Pensive

A friend of mine told me that she checks my blogs everyday, to see if I have written anything new. I quite frankly asked her whats in my blog to look forward to, for if I were a layman browsing through the so-called Kaleidoscope weblog, I would give it a once-over and deduce that its mainly negative. She replied saying 'Its not negative. Its pensive.' I caught onto that word pensive!

The reason why I started blogs is plainly because I fall in that category of people who write diaries. Have been writing diaries since almost 10 yrs now. There were occasions, when something like a big rock falls over my head and I stop writing altogether, because the despondency is too much to log entries. Almost like no words to describe.

Something like this happened in April of 2005 and I stopped writing altogether. It was about the time when web-logs were becoming popular gradually. Finally, after pushing myself to register and see how it goes, I started off with Kaliedoscope.

Unlike a diary, where everything and anything can be written, the bare facts cannot be written in my web-log. For, although this was true as an outlet of emotions, it was also there for everyone to see. Hence, the blogs should be in such a way as to track what I was going through and at the same time not reveal all. This led to hugely complicated metaphors, of Da Vinci style encryption, of a thought which comes to the mind which clearly relates to what I feel towards the world's treatment towards me, and in general, the climate of the happenings scribed in a way so as to say 'Its not always what it seems.'

Coming back to the pensive topic, well, I guess I fall into the category of people who feel like writing when they are feeling down. There are some blogs which are outright hilarious, and a treat to read. Not so mine, and I have no regrets! I would gladly settle down for a sentence for a day, if it comes to that, like that Carrie character in Sex and the city.

There are occasions when one feels offset by the current scenario that one is facing. People with determined goals often do not find themselves in quandaries as these. With aim in life, and goals set aside, few things that come in between will be easily brushed aside. Its people without this aim in life, who start asking "Whats the purpose of my life?" and start feeling the going getting tough.

Compare this to half a century ago to similar aged people, and the answer would be 'Need to live'. With world war and fight against colonialism raging through every nook and corner, the main purpose of life is to just plainly live. Compare it to the era of Great Depression, purpose of life was to just get a job. A very touchy movie being Cinderella Man. Makes your heart cry out. And come back to the era of fat paychecks and onsite assignments and and jobs overseas and enough-food-to-throw, with nothing practically to worry about, and yet, pensiveness does not stop. Watch Swades!

But then again, comparisons are bad things. One should not compare the current era to a century back. It sort of serves no purpose. At remote areas of this world, there are still such people.

Money and food and richness of life always does not necessarily keep the worries at bay. One needs the good company of like-minded people to share, to enjoy, to bask in the glory of sunlight. One of the amazing movies that capture this is in the legend Dr Raj Kumar's Doorada Betta (1973) in its famour song 'Preethine Aa Dyavru' where the catchline is 'Hasivinallu habbane (celebration even in hunger)'.

And it is when this good company starts gradually making its absence felt that pensiveness starts.