We lose it all...
We all lose it all...
The best times shared...
The fun times together...
The laughs galore...
The tears of sorrow...
The growing up...
The cuddling and sleeping...
The small life of our own...
The routine pattern...
The embrace of happiness...
The shoulder for the heavy heart...
The need for one another...
The fightings and shoutings...
The Adoration...
The Blissfulness...
We lose it all...
We all lose it all...
Saturday, July 01, 2006
What an Honour!
Wimbledon 2006. Andre Agassi lost to Rafael Nadal in the third round. Agassi's last Wimbledon. He shakes referee's hands and starts packing his tennis kit. An official from Wimbledon approaches the players and asks for permission. The players consent. There will be a short interview amidst the crowd before Agassi leaves the court for good. An interview is never scheduled unless its a Final. But this is an exception. For Agassi.
Agassi has lost the match, but there is a standing ovation for him. It doesnt really feel as if he has lost. The interviewer cannot even start as the applause never ends. Agassi then does his customary four bows and kisses to the four sides of the Center Court. The commentator says - that is the only way he can silence the crowd; that is what they came here for!
What an Honour!
There are ordinary people like everyone else who rise to such heights in Life because of their extraordinary perseverance that it truly makes them immortal. To have garnered so much respect and honour, it is a pride to live and have the feeling of 'I have lived my Life's worth!'
Sachin Tendulkar, Don Bradman, Maradona, Pele, Boris Becker, Steffi Graf - the list is endless. It is almost like a sin to speak less of them or ridicule them. They have attained the echelons of Life where they are treated almost God-like, and their names will remain etched in the memories of those who have seen them play and will be a common folklore for the future generations who would have missed the Legends-in-Action!
To have thousands of people chanting your name, to have multitude of people loving you, to stand in the arena in the middle of tens of thousands of people, to entertain them with your talent, to earn the respect of millions of people all over the world and be called 'Immortal', it is but a fairy tale life that only a few can have.
And it is for those who have had such fairy tale lives, that, with a deep sense of pride and honour for what you are and what you have accomplished, I salute and bow down to thee.....
Agassi has lost the match, but there is a standing ovation for him. It doesnt really feel as if he has lost. The interviewer cannot even start as the applause never ends. Agassi then does his customary four bows and kisses to the four sides of the Center Court. The commentator says - that is the only way he can silence the crowd; that is what they came here for!
What an Honour!
There are ordinary people like everyone else who rise to such heights in Life because of their extraordinary perseverance that it truly makes them immortal. To have garnered so much respect and honour, it is a pride to live and have the feeling of 'I have lived my Life's worth!'
Sachin Tendulkar, Don Bradman, Maradona, Pele, Boris Becker, Steffi Graf - the list is endless. It is almost like a sin to speak less of them or ridicule them. They have attained the echelons of Life where they are treated almost God-like, and their names will remain etched in the memories of those who have seen them play and will be a common folklore for the future generations who would have missed the Legends-in-Action!
To have thousands of people chanting your name, to have multitude of people loving you, to stand in the arena in the middle of tens of thousands of people, to entertain them with your talent, to earn the respect of millions of people all over the world and be called 'Immortal', it is but a fairy tale life that only a few can have.
And it is for those who have had such fairy tale lives, that, with a deep sense of pride and honour for what you are and what you have accomplished, I salute and bow down to thee.....
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
The Turning Point
A single incident is sufficient for changing the nature of a relationship.
All it needs is one action. The action might not be significantly big but even a small sensitive issue is enough to blow the granite off between the pathway of 2 individuals. It might not even be an action, or an issue. Even the choice of one's set of words employed to convey something, or the general behaviour is good enough to turn the tide.
The incident might be of whatsoever nature and of no importance to all concerned, but it is sufficient to bring about a change in the perception of the recipient. And it is this change in the perception that will then on lead to a change in general overall behavior, perhaps to ignorance, and even upto separation.
Often, the reason for the change of attitude might never be specified. Probably because of the low magnitude of the actual event, albeit its significance. Nevertheless, there will be a change. Like an invisible wall being built between the two. This wall will gradually grow thicker and then there will come a time when the two can no longer be connected in whatsoever fashion.
Occasionally, this will happen even due to communication gap or misunderstanding. An action will be interpreted in a totally different manner and building one theory upon another, the mind being good in always accumulating ill thoughts than nice, pleasant ones, it takes a long time to explain the real rationale and the True Intent. The best way to prevent this, however, will be to break that wall as early as possible and come to terms. But, letting the construction of the wall go on without interrupting will only lead to The Ultimate Separation.
However, more often than not, it shall be perceived right and the sunset commences. It is not that one should be beware of such situations, but the fact remains that a single action is sufficient to shut the relationship off like a switch.
It has happened to me too. I cannot continue to be the same way I am to someone close to me if I perceive something that is done by that someone which is against The Basic Principles and something that really puts me off. I have been at the receiving end as well when people have just turned their backs to me and walked off due to some actions of mine.
It is heartening. As they say, 'Once the damage is done, it stays forever' and 'Crossing the Point of No Return.' Sad, but true.
For those of you who sense a change in me towards you, you now know why!
And for those of you who walked out on me, please do forgive and forget....
All it needs is one action. The action might not be significantly big but even a small sensitive issue is enough to blow the granite off between the pathway of 2 individuals. It might not even be an action, or an issue. Even the choice of one's set of words employed to convey something, or the general behaviour is good enough to turn the tide.
The incident might be of whatsoever nature and of no importance to all concerned, but it is sufficient to bring about a change in the perception of the recipient. And it is this change in the perception that will then on lead to a change in general overall behavior, perhaps to ignorance, and even upto separation.
Often, the reason for the change of attitude might never be specified. Probably because of the low magnitude of the actual event, albeit its significance. Nevertheless, there will be a change. Like an invisible wall being built between the two. This wall will gradually grow thicker and then there will come a time when the two can no longer be connected in whatsoever fashion.
Occasionally, this will happen even due to communication gap or misunderstanding. An action will be interpreted in a totally different manner and building one theory upon another, the mind being good in always accumulating ill thoughts than nice, pleasant ones, it takes a long time to explain the real rationale and the True Intent. The best way to prevent this, however, will be to break that wall as early as possible and come to terms. But, letting the construction of the wall go on without interrupting will only lead to The Ultimate Separation.
