and poignant. Makes me feel I am so lucky.
Once in a while, a lesser known, offtype movie catches my attention, and I end up seeing all through, and at the end, it will leave me with a smile and satisfaction of having seen it. Son-in-law, Racing stripes, Something that Lord made, Patch Adams, Fever pitch, Lost in Translation, The girl next door, On the line are some examples. And today I happened to see Big Girls dont cry...they get even. As informed in IMDB, this movie is best enjoyed on a lazy day!
Perhaps it wasnt all that bad a day...it was just another lazy weekend! Will sign-off with a cliche from the Big girls... :
"Have fun and enjoy! Dont torture yourself...Life will take care of it!"
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Conflicting Climate
One day I am non existent...
One day I am omnipresent...
The mind is not built to handle such conflicting climate.
Makes me baffled.
One day I am omnipresent...
The mind is not built to handle such conflicting climate.
Makes me baffled.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
"Sorry"
It was needless to ask nor say why it was being told.
There are some things which are implied even when left untold.
Nothing can be done nor will things change, but it provides the warmth to just be told.
Touched deep inside an emotional chord.
I was happy all day till I heard it...Well, I am sorry too.
There are some things which are implied even when left untold.
Nothing can be done nor will things change, but it provides the warmth to just be told.
Touched deep inside an emotional chord.
I was happy all day till I heard it...Well, I am sorry too.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Just Babble
..Had been to San Francisco for the Labor day long weekend! It was a city which had evaded me all these months, and finally now that I am back, I wonder why I was looking forward to it so much. Perhaps I had very high expectations, or I was misled. Not that its disappointing. Its just another good place in US worthy of a visit. Golden Gate wins hands down.
..Princess got engaged to Prince Charming! The Lochinvar of her life has finally swept her off her feet! God bless the couple!
..I am reading The diary of a young girl - Anne Frank. Pretty depressing to think about the life innocent people had to lead during World war. Couldnt help thinking about this when I saw multitude of families enjoying the Sun and beach, playing with kids and having a gala time at Lake Tahoe. An improbable thought back then I suppose.
..I quite liked the significance of the dots prior to the sentence, using as bullets. But I have a painful story about it. However, I recently liked the usage of hiphen too. Perhaps in my next blog! The bullets generated in the blog editor somehow was not all that appealing.
..Parents coming to US next Wednesday. Looking forward to it. Have this unique thought that I have to now balance life between work at office and family at home with parents. Something that I had never done before in my life. Back in Bangalore, I came back home from office whenever I wanted to. I kinda feel the responsibility now. Is this how its going to be after marriage?
..I saw a small cute little kid playing, with her school bag on her shoulders, running behind butterflies, and jumping up and down the garden, and her mom waiting on the curb for the school bus, with one hand having the lunch box, and an eye on the daughter. Such a pretty sight! Two decades later, the kid will be in the same position as the mom, with the same responsibility I was talking about above.
..People who leave comments on blogs usually are responded by the author with a reciprocatory comment. I prefer to mail back to the person who comments. Offlate, some kindly viewers are leaving anonymous comments, and some who have their own blogsites but no immediate email IDs to respond. I have to admit I get frustrated when I cannot respond back. Boohoo.
..I got a forward today which, in essence, said, as has so many of them, 'The way you look at the world, the world looks back at you'. It made me wonder.
..I was just chatting with a friend of mine. She has come to US for MS. She is my junior, and we had a great rapport when we were both in college during engineering. I have had some of the best conversations with her. Today's chat started off with 'Hey hi. Hows you doing?' 'Good. And you?' 'Good.' A break of 5 mins and nothing happened. Funny. Thats all there was to say. Look what time and distance does to relationships. We didnt have enough time in college bus to talk in its winding one hour to and fro college trips day in and day out all year through, and here we are, 6 yrs later, with hardly anything to talk but general health.
..I read a beautiful blog today. As informed in one of my previous posts, its one of the amazing things to experience.
