There is something about meeting a person whom you have never met before that somehow makes you open out and just be yourself unlike in other instances where a default mask comes over us for different set of known people, as described very aptly by my good friend in The Multi-faced me (us)!.
Meeting a stranger is sometimes like meeting a psychology doctor whose main intention is to open out your thoughts and make you relaxed so as to dig into the core problem. Only difference being that when you are on a date, the partner is not really digging into you but just allowing you to be you.
Just being ourselves in itself opens up a space of comfortability which makes the proceedings much easier and the sense of being together that much more wanting. All, assuming, of course, that you happen to like certain things in the other person and there is very less to crib about.
Its usually the face that matters a lot. It need not be beautiful or handsome, although that will surely help! But its sufficient even if its soothing and understanding and with an omnipresent smile. That will work just as well.
It wasnt meant to be a date. I was introduced to her by a friend of mine. We were perfect strangers. She had a very pleasant face with a graceful and flowing voice and an ever twinkle in her eyes. An infectious smile with an aura of goodness enveloping her.
Within a few hours, there was a solid bonding between the two of us and it was as if we had known each other for years together. Since we were practically strangers, there was no expectations and all we had to be was just be ourselves. You start liking the beautiful you!
We knew we had to part ways within a few hours and we knew we shall never meet again in life. Perhaps this added onto it. Hand-in-hand we roamed for hours together, dined together and talked and talked. We went window shopping, we sat on the streets and gazed at the multitude of people and gossiped. We went to a coffee shop and chatted for 2 hours!
Finally, it was time to go. Since the farewell was expected from the start, there was no disappointment. False promises were made to keep in touch, but both of us knew it wouldnt be that way! With just a simple 'Bye' and with the same infectious smile, we parted. Years later, I still think about that day and I still cannot believe it.
Its a day that I can never forget and is etched in my memory. It remains one of the best days of my life....
Monday, July 17, 2006
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Highs and Lows
There is Sun
And then there is Moon
There is God
And then there are human beings
There is BMW
And then there are other cars
There is cricket
And then there are other sports
There is US
And then there are other countries
There are mansions
And then there are houses
There is Pole Star
And then there are other stars
There is the Chairman
And then there are employees
There is Sachin
And then there are others
There is the Royal Highness
And then there are servants
And then there is Moon
There is God
And then there are human beings
There is BMW
And then there are other cars
There is cricket
And then there are other sports
There is US
And then there are other countries
There are mansions
And then there are houses
There is Pole Star
And then there are other stars
There is the Chairman
And then there are employees
There is Sachin
And then there are others
There is the Royal Highness
And then there are servants
Thursday, July 06, 2006
The Fourth of July
Ten times out of ten, I will get up at 10 a.m. on a holiday, but I got up at 6 a.m. All the sleep seemed to have gone out of me. I got up, freshened, and upon sudden inspiration, decided to go brisk walking. Something I had never done for years.
I went walking in the nearby country club which hosts Marlborough Golf Course. The walk was good. It kept my mind busy. I viewed hither and thither, appreciating the birds chirping and the lush golf greenery all around. Anything and everything to boost the spirits. I walked without thinking. If I found a trail, I went into it. I neither cared where it went nor was least interested to know. Some trails were scary. It was like being in the middle of a forest, with no signs of civilization nearby. Hard to imagine in India, but very common in US. Yet, I walked on and on, almost running.
If I found a deviation in the trail, a mud path, I went into it. Just to dare going on the "road less travelled". Sometimes I had to revert back as it led to a dead end, but sometimes it led to an even more interesting path with more shrubbery, thick trees, strange noises, and what would otherwise cause a chill of fear. But I felt nothing. And I went on and on and on. Walking fast somehow felt nice. It was like running away. The physical agony was somehow acting like a compensatory relief.
After an hour's brisk walk, I found a path which I recognised to lead back home. Sweating all over, I reached home after 1.5 hrs of a cleansing exercise. I felt good about myself. I had bath, had cereals, and, again, upon sudden inspiration decided to go out and be out the whole day, far from everyone and from any means of contact. I switched off my cell. But realisation dawned upon me that there might be someone who might need my help and it would be unfair to have the cell switched off. So, I turned it back on.