However, more often than not, it shall be perceived right and the sunset commences. It is not that one should be beware of such situations, but the fact remains that a single action is sufficient to shut the relationship off like a switch.
It has happened to me too. I cannot continue to be the same way I am to someone close to me if I perceive something that is done by that someone which is against The Basic Principles and something that really puts me off. I have been at the receiving end as well when people have just turned their backs to me and walked off due to some actions of mine.
It is heartening. As they say, 'Once the damage is done, it stays forever' and 'Crossing the Point of No Return.' Sad, but true.
For those of you who sense a change in me towards you, you now know why!
And for those of you who walked out on me, please do forgive and forget....
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Another day in paradise
The sky was blue. The air was crisp. The bees droned happily. The birds chirped merrily. The dew drops on the grass was fresh. It was like the world just had a fresh bath!
I felt great! As if someone had come and put all my worries and thoughts into a gunnybag and kicked it out of my mind and soul. I felt light and easy. The weight of the burden on my shoulder seemed to have been magically lifted.
I felt like a kid again. I went dancing along the road with a sprightly gaiety mouthing a ta di da di da! There was an infectious smile on my lips. Things looked beautiful all around. It was as if nothing wrong can ever happen in this nice and wonderful world!
Its true about one's apparel building up one's attitude. The dress, the clean-shaven face, the combed hair, the after shave - all added to the Goodness of the Ambience. I met a few people whom I knew and exchanged bonhomie and mutual praises! It always feels good to talk to people who respect and honour the relationship and the individual.
The mood was upbeat, the innocence was childish, the feel-good factor was high, the energy within was rejuvenating, the radiance was glowing, the feeling was one that of liberation!
It does feel good to free one's thoughts and worries once in a while and live the life of a kid to enjoy another day in paradise...
I felt great! As if someone had come and put all my worries and thoughts into a gunnybag and kicked it out of my mind and soul. I felt light and easy. The weight of the burden on my shoulder seemed to have been magically lifted.
I felt like a kid again. I went dancing along the road with a sprightly gaiety mouthing a ta di da di da! There was an infectious smile on my lips. Things looked beautiful all around. It was as if nothing wrong can ever happen in this nice and wonderful world!
Its true about one's apparel building up one's attitude. The dress, the clean-shaven face, the combed hair, the after shave - all added to the Goodness of the Ambience. I met a few people whom I knew and exchanged bonhomie and mutual praises! It always feels good to talk to people who respect and honour the relationship and the individual.
The mood was upbeat, the innocence was childish, the feel-good factor was high, the energy within was rejuvenating, the radiance was glowing, the feeling was one that of liberation!
It does feel good to free one's thoughts and worries once in a while and live the life of a kid to enjoy another day in paradise...
Saturday, June 24, 2006
How are you?
How does one answer to the simple question of 'How are you?' Should one fake it and say 'Good' and follow it up with a polite 'How about you?' even though the last thing that one wants to know is how the other person is doing?
There is no simple answer to this simple question. How am I what? How am I doing health-wise? How am I doing professionally? How is Life treating me? How am I feeling right now? Essentially, 'How are you?' is an incomplete question.
Perhaps, the question deserves a response for a thought which is on top of the head or for filling up an information gap. Like if I was met with an accident or had fallen ill and I go to office after a week, the 'How are you?'s are to be received with 'Much better, thank you. Still a long way to go to be up and about.' Adds a dose of self-pity and a reminder to others to be polite and understanding! Been working late for days together, and not working smart? The 'How are you?'s are to be received with 'Hanging in there' or 'Just breathing.' Again, adds a dose of self-pity and shows how much of hard work is being put in!
And for people wanting to be truly honest, and thinking the person who asked the question really wanted to know, they can start off with their feelings on almost all topics that is currently concering them! For most other situations, a rhetoric and meaningless 'Good' will do good enough.
The relationship shared between the requestor and requestee also matters in the response. If its just an acquaint, it would involve a short 5-second exchange. If perhaps, its more of a What-the-hell-happened-to Ganguly? relationship, you might as well dwell in a bit about what a dog's life it is. Climbing up the ladder of relationships, if its friendship, a 'How are you?' will be met with words of truth to which one can relate to easily. If its more of a spousal relationship, such a question might just about break the dam and make the tears flow, or equivalently but less likely, might start a hand-in-hand sprightly dance!
Perhaps it is a shortened version for the question 'If you were to rate between 1 and 10 as to your current status of Life, 1 being best and 10 being worst, what would you rate it today?' And perhaps, people with a habit of colouring their days with the appropriate shades, they might choose black as a very bad day and blue being a cheerful one! So then, a typical conversation will be like :
'How are you?'
'Hmm, 6. And you?'
'Pink'
'Oh ok. Good!'
Neither of them will know what they are talking about, but atleast it stops your lie clock from ticking each time you utter a false 'Good'!
There are a 100 things that will be going on in the head and when someone asks how am I, what should I give preference to and what should I partialise against? What should I lie and what should I hide? That in itself will become the 101st thing to think about!!
How am I?
Fan-bloody-tastic.
There is no simple answer to this simple question. How am I what? How am I doing health-wise? How am I doing professionally? How is Life treating me? How am I feeling right now? Essentially, 'How are you?' is an incomplete question.
Perhaps, the question deserves a response for a thought which is on top of the head or for filling up an information gap. Like if I was met with an accident or had fallen ill and I go to office after a week, the 'How are you?'s are to be received with 'Much better, thank you. Still a long way to go to be up and about.' Adds a dose of self-pity and a reminder to others to be polite and understanding! Been working late for days together, and not working smart? The 'How are you?'s are to be received with 'Hanging in there' or 'Just breathing.' Again, adds a dose of self-pity and shows how much of hard work is being put in!
And for people wanting to be truly honest, and thinking the person who asked the question really wanted to know, they can start off with their feelings on almost all topics that is currently concering them! For most other situations, a rhetoric and meaningless 'Good' will do good enough.
