Clouded Mind

It was one of those moments when it seemed the chips were down and the weight of the world was on the shoulders. A scowl-ish frowning face, perplexed eye brows, irritating countenance and defeated strides just about summed me up squarely. The pain points were all around. And pricking at leisure. And having a good laugh about my dancing discomfiture.

As can be extrapolated from the previous post, my vocation is not all that great, what with the conscience hitting me out for justice not being made to either the role or the pay packet. Nor is the job something for which I am cut out for and be proud about. Suddenly, just being a Bachelor doesn’t seem enough.

The threat of marriage looming over my head like a guillotine. “Started searching?” (Pulling Leg), “You are next” (Sneer), “Line clear” (Teethful), “Still single?” (Shocked). Blessed are those who aren’t in this situation.

And then, the “ordinary guy” is having its effects on me. I seem to be stamped with an all-time mediocrity skill level in anything I do. Be it sports or academics or talent or job. My IQ isn’t all that great either. Master of none, is a huge negative point.

So on and so forth.

With a clouded mind, I looked out of my room window. I saw neighbour’s maid clearing out some clothes. I reflected on her life. I had been seeing her since almost a decade now. She had no education. To sustain her life and her family’s, she was into being a house-maid at a very early age. To make ends meet, she catered to a number of houses, and sometimes stayed late during special festivals so that she could earn quick money. Before she would know, she would perhaps be married to a man whom she wouldn’t have set eyes on, however brute of a male he might be. To her, IQ hardly mattered nor could she transform her desire of any sports or talent to any reality.

She didn’t have a career. She had to worry about her next meal everyday as there was always a constant threat of getting fired. Her bleak future had little or no hopes as she didn’t have education. She always wore sad-looking attire.

And here I was, sitting on a comfortable foam-filled mattress-cot with a ceiling fan. I had all other comforts right there. A television set, a laptop, a DVD player, some DVDs, some music CDs, some novels, etc. Most of which she wouldn’t have experienced as one of her own. I have never had to struggle and work to earn my next meal. Compared to the environs from where she was born and circumstances which led her to being what she is, I felt I am zillion times luckier than her but yet, here I was, harping on my pain points.

Clouded mind? Chips down? Weight of the world? Pain points?

Who am I kidding.