..I usually dont like to give links in my blogs, as it will make the reader lose his continuity. But at times, I am forced. Like this one. One of the best I have ever read. Some people really write well.
..Reading the phrase 'perverse pleasure' in the above-linked-blog made my mind think about writing a blog full of perverse pleasures. But I refrained myself from doing so. No particular reason.
..Felt good writing this. Like unwinding myself. Was I inspired (see untitled)? Perhaps...
..Time to sleep. Tata. Speaking of Tata, its strange so many of us adults have stopped using this usually-first-ever-learned word of the human life span. When I say it, many people smile. Perhaps at my innocence, or perhaps of their reminiscence of childhood. Its still a great word to me. I really like it. Tata, again.
..Princess got engaged to Prince Charming! The Lochinvar of her life has finally swept her off her feet! God bless the couple!
..I am reading The diary of a young girl - Anne Frank. Pretty depressing to think about the life innocent people had to lead during World war. Couldnt help thinking about this when I saw multitude of families enjoying the Sun and beach, playing with kids and having a gala time at Lake Tahoe. An improbable thought back then I suppose.
..I quite liked the significance of the dots prior to the sentence, using as bullets. But I have a painful story about it. However, I recently liked the usage of hiphen too. Perhaps in my next blog! The bullets generated in the blog editor somehow was not all that appealing.
..Parents coming to US next Wednesday. Looking forward to it. Have this unique thought that I have to now balance life between work at office and family at home with parents. Something that I had never done before in my life. Back in Bangalore, I came back home from office whenever I wanted to. I kinda feel the responsibility now. Is this how its going to be after marriage?
..I saw a small cute little kid playing, with her school bag on her shoulders, running behind butterflies, and jumping up and down the garden, and her mom waiting on the curb for the school bus, with one hand having the lunch box, and an eye on the daughter. Such a pretty sight! Two decades later, the kid will be in the same position as the mom, with the same responsibility I was talking about above.
..People who leave comments on blogs usually are responded by the author with a reciprocatory comment. I prefer to mail back to the person who comments. Offlate, some kindly viewers are leaving anonymous comments, and some who have their own blogsites but no immediate email IDs to respond. I have to admit I get frustrated when I cannot respond back. Boohoo.
..I got a forward today which, in essence, said, as has so many of them, 'The way you look at the world, the world looks back at you'. It made me wonder.
..I was just chatting with a friend of mine. She has come to US for MS. She is my junior, and we had a great rapport when we were both in college during engineering. I have had some of the best conversations with her. Today's chat started off with 'Hey hi. Hows you doing?' 'Good. And you?' 'Good.' A break of 5 mins and nothing happened. Funny. Thats all there was to say. Look what time and distance does to relationships. We didnt have enough time in college bus to talk in its winding one hour to and fro college trips day in and day out all year through, and here we are, 6 yrs later, with hardly anything to talk but general health.
..I read a beautiful blog today. As informed in one of my previous posts, its one of the amazing things to experience.
..I usually dont like to give links in my blogs, as it will make the reader lose his continuity. But at times, I am forced. Like this one. One of the best I have ever read. Some people really write well.
..Reading the phrase 'perverse pleasure' in the above-linked-blog made my mind think about writing a blog full of perverse pleasures. But I refrained myself from doing so. No particular reason.
..Felt good writing this. Like unwinding myself. Was I inspired (see untitled)? Perhaps...
..Time to sleep. Tata. Speaking of Tata, its strange so many of us adults have stopped using this usually-first-ever-learned word of the human life span. When I say it, many people smile. Perhaps at my innocence, or perhaps of their reminiscence of childhood. Its still a great word to me. I really like it. Tata, again.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Limits
It is wisely said that one should stay within one's limits. One's limits are an imaginary threshold which separates what one can do and one ought not. This imaginary boundary is generally perceived and modified with period of time.
Tough thing about this boundary is that it keeps fluctuating. At times, the area of 'what one can do' is bigger than the area of 'what one ought not to do', and the very next day, what was once an acceptable thing is now no longer acceptable.
