Wednesday, August 16, 2006

A lie

Every one of us have two faces. One is the 'good' face and another is the 'Not-so-good' face. All of us in our day to day life try to have the 'good' face by default, but there are occasions when, all of a sudden, Mr. 'Not-so-good' comes upon by itself and makes you do acts worthy of shamefulness.

Yesterday, I lied to a friend of mine. I rarely lie. I hate lies. I hate people who lie. Circumstances make you lie. If I get to know the circumstances, I might not hate the person. Its strange what circumstances can do to a man. Its strange how it can change a man. But, then again, I guess thats Life.

But then, I am not a good liar. I choke when I lie. My demeanour changes considerably. I will not be able to make eye-contact. Its more like God violently shaking me. No, you dont need a lie-detector to see through me. Yet, I lied. And during all such rare occasions when I lie, I feel like a creep and remorse almost makes jump from a building.

I went to the rest room. I looked at myself in the mirror. Whenever I need to contemplate, I stand before a mirror. Feels like some third party looking at me and shaking head in disgust. Call it ego, call it swabhimana, a part of me was fighting me to stick with the lie. Swabhimana prefers a jump from a building rather than surrender to crime committed. But majority of me said "Come clean."

One of life's biggest reliefs is confession. A very tough thing to do, for a person who has ego. To accept defeat. To bow down and feel naked and shameful. Yet, its a cleansing act. Like taking bath and getting rid of dirt.

There can be only one feeling at the end of a nice, warm bath.


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