I left home with one of my best friends ever - a novel. Its something that has stood by me through more than ten years now, and has never caused any pain. Perhaps its because it doesnt talk and just listens and doesnt leave me. The one I was reading was one of the best: P.G. Wodehouse's Fish Preferred. Very hilarious. Just what the doctor ordered.
With no destination in mind, I set off in my battered car. Today is one day I am hoping against hope my car wouldnt break down. The last thing I wanted was to call someone to help me out when all I am trying to do is just be with myself.
One of the best pastimes in US is to go to a nearest mall and sit in one of the benches and watch the world go by. Its more like sitting as a bystander and watching your own life passing by. After all, every one was fighting some kind of a battle.
With the novel in hand, I realised, the best place to go would be a bookstore, where I can sit on one of those comfortable sofas, sip a nice coffee, and read the novel for hours without no one bothering me. Borders was the nearest bookstore.
Once comfortably settled in a cozy settee with nice leg rest, I started reading the novel. Hundreds of things tried to conquer my mind, but I wouldnt allow it. If I start writing about what had actually happened and what went on in my mind, it would be a separate blog, and if I wanted people to read it, I wouldnt be beating around the bush like this! Suffice it to say that I realised what I was and who I was. Rather, what I was not and who I was not. And since it is not a pretty tale to talk or think about, I read on and on and on.
Sometimes I would drowse off and let my eyes rest. And then I woke up again and continue reading. I lost track of time and place and I was moulded in my own world of P.G.Wodehouse's wonderful intricate happenings within Blandings Castle. I did not feel like stopping but it was noon time and tummy was rumbling.
There was a foodcourt nearby. But I had to go through a shopping plaza. I suddenly decided to shop, which is very rare as I hardly have any desire for shopping. On an impulse, I went to JCPenney. I searched for a T-Shirt for about half hour and finally saw one shirt beckoning me at a far corner. I walked towards it as I liked the colour and design of the shirt. Even before I came near the shirt, I had decided upon it. When I saw its catch line, I was amused. I bought the shirt.
I then went to Sears. And Filene's. And multitude of shops. I shopped and shopped. After buying some more domestic items, I headed to a Subway and had a nice contemplative lunch. I took my own time. I let the thoughts come drifing towards me but I felt nothing. I felt numb. In a way, I was tired of running, but I was not allowing myself to get under the burden. Home, although seemed a comfortable option, was not where I had decided to be all day, rain or sunshine.
It started raining.
I sat in the car and thought "What next?" I have no idea how long I sat. All I felt was the pitter patter of the rain on the car. Then, again on an impulse, I decided to go to Boston to see the night's fireworks. When one wants to be alone, its best to be in the middle of a crowd! Its as alone as one can get.
I headed towards Boston with blazing music on the car stereo. Again something that I hardly do. I had gone for about 10 mins when there was a road parade and all vehicles were being diverted. I went with the diversion hoping that there will be an indication later on to catch onto the same road. Alas, there were no indications whatsoever. Thats the sad part of US. Once you get lost, you really get lost with its complicated road designs.
However, today was the day that I didnt care. I practically challenged the Hand of Fate to roll the dice as worse as it could. I wished a hundred wrong things that should happen to me. Alas, the Hand of Fate never rolls the dice the way you want it to. The road wound over miles of miles of greenery and quaint little houses. I went with the flow and drove on and on.
The rain increased and I thought enough was enough and parked in a fuel store and asked where I was. The guy gave me perfect directions to a place which I knew. Barnes and Nobles in Framingham. Another book store. Perfect.
I parked the car, found another settee and happily nodded off. Perfect thing to do for one who has just lost his way. Completely. After finishing few more chapters of the novel, I again headed to Boston. This time, I was a master at self navigation. Breezily, I reached Alewife, which is like an entry point to Boston through subway trains.
