Nothing

It was 2 PM on a lazy Saturday. I had got up 3 hours ago, had the same cereals, called up home, only to be reminded of my age and the associated motherly marriage topic. Quickly changing the topic, I had culminated the conversation logically. I then browsed the TV channels, and as expected found nothing.

I came out of the house onto the porch of my Apartment building and sat on the steps and rested my back to the wall. It was a comfortable enough position in the given circumstances. There was a slight drizzle and atmosphere was misty. I looked at the facing road on both sides. There was nobody. Just cars and trees. I remembered the road in my hometown in Bangalore and how it would be always filled with lively kids playing and shouting and fighting. Here, there was nothing.

As it happens when there is nothing in the environment to which the mind can be directed to, the thoughts take over. I realised, meditatively, that to others, I always seemed successful. Anyone looking at me would think about my unblemished academic record, the subsequent recruitment in apparently one of the most prestigious companies of India and then the travel to apparently one of the most magnificient countries in the world. But to me, somehow, all this meant nothing.

I must have sat there for hours together, just gazing out at the rain and hearing its strangely comforting pitter-patter. I knew that instead of me handling the situation, the situation was handling me and as always, I was just going with the flow. I was like a passer-by looking at my own life going by, aimlessly and without any purpose, filled with emptiness and nothingness.

There seemed nothing to do and nothing to look forward to.