The relationship shared between the requestor and requestee also matters in the response. If its just an acquaint, it would involve a short 5-second exchange. If perhaps, its more of a What-the-hell-happened-to Ganguly? relationship, you might as well dwell in a bit about what a dog's life it is. Climbing up the ladder of relationships, if its friendship, a 'How are you?' will be met with words of truth to which one can relate to easily. If its more of a spousal relationship, such a question might just about break the dam and make the tears flow, or equivalently but less likely, might start a hand-in-hand sprightly dance!
Perhaps it is a shortened version for the question 'If you were to rate between 1 and 10 as to your current status of Life, 1 being best and 10 being worst, what would you rate it today?' And perhaps, people with a habit of colouring their days with the appropriate shades, they might choose black as a very bad day and blue being a cheerful one! So then, a typical conversation will be like :
'How are you?'
'Hmm, 6. And you?'
'Pink'
'Oh ok. Good!'
Neither of them will know what they are talking about, but atleast it stops your lie clock from ticking each time you utter a false 'Good'!
There are a 100 things that will be going on in the head and when someone asks how am I, what should I give preference to and what should I partialise against? What should I lie and what should I hide? That in itself will become the 101st thing to think about!!
How am I?
Fan-bloody-tastic.
Monday, June 19, 2006
The Second Defeat
How does it feel to lose a second time in life?
How does it feel to lose a second time in life in exactly the same manner?
How does it feel to lose the second eye as well?
How does it feel to get the second leg amputated as well?
How does it feel to become a widow a second time?
How does it feel to lose the second son in the exact same manner as how the first son was lost?
How does it feel to lose the father an year after losing the mother?
How does it feel to lose the grandmom after losing the granddad?
How does it feel to lose in a World Cup Final the second time?
How does it feel to experience the dejavu of the First Defeat and yet helplessly do nothing about it?
How does it feel to lose again?
How does it feel to die again?
How does it feel to lose a second time in life in exactly the same manner?
How does it feel to lose the second eye as well?
How does it feel to get the second leg amputated as well?
How does it feel to become a widow a second time?
How does it feel to lose the second son in the exact same manner as how the first son was lost?
How does it feel to lose the father an year after losing the mother?
How does it feel to lose the grandmom after losing the granddad?
How does it feel to lose in a World Cup Final the second time?
How does it feel to experience the dejavu of the First Defeat and yet helplessly do nothing about it?
How does it feel to lose again?
How does it feel to die again?
Passion about Cricket
Cricket has been a passion to me since childhood. It was the era when Sachin was rising in glory and every match of his - or perhaps I should say - every innings of his was watched with abated breath. An uncanny expectation from him to score a century each time he went to crease and save the team from the ignominy of a Defeat became an expectation which was almost always fulfilled!
There were times when India lost by a whisker and the rest of the day would go in mourning. There were times when we swore for mistakes committed on the field. There were times when we jumped up and down when the opposition's wicket was taken. Cricket, in short, was a game which replaced food, hunger and sleep.
However, much of this passion was lost once I came to US. Perhaps it was because we never used to watch the game live. Perhaps it was because of the inappropriate time zones. It was during general friendly chat sessions that I was aware of cricket matches involving India and respective scores. I, for one, thought, gone was the passion...
And then came the Fidelity-Infy Cricket Championship Cup for Infoscions in US working for Fidelity client. It was a memorable day! Especially because the team representing our group won and more so due to the fact that I re-discovered my passion after a very long time! The passion of shouting, cheering, swearing, kicking, advising - all of which comes only when there is a high level of competitiveness on a sports ground.
It felt nice to be passionate again!
PS: Here is the link for some of the snaps...
There were times when India lost by a whisker and the rest of the day would go in mourning. There were times when we swore for mistakes committed on the field. There were times when we jumped up and down when the opposition's wicket was taken. Cricket, in short, was a game which replaced food, hunger and sleep.
However, much of this passion was lost once I came to US. Perhaps it was because we never used to watch the game live. Perhaps it was because of the inappropriate time zones. It was during general friendly chat sessions that I was aware of cricket matches involving India and respective scores. I, for one, thought, gone was the passion...
And then came the Fidelity-Infy Cricket Championship Cup for Infoscions in US working for Fidelity client. It was a memorable day! Especially because the team representing our group won and more so due to the fact that I re-discovered my passion after a very long time! The passion of shouting, cheering, swearing, kicking, advising - all of which comes only when there is a high level of competitiveness on a sports ground.
It felt nice to be passionate again!
PS: Here is the link for some of the snaps...
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Damned if I do and Damned if I dont
I stood before Him with clasped hands and bowed with respect, and started pouring out all my troubles and worries mentally. It was with a heavy heart that I had come to the Temple and I was hoping that He will help me out of all my thoughts. There were so many things going wrong and it was as if Destiny had its arms tightly clasped around me, and I was gasping for breath. The feeling I had was one that of falling down in a bottomless well and waiting nervously for that sudden thud of jarring bones.
In the middle of my outpourings of professional and personal issues causing heaviness of the heart, I stopped short. There was once a mail forward which I had read about being one of the best speeches given. It starts off with the orator beginning with "1+1=2. 2+2=4. 3+3=9." While the audience was silent for the first 2 equations, the last equation brought about a murmur of discussion. This, the orator then tells, is habitual of men. In a world of things being right and wrong, there is always more emphasis on the negative aspects of life, and strangely it stands out tall more than the nice and pleasant ones. Even the newspapers having headlines of train accidents, bomb blasts, kidnappings, etc. are a proof of this.
There were innumerable things which had worked out marvellously in my Life, and here I am complaining to God about a dozen things which were not going right and which was making me sad. I apologised, and started thanking God for all the great things I had had because of Him instead of complaining about things which were not going right.
Once I was done thanking, which was understandably quick (!), the mind popped off again to the heaviness of the heart. After all, if I dont tell my problems to God, to whom shall I pour forth? "When God be there with you, it does not matter who is against." Moreover, my mom keeps saying "Sankata bandaga Venkataramana". Its as if God likes to be like a Godfather wherein people come and tell their problems so that he can solve them. It sort of makes Him feel important and powerful! For, if people did not have problems, then who would come to Him!!