Lots of people were on their way to see the fireworks and almost all the locations were getting filled up by the time the subway pulled up. I went and sat on a bench with the novel in hand. One can spend hours and hours by looking at different people doing different things at a public gathering. Its quite amusing. It was a great pastime. It sometimes is better to spend time with those who do not know you at all than with those who know the real you. I watched and watched.
It was a long wait for the fireworks. Almost 6 hrs. The duration in which one can travel 250 kms in India and 400 miles in US. I did not move more than 60 steps. I shifted the place when there was a brief downpour to a sheltered bench, then onto the asphalted road, where I slept for some time. Time and again, I would read the novel and have something to eat. I waited and waited.
I then got a call that a few of my friends were nearby and decided that I might as well join them. Thankfully, the view from their place was much better from where I was. Another hour's wait and it was time for the fireworks. At the outset, let me tell that it was not good, nor was it worth the 6 hr wait. But then, I did not regret it, as it was the crowd that I needed more than the fireworks. Most of the fireworks got shrouded with ensuing smoke and most of the display was missed. However, for the efforts' sake, people applauded at the end.
Back with the crowd to Alewife, and a nice concentrated drive back to home. I hit my bed and felt that it was a day well spent. Forrest Gump ran and ran. I walked and walked, read and read, drove and drove, waited and waited, watched and watched, but in the end, both of us were doing the same thing. We were just running away, as far away as once could and as much as one could and trying to divert the mind from what it wanted to badly think.
As I began to lose consciousness and drifted onto state of sleepfulness, I had just two thoughts in mind. One was the fact that, ironically, its the Independence Day. And, another was how apt the catch line on the T-shirt was.
"This is the worst day of my life."
I went walking in the nearby country club which hosts Marlborough Golf Course. The walk was good. It kept my mind busy. I viewed hither and thither, appreciating the birds chirping and the lush golf greenery all around. Anything and everything to boost the spirits. I walked without thinking. If I found a trail, I went into it. I neither cared where it went nor was least interested to know. Some trails were scary. It was like being in the middle of a forest, with no signs of civilization nearby. Hard to imagine in India, but very common in US. Yet, I walked on and on, almost running.
If I found a deviation in the trail, a mud path, I went into it. Just to dare going on the "road less travelled". Sometimes I had to revert back as it led to a dead end, but sometimes it led to an even more interesting path with more shrubbery, thick trees, strange noises, and what would otherwise cause a chill of fear. But I felt nothing. And I went on and on and on. Walking fast somehow felt nice. It was like running away. The physical agony was somehow acting like a compensatory relief.
After an hour's brisk walk, I found a path which I recognised to lead back home. Sweating all over, I reached home after 1.5 hrs of a cleansing exercise. I felt good about myself. I had bath, had cereals, and, again, upon sudden inspiration decided to go out and be out the whole day, far from everyone and from any means of contact. I switched off my cell. But realisation dawned upon me that there might be someone who might need my help and it would be unfair to have the cell switched off. So, I turned it back on.
I left home with one of my best friends ever - a novel. Its something that has stood by me through more than ten years now, and has never caused any pain. Perhaps its because it doesnt talk and just listens and doesnt leave me. The one I was reading was one of the best: P.G. Wodehouse's Fish Preferred. Very hilarious. Just what the doctor ordered.
With no destination in mind, I set off in my battered car. Today is one day I am hoping against hope my car wouldnt break down. The last thing I wanted was to call someone to help me out when all I am trying to do is just be with myself.
One of the best pastimes in US is to go to a nearest mall and sit in one of the benches and watch the world go by. Its more like sitting as a bystander and watching your own life passing by. After all, every one was fighting some kind of a battle.
With the novel in hand, I realised, the best place to go would be a bookstore, where I can sit on one of those comfortable sofas, sip a nice coffee, and read the novel for hours without no one bothering me. Borders was the nearest bookstore.
Once comfortably settled in a cozy settee with nice leg rest, I started reading the novel. Hundreds of things tried to conquer my mind, but I wouldnt allow it. If I start writing about what had actually happened and what went on in my mind, it would be a separate blog, and if I wanted people to read it, I wouldnt be beating around the bush like this! Suffice it to say that I realised what I was and who I was. Rather, what I was not and who I was not. And since it is not a pretty tale to talk or think about, I read on and on and on.
