Damned if I do and Damned if I dont

I stood before Him with clasped hands and bowed with respect, and started pouring out all my troubles and worries mentally. It was with a heavy heart that I had come to the Temple and I was hoping that He will help me out of all my thoughts. There were so many things going wrong and it was as if Destiny had its arms tightly clasped around me, and I was gasping for breath. The feeling I had was one that of falling down in a bottomless well and waiting nervously for that sudden thud of jarring bones.

In the middle of my outpourings of professional and personal issues causing heaviness of the heart, I stopped short. There was once a mail forward which I had read about being one of the best speeches given. It starts off with the orator beginning with "1+1=2. 2+2=4. 3+3=9." While the audience was silent for the first 2 equations, the last equation brought about a murmur of discussion. This, the orator then tells, is habitual of men. In a world of things being right and wrong, there is always more emphasis on the negative aspects of life, and strangely it stands out tall more than the nice and pleasant ones. Even the newspapers having headlines of train accidents, bomb blasts, kidnappings, etc. are a proof of this.

There were innumerable things which had worked out marvellously in my Life, and here I am complaining to God about a dozen things which were not going right and which was making me sad. I apologised, and started thanking God for all the great things I had had because of Him instead of complaining about things which were not going right.

Once I was done thanking, which was understandably quick (!), the mind popped off again to the heaviness of the heart. After all, if I dont tell my problems to God, to whom shall I pour forth? "When God be there with you, it does not matter who is against." Moreover, my mom keeps saying "Sankata bandaga Venkataramana". Its as if God likes to be like a Godfather wherein people come and tell their problems so that he can solve them. It sort of makes Him feel important and powerful! For, if people did not have problems, then who would come to Him!!

Retrospecting, is there really a source of help from Him or is it just a maya and a source of Black Hole for mere mortals like us to pour our problems hoping something good will come out of it? One never knows. But its always good to know that there is one Silent person to hear us out!!

And hence, I laid all my troubles on a platter to Him and asked him how He would solve this, if He indeed could. Take, for example, winning a tennis game. I am playing my best and yet I am losing. I ask Him to help me win. God replies back saying the other person also has prayed and requested for help. Now what should God do? Should He consider the first-in-first-out policy and help the first person who requested for help?!! Or should He scan the background of each of the requestors and check the amount of karmas and help the one with least negatives?!!

Poor God, why to blame Him. He is in a deadlock situation too! Both ask for His help, but He can make only one of them win, and He has to let down the other. Its God's position of Damned if I do and Damned if I dont.

Either way, one has to lose. As Socrates said, "Better you be suffered than others". With this thought in mind of pitying God's position, and mouthing "Paapa Devaru. After all what can He do", I could picturise God coming to me and shrugging with open hands and saying "Sorry dude. Cant help you there." I felt like patting God on His shoulders and saying "Its ok. No problemo" and walking away, leaving God, looking at me departing from Temple, feeling for the first time as powerless!!

If only it was just a game of tennis...