Retrospecting, is there really a source of help from Him or is it just a maya and a source of Black Hole for mere mortals like us to pour our problems hoping something good will come out of it? One never knows. But its always good to know that there is one Silent person to hear us out!!
And hence, I laid all my troubles on a platter to Him and asked him how He would solve this, if He indeed could. Take, for example, winning a tennis game. I am playing my best and yet I am losing. I ask Him to help me win. God replies back saying the other person also has prayed and requested for help. Now what should God do? Should He consider the first-in-first-out policy and help the first person who requested for help?!! Or should He scan the background of each of the requestors and check the amount of karmas and help the one with least negatives?!!
Poor God, why to blame Him. He is in a deadlock situation too! Both ask for His help, but He can make only one of them win, and He has to let down the other. Its God's position of Damned if I do and Damned if I dont.
Either way, one has to lose. As Socrates said, "Better you be suffered than others". With this thought in mind of pitying God's position, and mouthing "Paapa Devaru. After all what can He do", I could picturise God coming to me and shrugging with open hands and saying "Sorry dude. Cant help you there." I felt like patting God on His shoulders and saying "Its ok. No problemo" and walking away, leaving God, looking at me departing from Temple, feeling for the first time as powerless!!
If only it was just a game of tennis...
In the middle of my outpourings of professional and personal issues causing heaviness of the heart, I stopped short. There was once a mail forward which I had read about being one of the best speeches given. It starts off with the orator beginning with "1+1=2. 2+2=4. 3+3=9." While the audience was silent for the first 2 equations, the last equation brought about a murmur of discussion. This, the orator then tells, is habitual of men. In a world of things being right and wrong, there is always more emphasis on the negative aspects of life, and strangely it stands out tall more than the nice and pleasant ones. Even the newspapers having headlines of train accidents, bomb blasts, kidnappings, etc. are a proof of this.
There were innumerable things which had worked out marvellously in my Life, and here I am complaining to God about a dozen things which were not going right and which was making me sad. I apologised, and started thanking God for all the great things I had had because of Him instead of complaining about things which were not going right.
Once I was done thanking, which was understandably quick (!), the mind popped off again to the heaviness of the heart. After all, if I dont tell my problems to God, to whom shall I pour forth? "When God be there with you, it does not matter who is against." Moreover, my mom keeps saying "Sankata bandaga Venkataramana". Its as if God likes to be like a Godfather wherein people come and tell their problems so that he can solve them. It sort of makes Him feel important and powerful! For, if people did not have problems, then who would come to Him!!
Retrospecting, is there really a source of help from Him or is it just a maya and a source of Black Hole for mere mortals like us to pour our problems hoping something good will come out of it? One never knows. But its always good to know that there is one Silent person to hear us out!!
And hence, I laid all my troubles on a platter to Him and asked him how He would solve this, if He indeed could. Take, for example, winning a tennis game. I am playing my best and yet I am losing. I ask Him to help me win. God replies back saying the other person also has prayed and requested for help. Now what should God do? Should He consider the first-in-first-out policy and help the first person who requested for help?!! Or should He scan the background of each of the requestors and check the amount of karmas and help the one with least negatives?!!
Poor God, why to blame Him. He is in a deadlock situation too! Both ask for His help, but He can make only one of them win, and He has to let down the other. Its God's position of Damned if I do and Damned if I dont.
Either way, one has to lose. As Socrates said, "Better you be suffered than others". With this thought in mind of pitying God's position, and mouthing "Paapa Devaru. After all what can He do", I could picturise God coming to me and shrugging with open hands and saying "Sorry dude. Cant help you there." I felt like patting God on His shoulders and saying "Its ok. No problemo" and walking away, leaving God, looking at me departing from Temple, feeling for the first time as powerless!!
If only it was just a game of tennis...
ER
The whiteness all around is dazzling. The walls are white, the lights are bright, the doctors have white coat, the patients are covered in white sheets.
Whats all this about white in an ER?
Cheering up the atmosphere?
Whats all this about white in an ER?
Cheering up the atmosphere?
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Blah Blah Blah
Shrouded under mystery is the truth of the cliche "express your emotions freely." 'Shrouded', I use, as I myself have lost all belief in it, for my experiences in trying out an enterprise as the phrase suggests have always landed me, to put the blow softly, in a soup, whereas all those whom I know, grandiosely tilt the balance in favour of it, as evidently, their experiences in trying out schemes of the same aforementioned key have landed them, so to speak, amongst the Garden of Eden.
It is often said that being expressful of one's emotions is considered as being sentimental. Although being "senti" - as it is famously phrased - is considered as a part of life, it is also often ridiculed as leading one's own mind to astray and more importantly, it is attached to a person with a weak mind and one who has no control over it. [Since feelings are considered more a part of 'heart'-issue than the 'mind', I guess you can score off the 'mind' and replace with 'heart' in the previous sentence!]
Yet, as humans, one comes across situations in life invariably when one has to lay the facts bare, stop beating around the bush, and hit the button of "Moment of Truth." There is no use brooding what might happen if blah-blah-blah, or if I dont blah-blah-blah, for one will know only when the blah-blah-blah is blah-blah-blahed!!
And once the ball of the blah-blah-blah is atlast pushed across the court with as much power (and heart!) as one could muster, the recipient receives it in either of the two ways. [Mind you, if this blog was about just putting one's tender emotions toward another person, perhaps, sandal-slapping would have been one of the two ways, but then again, gone are those days. However, this blog is more about generic expressing of one's beliefs, emotions and thoughts about whatsoever topic to whomsoever it may concern]
Recipient could either hear it as the key to The Blue Skies, and swing in harmony with the blah-blah-blah and agree wholeheartedly, or as demurely and politely as one can enact such dramatic scenes, refuse to accept or acknowledge the rings of truth bearing in the blah-blah-blah. While it is true that the former will feel like 'One small step for man, one giant leap for humanity', the latter has an equivalent irreparable reverse effect of 'One small step for man, one giant leap into a sucking swamp.'