Sometimes I would drowse off and let my eyes rest. And then I woke up again and continue reading. I lost track of time and place and I was moulded in my own world of P.G.Wodehouse's wonderful intricate happenings within Blandings Castle. I did not feel like stopping but it was noon time and tummy was rumbling.
There was a foodcourt nearby. But I had to go through a shopping plaza. I suddenly decided to shop, which is very rare as I hardly have any desire for shopping. On an impulse, I went to JCPenney. I searched for a T-Shirt for about half hour and finally saw one shirt beckoning me at a far corner. I walked towards it as I liked the colour and design of the shirt. Even before I came near the shirt, I had decided upon it. When I saw its catch line, I was amused. I bought the shirt.
I then went to Sears. And Filene's. And multitude of shops. I shopped and shopped. After buying some more domestic items, I headed to a Subway and had a nice contemplative lunch. I took my own time. I let the thoughts come drifing towards me but I felt nothing. I felt numb. In a way, I was tired of running, but I was not allowing myself to get under the burden. Home, although seemed a comfortable option, was not where I had decided to be all day, rain or sunshine.
It started raining.
I sat in the car and thought "What next?" I have no idea how long I sat. All I felt was the pitter patter of the rain on the car. Then, again on an impulse, I decided to go to Boston to see the night's fireworks. When one wants to be alone, its best to be in the middle of a crowd! Its as alone as one can get.
I headed towards Boston with blazing music on the car stereo. Again something that I hardly do. I had gone for about 10 mins when there was a road parade and all vehicles were being diverted. I went with the diversion hoping that there will be an indication later on to catch onto the same road. Alas, there were no indications whatsoever. Thats the sad part of US. Once you get lost, you really get lost with its complicated road designs.
However, today was the day that I didnt care. I practically challenged the Hand of Fate to roll the dice as worse as it could. I wished a hundred wrong things that should happen to me. Alas, the Hand of Fate never rolls the dice the way you want it to. The road wound over miles of miles of greenery and quaint little houses. I went with the flow and drove on and on.
The rain increased and I thought enough was enough and parked in a fuel store and asked where I was. The guy gave me perfect directions to a place which I knew. Barnes and Nobles in Framingham. Another book store. Perfect.
I parked the car, found another settee and happily nodded off. Perfect thing to do for one who has just lost his way. Completely. After finishing few more chapters of the novel, I again headed to Boston. This time, I was a master at self navigation. Breezily, I reached Alewife, which is like an entry point to Boston through subway trains.
Lots of people were on their way to see the fireworks and almost all the locations were getting filled up by the time the subway pulled up. I went and sat on a bench with the novel in hand. One can spend hours and hours by looking at different people doing different things at a public gathering. Its quite amusing. It was a great pastime. It sometimes is better to spend time with those who do not know you at all than with those who know the real you. I watched and watched.
It was a long wait for the fireworks. Almost 6 hrs. The duration in which one can travel 250 kms in India and 400 miles in US. I did not move more than 60 steps. I shifted the place when there was a brief downpour to a sheltered bench, then onto the asphalted road, where I slept for some time. Time and again, I would read the novel and have something to eat. I waited and waited.
I then got a call that a few of my friends were nearby and decided that I might as well join them. Thankfully, the view from their place was much better from where I was. Another hour's wait and it was time for the fireworks. At the outset, let me tell that it was not good, nor was it worth the 6 hr wait. But then, I did not regret it, as it was the crowd that I needed more than the fireworks. Most of the fireworks got shrouded with ensuing smoke and most of the display was missed. However, for the efforts' sake, people applauded at the end.
Back with the crowd to Alewife, and a nice concentrated drive back to home. I hit my bed and felt that it was a day well spent. Forrest Gump ran and ran. I walked and walked, read and read, drove and drove, waited and waited, watched and watched, but in the end, both of us were doing the same thing. We were just running away, as far away as once could and as much as one could and trying to divert the mind from what it wanted to badly think.