The latter offset my balance, and I came crashing down to Apni Aukaad.
Tough thing about this boundary is that it keeps fluctuating. At times, the area of 'what one can do' is bigger than the area of 'what one ought not to do', and the very next day, what was once an acceptable thing is now no longer acceptable.
The latter offset my balance, and I came crashing down to Apni Aukaad.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
'What am I doing in Life?'
Pretty good academic record all through education.
Working for very popular company.
Good rise in career and pay.
Onsite opportunity.
Visited most of US.
Yet, a feeling of emptiness.
The haunting question : "What am I doing in Life?"
The answer always is : "I don't know."
Working for very popular company.
Good rise in career and pay.
Onsite opportunity.
Visited most of US.
Yet, a feeling of emptiness.
The haunting question : "What am I doing in Life?"
The answer always is : "I don't know."
A wasted day
Very less work in office. Passed time till 5 PM by browsing internet, calling up some old pals and chatting with others who were equally free. Went to a friend's place for some nice evening snacks. Came back home and watched junk on so-called idiot box. Blogged this, and hit the sack.
What a wasted day...
What a wasted day...
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Lord Ganesh and the Moon...
...so goes the myth, are not best of friends. It just so happened that Moon, being as always oh-what-a-beauty, laughed at Lord Ganesh upon seeing an Elephant's trunk on a human form. Offended by this gesture, Lord Ganesh was humiliated and felt a tinge of inferiority complex for not being as jaw-dropping and breath-taking as Moon. A strong resolve was made right then by Lord Ganesh. A ground breaking law was created. "Nobody should see Moon's face on Ganesh Chaturthi, and if anyone does, they shall suffer..." One could almost hear the pound of the gavel, and the ensuing words "Case dismissed."
Fast forward to the current era. Me, being a humble devotee of Lord Ganesh, whom I have always thought of in highest regards, and a very good friend of Moon (as described in my 100 steps blog), to whom all my day's problems are poured upon and a very close confidant, I cannot take sides. Really. I need both of them. Equally!
However, nor do I want to suffer! And so, I do not want to see Moon on Ganesh Chaturthi, thereby me tending to be the 'law"-abiding citizen! Call it superstition, call it myth, call it foolishness, but I do not want to go against Lord Ganesh on His day.
But then, it so happens that on all Ganesh Chaturthis, the sky is always crystal clear. When I make my way towards the temple just when the dusk is setting, as always, I look at the sky and admire the natural beauty of sky-blue-mixed-with-orange hue and the pattern of the clouds, and it always just so happens that Moon is there, smiling at me. I smile back. Then it hits me that this is not the day to be smiling at Moon! But, by then, its too late! Alas, the year, for the next 365 days, is destined to be - I wouldnt say "full of suffering", but - "difficult". This event has occurred every year for as long as I can remember.
But did not occur in 2006!
Fast forward to the current era. Me, being a humble devotee of Lord Ganesh, whom I have always thought of in highest regards, and a very good friend of Moon (as described in my 100 steps blog), to whom all my day's problems are poured upon and a very close confidant, I cannot take sides. Really. I need both of them. Equally!
However, nor do I want to suffer! And so, I do not want to see Moon on Ganesh Chaturthi, thereby me tending to be the 'law"-abiding citizen! Call it superstition, call it myth, call it foolishness, but I do not want to go against Lord Ganesh on His day.
But then, it so happens that on all Ganesh Chaturthis, the sky is always crystal clear. When I make my way towards the temple just when the dusk is setting, as always, I look at the sky and admire the natural beauty of sky-blue-mixed-with-orange hue and the pattern of the clouds, and it always just so happens that Moon is there, smiling at me. I smile back. Then it hits me that this is not the day to be smiling at Moon! But, by then, its too late! Alas, the year, for the next 365 days, is destined to be - I wouldnt say "full of suffering", but - "difficult". This event has occurred every year for as long as I can remember.
But did not occur in 2006!
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