Or maybe the Providence backs only those who say the right things at the right time in the right way. Whatever it is, either Providence is not backing me up or my life has a lousy sense of timing or my mannerisms of putting the point across needs a lot of restructuring or, hitting the very core, perhaps my basic thinking has to be scrutinised, most of my frank outpourings of thoughts and emotions have left me to conclude, plainly and simply, that it should not be done! For in most cases, it has not just pulled me into the swamp, it has also pulled the recipient into a labyrinth of complications, and if there is one worst thing in life that can happen, it is putting someone else into pain for your sake.
It is hence that I started believing, "Somethings are best remained unsaid."
It is often said that being expressful of one's emotions is considered as being sentimental. Although being "senti" - as it is famously phrased - is considered as a part of life, it is also often ridiculed as leading one's own mind to astray and more importantly, it is attached to a person with a weak mind and one who has no control over it. [Since feelings are considered more a part of 'heart'-issue than the 'mind', I guess you can score off the 'mind' and replace with 'heart' in the previous sentence!]
Yet, as humans, one comes across situations in life invariably when one has to lay the facts bare, stop beating around the bush, and hit the button of "Moment of Truth." There is no use brooding what might happen if blah-blah-blah, or if I dont blah-blah-blah, for one will know only when the blah-blah-blah is blah-blah-blahed!!
And once the ball of the blah-blah-blah is atlast pushed across the court with as much power (and heart!) as one could muster, the recipient receives it in either of the two ways. [Mind you, if this blog was about just putting one's tender emotions toward another person, perhaps, sandal-slapping would have been one of the two ways, but then again, gone are those days. However, this blog is more about generic expressing of one's beliefs, emotions and thoughts about whatsoever topic to whomsoever it may concern]
Recipient could either hear it as the key to The Blue Skies, and swing in harmony with the blah-blah-blah and agree wholeheartedly, or as demurely and politely as one can enact such dramatic scenes, refuse to accept or acknowledge the rings of truth bearing in the blah-blah-blah. While it is true that the former will feel like 'One small step for man, one giant leap for humanity', the latter has an equivalent irreparable reverse effect of 'One small step for man, one giant leap into a sucking swamp.'
Or maybe the Providence backs only those who say the right things at the right time in the right way. Whatever it is, either Providence is not backing me up or my life has a lousy sense of timing or my mannerisms of putting the point across needs a lot of restructuring or, hitting the very core, perhaps my basic thinking has to be scrutinised, most of my frank outpourings of thoughts and emotions have left me to conclude, plainly and simply, that it should not be done! For in most cases, it has not just pulled me into the swamp, it has also pulled the recipient into a labyrinth of complications, and if there is one worst thing in life that can happen, it is putting someone else into pain for your sake.
It is hence that I started believing, "Somethings are best remained unsaid."
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
The Grass is Green
Such is the life of an employed that one cannot construe to derive any pleasures out of it, but yet goes through with it day in and day out in another one of those shoulder-needed-to-lean-on rigmaroles of life which a human has to endure nevertheless, not just for the sake of going through with it, but for a dual purpose of walking on the streets with head held high and chin up, as if challenging the rising of the Sun every day, and for the second more important reason of satisfying the tantrums of the once-in-three-hours scheduled rumbling tummy. It is at times like this that one wishes to go back to the aeons of the innocent schoolhood when all one has to do is study when its nearing exams, eat when mom forces and sleep an angel's sleep without a feather of a worry.
But then again comes the numbing memories of nerve racking experiences faced during schoolhood with sleepless nights and month long exams and incomprehensible Geometrical problems added with memorising mindless Economical Five year plans and unretentive Biological terms and what not. It is at times like those, when waiting for the school bus, there was a dream of that day of Graduation when atlast farewell is bid to education, followed by a nice pay-packet job, enabling to whiz away with one's own bike, and Vitamin M to flutter, leading to think that there will be no more tensions and no more nightouts and no more formulae to memorise.
Ironical!
But then again, as the wise men have said, the grass is always greener on the other side. Is there an "other side"?!!
But then again comes the numbing memories of nerve racking experiences faced during schoolhood with sleepless nights and month long exams and incomprehensible Geometrical problems added with memorising mindless Economical Five year plans and unretentive Biological terms and what not. It is at times like those, when waiting for the school bus, there was a dream of that day of Graduation when atlast farewell is bid to education, followed by a nice pay-packet job, enabling to whiz away with one's own bike, and Vitamin M to flutter, leading to think that there will be no more tensions and no more nightouts and no more formulae to memorise.
Ironical!
But then again, as the wise men have said, the grass is always greener on the other side. Is there an "other side"?!!
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
A Promise is a Promise
I am a great lover of movies. Blame it on genes perhaps. My granddad on mom's side is a movie freak. Even to this day he never misses any movie that comes on the local channels, be it a repeat telecast or a new one. And he enjoys it to the core and laughs the same infectious laugh which he would have laughed when he would have first seen it!
However, this inheritance of watching-all-movies-aired is not so much in me as much as it is in him, and I just taste the "few good ones". I tasted one such movie yesterday named "The End of the Affair" and was overwhelmed by it! Based on a novel by Graham Greene, this movie was fascinating in its screenplay. The flow of the story was gripping and was extremely touching in the end. Set in the background of the World War II, it depicts the story of a man and a woman who fall intensely in love. Needless to say, the story requiring it, there are quite a few scenes which ought not to be seen with children playing around, but the point I would like to emphasise more on is crude nature of life that set me thinking, can Man win against Fate?
This blog is not related to the first para (my liking for movies) nor related to the second para (review of 'The End of the Affair'). This is more to do with a miraculous scene in the movie wherein one sacrifices for the betterment of the loved one by way of a promise, and when the loved one really gets better, would one be strong enough to hold onto the promise? As its mentioned in the movie "I took a promise and challenged Fate, and Fate accepted it. But then, now I realise, I am just a weak human. I cannot hold onto my promise. I am tired. I cannot go on any longer fighting. I have failed."
That set me thinking. Will I fail too?