As I began to lose consciousness and drifted onto state of sleepfulness, I had just two thoughts in mind. One was the fact that, ironically, its the Independence Day. And, another was how apt the catch line on the T-shirt was.
"This is the worst day of my life."
Roll of Dice
Snake and Ladder. One of my favourite games during childhood. It consists of a square board with numbers from 1 to 100, with 10 in each row. Lots of snakes and ladders in between the numbers. Some small and some significant.
Each player is given a pawn, so to speak, and based upon the roll of dice, the player can move his pawn correspondingly to the number on the dice. If he encounters a ladder on the resultant number on the board, he jumps to the number to which the ladder leads to. Similarly, if he encounters a snake on the resultant number on the board, he gets sucked down to the number where the snake's tail, so to speak, resides. With a number of snakes and ladders, it remains, to this day, one of the most fascinating games I have ever played.
There was one ladder, I think at number 12, which will take you to number 81! And there was one snake, I think at number 89, which will take you to number 13! These were the main attractions of the board game, as it stoud out tall amongst other minor ones. Once in a while I got the Number 12 ladder and once in a while I got the Number 89 snake, and it was fun to start all over again, and hoping competitors also get sucked by the huge snake!
Almost 20 years later, I feel I am playing this same game again. Except that it is no longer a board game. It is real life, with the Hand of Fate rolling the dice. I have been sucked in by the Number 89 snake more times than I care to count. Number 12 ladder seems to have vanished completely. Although there are promotions through some easy ladders, the setbacks are huge. And I realised how tough it is to start all over again....and how impossible it is to reach 100.
It is but truth that I find no fun to play this game any more...
Each player is given a pawn, so to speak, and based upon the roll of dice, the player can move his pawn correspondingly to the number on the dice. If he encounters a ladder on the resultant number on the board, he jumps to the number to which the ladder leads to. Similarly, if he encounters a snake on the resultant number on the board, he gets sucked down to the number where the snake's tail, so to speak, resides. With a number of snakes and ladders, it remains, to this day, one of the most fascinating games I have ever played.
There was one ladder, I think at number 12, which will take you to number 81! And there was one snake, I think at number 89, which will take you to number 13! These were the main attractions of the board game, as it stoud out tall amongst other minor ones. Once in a while I got the Number 12 ladder and once in a while I got the Number 89 snake, and it was fun to start all over again, and hoping competitors also get sucked by the huge snake!
Almost 20 years later, I feel I am playing this same game again. Except that it is no longer a board game. It is real life, with the Hand of Fate rolling the dice. I have been sucked in by the Number 89 snake more times than I care to count. Number 12 ladder seems to have vanished completely. Although there are promotions through some easy ladders, the setbacks are huge. And I realised how tough it is to start all over again....and how impossible it is to reach 100.
It is but truth that I find no fun to play this game any more...
Monday, July 03, 2006
Samayaniki Dagu Mata Ladane
One's speech portrays one's character. It is in one's manner of communication that one can either win hearts or create hatred. By a simple and pure hearted conversation, it is so easy to gain the comfort and homeliness of the other party instead of asking rhetoric spiteful questions.
What kind of sadistic pleasure can anyone achieve by speaking spitefully and with ill intent? Is it not human decency to be pleasant to one and all, and to relate to other human beings' feelings and thoughts? What happiness can one derive by putting down others?
Knowing what to speak, when to speak and how to speak will go a long way in leading a better Life. A conversation, in which both the parties feel honoured to speak, automatically opens out heretofore never ventured avenues and strengthens the bond.
If it is not possible to be nice and pleasant, then the least one should do is just keep quiet. Silence speaks a lot more than one's actions.
What kind of sadistic pleasure can anyone achieve by speaking spitefully and with ill intent? Is it not human decency to be pleasant to one and all, and to relate to other human beings' feelings and thoughts? What happiness can one derive by putting down others?
Knowing what to speak, when to speak and how to speak will go a long way in leading a better Life. A conversation, in which both the parties feel honoured to speak, automatically opens out heretofore never ventured avenues and strengthens the bond.