However, this inheritance of watching-all-movies-aired is not so much in me as much as it is in him, and I just taste the "few good ones". I tasted one such movie yesterday named "The End of the Affair" and was overwhelmed by it! Based on a novel by Graham Greene, this movie was fascinating in its screenplay. The flow of the story was gripping and was extremely touching in the end. Set in the background of the World War II, it depicts the story of a man and a woman who fall intensely in love. Needless to say, the story requiring it, there are quite a few scenes which ought not to be seen with children playing around, but the point I would like to emphasise more on is crude nature of life that set me thinking, can Man win against Fate?
This blog is not related to the first para (my liking for movies) nor related to the second para (review of 'The End of the Affair'). This is more to do with a miraculous scene in the movie wherein one sacrifices for the betterment of the loved one by way of a promise, and when the loved one really gets better, would one be strong enough to hold onto the promise? As its mentioned in the movie "I took a promise and challenged Fate, and Fate accepted it. But then, now I realise, I am just a weak human. I cannot hold onto my promise. I am tired. I cannot go on any longer fighting. I have failed."
That set me thinking. Will I fail too?
Friday, May 05, 2006
Communication
Date : May 1st 2006
Location : Onsite
Mode of communication : Yahoo Messenger
A to B : "Is X coming onsite?"
B does not know.
Date : May 2nd 2006
Location : Onsite
Mode of communication : Email
B to C : "X might come onsite. Right?"
C does not know.
Date : May 2nd 2006
Location : Onsite
Mode of communication : Mobile Phone
C to D : "I heard X is coming onsite. True?"
D does not know.
Date : May 2nd 2006
Location : Onsite (to Offshore)
Mode of communication : Orkut
D to E : "X is coming onsite."
E does not know.
Date : May 3rd 2006
Location : Offshore
Mode of communication : SMS
E to X : "You are going onsite."
X does not know.
Date : May 3rd 2006
Location : Offshore
Mode of communication : Verbal
X to Manager : "Am I going onsite?"
Manager to X : "No."
Location : Onsite
Mode of communication : Yahoo Messenger
A to B : "Is X coming onsite?"
B does not know.
Date : May 2nd 2006
Location : Onsite
Mode of communication : Email
B to C : "X might come onsite. Right?"
C does not know.
Date : May 2nd 2006
Location : Onsite
Mode of communication : Mobile Phone
C to D : "I heard X is coming onsite. True?"
D does not know.
Date : May 2nd 2006
Location : Onsite (to Offshore)
Mode of communication : Orkut
D to E : "X is coming onsite."
E does not know.
Date : May 3rd 2006
Location : Offshore
Mode of communication : SMS
E to X : "You are going onsite."
X does not know.
Date : May 3rd 2006
Location : Offshore
Mode of communication : Verbal
X to Manager : "Am I going onsite?"
Manager to X : "No."
Monday, May 01, 2006
Picture Perfect
The waves lapped at my feet. The sand around was warm. The breeze was light. It was a clear blue sky. The sun rays was just about perfect. A serene atmosphere. Picture of peace and tranquility.
I gazed out at the ocean. It was just water, water and water all round, stretching for miles and miles, from east to west, till the horizon became a dim and thin margin between the ocean and the azure sky.
There was something about an ocean which always kept me in rapt attention. It made me gaze at it for hours together without getting bored. Perhaps it is due to the enormity and near-omnipresence Divine feel. The silence in the air brought clarity to thought. The swish-swashing of the waves was like God trying to listen to one's thoughts. I could relate to the feeling of being "One with the Universe."
She was sitting beside me. I looked at her and gave her a smile. She smiled back. There were a thousand things going on in my head and I wanted to tell a hundred of them to her, and yet, I didnt, and nor did she prod me. I am sure the same thoughts were going through her. There was a mutual respect for each other's personal space. In spite of no conversation, we felt at ease, and there was nothing awkward about the companionable silence.
Just her very presence added that much more charm to the already beautiful natural setting. I felt blessed and did not want the blissfulness to end. The past did not worry me and nor did the future, while I sank in the perfect harmony of the present.
It was one of those rare occasions when one feels the swelling joy of Life being complete.
I gazed out at the ocean. It was just water, water and water all round, stretching for miles and miles, from east to west, till the horizon became a dim and thin margin between the ocean and the azure sky.
There was something about an ocean which always kept me in rapt attention. It made me gaze at it for hours together without getting bored. Perhaps it is due to the enormity and near-omnipresence Divine feel. The silence in the air brought clarity to thought. The swish-swashing of the waves was like God trying to listen to one's thoughts. I could relate to the feeling of being "One with the Universe."
She was sitting beside me. I looked at her and gave her a smile. She smiled back. There were a thousand things going on in my head and I wanted to tell a hundred of them to her, and yet, I didnt, and nor did she prod me. I am sure the same thoughts were going through her. There was a mutual respect for each other's personal space. In spite of no conversation, we felt at ease, and there was nothing awkward about the companionable silence.
Just her very presence added that much more charm to the already beautiful natural setting. I felt blessed and did not want the blissfulness to end. The past did not worry me and nor did the future, while I sank in the perfect harmony of the present.
It was one of those rare occasions when one feels the swelling joy of Life being complete.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Six to Twelve
Sun rays filtered through the blinds at about Six. By 7, I had my breakfast. By 8, I logged on to internet. I had got a mail that I had to pay my T-Mobile Cell Phone Bill. I went to www.t-mobile.com and entered user id (which is the same as my phone number) 2692679621. I entered the pwd. An x-digit number. To pay the bill, I had to provide my 16-digit credit card number.
I left home to office in my 1994 Volvo 850. I had the engine checked up over the weekend. Engine or battery check locks the stereo system. I had to reset it using another x-digit number.
I reached office by 9. To enter into the office building, I had to swipe my card and punch in a 6 digit code. Once I reached the desk, to see mails from offshore, I logged on to https://xnet.infosys.com (Infosys Intranet for onsite employees). User id as harsha_rao and pwd of a 6-digit number that comes off the Secure ID after entering the 4-digit Secure ID number that is assigned to me. As my Infosys Mail server pwd was getting expired, I had to re-type the x digit alpha numeric old pwd and create another y digit alpha numeric new pwd.