If it is not possible to be nice and pleasant, then the least one should do is just keep quiet. Silence speaks a lot more than one's actions.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Cidade de Deus
There is something about religious places that leaves a lasting impression of eternal calmness and a soothing warmth that makes you return to have the balm applied all over again! Blame it on the hustle-bustle of the metros where we reside, perhaps, which heightens the effect of this old-world places, but, yet, one cannot take away the charm from the Abode of the Deities. Perhaps, it is due to these places being the Abode of the Deities that they have such an aura of being blissfully shielded from all that keeps gnawing at us in our day to day life.
I have been to a number of religious places, and month long pilgrimages at an age when my peers were going to exotic places! Not that I am ashamed about it, nor the fact that I avoid exotic places. Suffice it to say that, there has been a nice balance in my visits to the various places on Earth! But, giving company to my grannie at an early age, who happened to think that she had to give attendance atleast once in a month to any of the House of Lords, sort of rubbed on me, and while I try to do justice, its not possible for me to be as regular as once-in-a-month!
Manthralayam, Tirumala, Kukke Subramanya, Dharmasthala, Udupi, Srisailam, Malakheda, Venisompura, Kollur, Gokarna, Sonda, Sringeri, Murudeshwara, Tirukkoilur, Rameshwara, Madurai, Sriranga, Vriddhachalam, Guruvayoor, Navabrindavana, Trichy, Palani, Kanyakumari, Hornadu, Mulbagal, Sahasralinga are some of the memorable places I have been to in South India. Haridwar, Rishikesh, Yamunothri, Gangothri, Kedarnath, Badrinath are the main places that I have been to in North India, but then again, the route to these "chaar dhaams" itself goes through so many historic places. Invariably, each place has its own 'Kshethra Mahime', with its own set of legendary stories, purported with so many proofs that are hard to disbelieve. India, rich in its culture and spirituality, has more to offer and more to discover than one wishes to imagine.
Be that as it may, one cannot deny the fact that a visit to such places as above will leave an everlasting impression. One wishes to crave for more and discover more about the Lord than the worldly pleasures. Automatically, one gets attracted to Him and sort of achieves, with His help, an eternal calm.
The vision of standing before the Moola Brindavan in Mantralayam of Raghavendra Swamy, the 21 baths in Rameshwaram at 5 o clock which strangely does not feel as if its cold at all, the enormous temple at Sriranga, the staring at kiddo Lord Krishna through the 9 small squares in Udupi, the Atmalinga at Gokarna, the dazzling Lord Venkateshwara, whom we can just glimpse after hours of waiting in the rushing queue, the peacefulness of Vadiraja Swamy amidst thick forest in Sonde where its a ritual to do 108 pradikshanas with 2 saashtanga namaskaars in each pradikshana, the legend behind Kukke Subramanya and Dharmasthala, the hot water spring in each of the 'chaar dhaams', the 14 km stretch to Kedarnath and 7 km steep stretch to Yamunothri, each one way, the wonderful theertha and scenic view at Hornadu, the strictness at Guruvayoor, the blissful calm at Tirukkoilur - all these have somehow an effect on the mind, wherein one feels an interaction with Him...and one no longer wants to go back to the world!
After all, when God be there with us, what matters who is against us...
I have been to a number of religious places, and month long pilgrimages at an age when my peers were going to exotic places! Not that I am ashamed about it, nor the fact that I avoid exotic places. Suffice it to say that, there has been a nice balance in my visits to the various places on Earth! But, giving company to my grannie at an early age, who happened to think that she had to give attendance atleast once in a month to any of the House of Lords, sort of rubbed on me, and while I try to do justice, its not possible for me to be as regular as once-in-a-month!