With this new y digit alpha numeric new pwd, I logged onto my Infy mails and went though the offshore mails. To get more clarity in the issues raised from offshore, I called up the Infosys Offshore number. 1800-ITLINFO. Then 1. Then my 5-digit employee ID (18549) and #. Then the 6-digit PIN given to me and #. Then 1. Then 1. Then the 5-digit Offshore extension number. It went to voicemail. Voicemail asked me to press 0 to transfer to another extension. I pressed 0. It then asked me to press the extension to which I want to get transferred to. Another 5-digit number. Once I did that, it asked me to confirm by pressing #. Once done, it went to the extension. But unfortunately, it went to voice box again.
Frustruated, I hung up. I now had to call the offshore person's cell number. There was an official phone card to be used. Its an 11 digit number. And then, had to enter 01-91 and the 10 digit cell number and #. And then 10 digit authorisation number. Thankfully, the call went through.
Next, I thought, I will give my home a call. Went to www.relianceindiacall.com. User id was my 11 digit authorisation number and PIN was an x-digit number. Once recharged, called up 1800-RELIANCE and the same 11 digit authorisation number and the same x-digit PIN. And then, entered, 91-80 and the 8 digit home number. No one picked up. Again, had to repeat the same process, but in the end, called up 91 and the 10 digit cell number.
My pop raised some concerns about my financial stability. So, logged onto www.dcu.org (My bank in US) and entered the 7 digit membership number and an x-digit password. The figures in my account was not so reassuring. Now that I was logged onto DCU, I thought I might as well update the bank details in Pay World (Infosys extranet link that needs the bank and other legal details for salary processing at onsite). I updated the Pay World link with my 9 digit SSN, 9 digit routing number and 8 digit checking account number.
Going back to the financial-stability-concern topic, I wondered how much money I had in my Indian account. So, I went to www.icicibank.com and entered my 9 digit user id and x digit alpha numeric pwd under the 'personal' tab. Was not satisfied with the figures there as well.
It was time to transfer some money to india. So clicked on 'Money2india' tab and entered the 9 digit user id and x digit alpha numeric pwd to log on. After transferring money, I logged out and browsed through my personal Email domains of yahoo and hotmail (each requiring different user ids and x- and y- digit pwds) to check if there were any significant mails to respond to. There were none. However, there was a notification of a scrap left in my Orkut Scrap book. So I logged onto www.orkut.com with my user id and another x-digit pwd. Browsed Orkut till I got bored.
I then logged onto exchange mail server of client domain with my x digit pwd. Once I was done with a few meetings, it was almost lunch time. Instead of using credit card, I used my debit card (which necessitated me to punch in an x-digit pwd for transaction to complete). Had an interesting tete-a-tete with colleagues about the greatness of the Man's mind, considering all the numbers that one had to remember these days in order to just live through the day!
Back at my desk, I went to the official library site and logged in with my 14 digit user id and x digit pwd. After requesting a few DVDs and nice books, I logged off and suddenly realised that I had to work on a few bugs assigned to me. I logged onto client's official Kintana (Defect Tracking) web site with my x digit pwd.
Once done working on those bugs, I thought I might as well check out the health benefits for which I am eligible in Aetna. One more user id and pwd. Then I thought about the salary slip that would have been posted onto the ADP site. One more user id and pwd.
Time to go home. Reached home and realised I had forgotten to upload mails to offshore. Connected remotely to office machine through RSA Secure ID 6 digit PIN number. While I was busy with this, I got a missed call on my cell. Looking it up, there was a voice message for me. That needed an x digit pwd for me to punch in before I can listen to the message. I called back the person who had left the message and had a nice hour-long chat on who will quit next.
Once done with that, had some junk food and faked it to work as dinner for the rumbling tummy. Logged onto internet once more and chatted with dear pals on "What to do in life". Realised, its been one long day, blogged this one out, and hit the sack at Twelve.
I left home to office in my 1994 Volvo 850. I had the engine checked up over the weekend. Engine or battery check locks the stereo system. I had to reset it using another x-digit number.
I reached office by 9. To enter into the office building, I had to swipe my card and punch in a 6 digit code. Once I reached the desk, to see mails from offshore, I logged on to https://xnet.infosys.com (Infosys Intranet for onsite employees). User id as harsha_rao and pwd of a 6-digit number that comes off the Secure ID after entering the 4-digit Secure ID number that is assigned to me. As my Infosys Mail server pwd was getting expired, I had to re-type the x digit alpha numeric old pwd and create another y digit alpha numeric new pwd.
With this new y digit alpha numeric new pwd, I logged onto my Infy mails and went though the offshore mails. To get more clarity in the issues raised from offshore, I called up the Infosys Offshore number. 1800-ITLINFO. Then 1. Then my 5-digit employee ID (18549) and #. Then the 6-digit PIN given to me and #. Then 1. Then 1. Then the 5-digit Offshore extension number. It went to voicemail. Voicemail asked me to press 0 to transfer to another extension. I pressed 0. It then asked me to press the extension to which I want to get transferred to. Another 5-digit number. Once I did that, it asked me to confirm by pressing #. Once done, it went to the extension. But unfortunately, it went to voice box again.
Frustruated, I hung up. I now had to call the offshore person's cell number. There was an official phone card to be used. Its an 11 digit number. And then, had to enter 01-91 and the 10 digit cell number and #. And then 10 digit authorisation number. Thankfully, the call went through.
Next, I thought, I will give my home a call. Went to www.relianceindiacall.com. User id was my 11 digit authorisation number and PIN was an x-digit number. Once recharged, called up 1800-RELIANCE and the same 11 digit authorisation number and the same x-digit PIN. And then, entered, 91-80 and the 8 digit home number. No one picked up. Again, had to repeat the same process, but in the end, called up 91 and the 10 digit cell number.
My pop raised some concerns about my financial stability. So, logged onto www.dcu.org (My bank in US) and entered the 7 digit membership number and an x-digit password. The figures in my account was not so reassuring. Now that I was logged onto DCU, I thought I might as well update the bank details in Pay World (Infosys extranet link that needs the bank and other legal details for salary processing at onsite). I updated the Pay World link with my 9 digit SSN, 9 digit routing number and 8 digit checking account number.
Going back to the financial-stability-concern topic, I wondered how much money I had in my Indian account. So, I went to www.icicibank.com and entered my 9 digit user id and x digit alpha numeric pwd under the 'personal' tab. Was not satisfied with the figures there as well.
It was time to transfer some money to india. So clicked on 'Money2india' tab and entered the 9 digit user id and x digit alpha numeric pwd to log on. After transferring money, I logged out and browsed through my personal Email domains of yahoo and hotmail (each requiring different user ids and x- and y- digit pwds) to check if there were any significant mails to respond to. There were none. However, there was a notification of a scrap left in my Orkut Scrap book. So I logged onto www.orkut.com with my user id and another x-digit pwd. Browsed Orkut till I got bored.
I then logged onto exchange mail server of client domain with my x digit pwd. Once I was done with a few meetings, it was almost lunch time. Instead of using credit card, I used my debit card (which necessitated me to punch in an x-digit pwd for transaction to complete). Had an interesting tete-a-tete with colleagues about the greatness of the Man's mind, considering all the numbers that one had to remember these days in order to just live through the day!
Back at my desk, I went to the official library site and logged in with my 14 digit user id and x digit pwd. After requesting a few DVDs and nice books, I logged off and suddenly realised that I had to work on a few bugs assigned to me. I logged onto client's official Kintana (Defect Tracking) web site with my x digit pwd.
Once done working on those bugs, I thought I might as well check out the health benefits for which I am eligible in Aetna. One more user id and pwd. Then I thought about the salary slip that would have been posted onto the ADP site. One more user id and pwd.
Time to go home. Reached home and realised I had forgotten to upload mails to offshore. Connected remotely to office machine through RSA Secure ID 6 digit PIN number. While I was busy with this, I got a missed call on my cell. Looking it up, there was a voice message for me. That needed an x digit pwd for me to punch in before I can listen to the message. I called back the person who had left the message and had a nice hour-long chat on who will quit next.
Once done with that, had some junk food and faked it to work as dinner for the rumbling tummy. Logged onto internet once more and chatted with dear pals on "What to do in life". Realised, its been one long day, blogged this one out, and hit the sack at Twelve.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Tribute to a Legend
Only a few can be what Dr Rajkumar was….
It is with regret that I have to say 'was'…
May God Rest his Soul in Peace…
Dr. Raj, I bow down to thee...
It is with regret that I have to say 'was'…
May God Rest his Soul in Peace…
Dr. Raj, I bow down to thee...
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Endaro Mahanubhavulu...
There are people......and there are extraordinary people.
Many a great men have been to this world, and many more will come. They have in them an aura of Supreme Divinity, and super human powers of unscalable measures which all but makes the others around stand in awe.
They are people whom people look upto in times of crisis. They are people who give so much to the world and to the others. They make the impossible possible. They give excitement to the Life and make something to look forward to. Life is enriched by their presence. They are worthy of Honour and of Immense Respect. Few are known to the world but many die a desert rose.
I cannot count the number of great people I know, but each one has been special in his or her own way. And for each of them....
...Andariki Vandanamulu
Many a great men have been to this world, and many more will come. They have in them an aura of Supreme Divinity, and super human powers of unscalable measures which all but makes the others around stand in awe.
They are people whom people look upto in times of crisis. They are people who give so much to the world and to the others. They make the impossible possible. They give excitement to the Life and make something to look forward to. Life is enriched by their presence. They are worthy of Honour and of Immense Respect. Few are known to the world but many die a desert rose.
I cannot count the number of great people I know, but each one has been special in his or her own way. And for each of them....
...Andariki Vandanamulu
Sunday, April 09, 2006
The Satan Speaks...
Everyone commits a crime.
Everyone commits a sin.
And not everyone intends to harm, but due to situational oscillations, in the end, the Repent stands out Tall.
And by that time, its a point of no return, and the damage is irreparably done.
The conscience of the Act makes one never to forget what one did, and makes sure future is not going to be the same happy self that it was.
Yet, one tries to make one's life as same as it was and act as if nothing happened.
But, the fear lurks that the sins of a person will always return.
And it surely does.
Its just a matter of time...
Everyone commits a sin.
And not everyone intends to harm, but due to situational oscillations, in the end, the Repent stands out Tall.
And by that time, its a point of no return, and the damage is irreparably done.
The conscience of the Act makes one never to forget what one did, and makes sure future is not going to be the same happy self that it was.
Yet, one tries to make one's life as same as it was and act as if nothing happened.
But, the fear lurks that the sins of a person will always return.
And it surely does.
Its just a matter of time...
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Letting go...
For every man, there comes a moment to "let go".
It is but the quirk of fate that makes us all to "let go".
The heart takes a leap and twists itself in remorse, but all we can do is "let go".
Tennyson : "Men may come and men may go, but I go on forever."
Finishing college is to "let go"
Bidding farewell is to "let go"
Aging is to "let go"
Denise McCluggage: "Change is the only constant. Hanging on is the only sin."
Euthanasia is to "let go"
Amputation is to "let go"
Tsunami victim: "I held my 2 sons. To save one of them, the other I had to let go"
Sidney Sheldon: But its the Fates. You cant fight the Fates.
For situations of "letting go"
As a mark of respect to times of "wow"
One can only remove the hat, and give a respectful bow
Alistair MacLean: And just continue to be the Puppet on a chain
What Achilles had in his heel, I have it in "Letting Go..."
It is but the quirk of fate that makes us all to "let go".
The heart takes a leap and twists itself in remorse, but all we can do is "let go".
Tennyson : "Men may come and men may go, but I go on forever."
Finishing college is to "let go"
Bidding farewell is to "let go"
Aging is to "let go"
Denise McCluggage: "Change is the only constant. Hanging on is the only sin."
Euthanasia is to "let go"
Amputation is to "let go"
Tsunami victim: "I held my 2 sons. To save one of them, the other I had to let go"
Sidney Sheldon: But its the Fates. You cant fight the Fates.
For situations of "letting go"
As a mark of respect to times of "wow"
One can only remove the hat, and give a respectful bow
Alistair MacLean: And just continue to be the Puppet on a chain
What Achilles had in his heel, I have it in "Letting Go..."
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