Manthralayam, Tirumala, Kukke Subramanya, Dharmasthala, Udupi, Srisailam, Malakheda, Venisompura, Kollur, Gokarna, Sonda, Sringeri, Murudeshwara, Tirukkoilur, Rameshwara, Madurai, Sriranga, Vriddhachalam, Guruvayoor, Navabrindavana, Trichy, Palani, Kanyakumari, Hornadu, Mulbagal, Sahasralinga are some of the memorable places I have been to in South India. Haridwar, Rishikesh, Yamunothri, Gangothri, Kedarnath, Badrinath are the main places that I have been to in North India, but then again, the route to these "chaar dhaams" itself goes through so many historic places. Invariably, each place has its own 'Kshethra Mahime', with its own set of legendary stories, purported with so many proofs that are hard to disbelieve. India, rich in its culture and spirituality, has more to offer and more to discover than one wishes to imagine.
Be that as it may, one cannot deny the fact that a visit to such places as above will leave an everlasting impression. One wishes to crave for more and discover more about the Lord than the worldly pleasures. Automatically, one gets attracted to Him and sort of achieves, with His help, an eternal calm.
The vision of standing before the Moola Brindavan in Mantralayam of Raghavendra Swamy, the 21 baths in Rameshwaram at 5 o clock which strangely does not feel as if its cold at all, the enormous temple at Sriranga, the staring at kiddo Lord Krishna through the 9 small squares in Udupi, the Atmalinga at Gokarna, the dazzling Lord Venkateshwara, whom we can just glimpse after hours of waiting in the rushing queue, the peacefulness of Vadiraja Swamy amidst thick forest in Sonde where its a ritual to do 108 pradikshanas with 2 saashtanga namaskaars in each pradikshana, the legend behind Kukke Subramanya and Dharmasthala, the hot water spring in each of the 'chaar dhaams', the 14 km stretch to Kedarnath and 7 km steep stretch to Yamunothri, each one way, the wonderful theertha and scenic view at Hornadu, the strictness at Guruvayoor, the blissful calm at Tirukkoilur - all these have somehow an effect on the mind, wherein one feels an interaction with Him...and one no longer wants to go back to the world!
After all, when God be there with us, what matters who is against us...
Saturday, July 01, 2006
He Giveth and He Taketh away
We lose it all...
We all lose it all...
The best times shared...
The fun times together...
The laughs galore...
The tears of sorrow...
The growing up...
The cuddling and sleeping...
The small life of our own...
The routine pattern...
The embrace of happiness...
The shoulder for the heavy heart...
The need for one another...
The fightings and shoutings...
The Adoration...
The Blissfulness...
We lose it all...
We all lose it all...
We all lose it all...
The best times shared...
The fun times together...
The laughs galore...
The tears of sorrow...
The growing up...
The cuddling and sleeping...
The small life of our own...
The routine pattern...
The embrace of happiness...
The shoulder for the heavy heart...
The need for one another...
The fightings and shoutings...
The Adoration...
The Blissfulness...
We lose it all...
We all lose it all...
What an Honour!
Wimbledon 2006. Andre Agassi lost to Rafael Nadal in the third round. Agassi's last Wimbledon. He shakes referee's hands and starts packing his tennis kit. An official from Wimbledon approaches the players and asks for permission. The players consent. There will be a short interview amidst the crowd before Agassi leaves the court for good. An interview is never scheduled unless its a Final. But this is an exception. For Agassi.
Agassi has lost the match, but there is a standing ovation for him. It doesnt really feel as if he has lost. The interviewer cannot even start as the applause never ends. Agassi then does his customary four bows and kisses to the four sides of the Center Court. The commentator says - that is the only way he can silence the crowd; that is what they came here for!
What an Honour!
There are ordinary people like everyone else who rise to such heights in Life because of their extraordinary perseverance that it truly makes them immortal. To have garnered so much respect and honour, it is a pride to live and have the feeling of 'I have lived my Life's worth!'
Sachin Tendulkar, Don Bradman, Maradona, Pele, Boris Becker, Steffi Graf - the list is endless. It is almost like a sin to speak less of them or ridicule them. They have attained the echelons of Life where they are treated almost God-like, and their names will remain etched in the memories of those who have seen them play and will be a common folklore for the future generations who would have missed the Legends-in-Action!
To have thousands of people chanting your name, to have multitude of people loving you, to stand in the arena in the middle of tens of thousands of people, to entertain them with your talent, to earn the respect of millions of people all over the world and be called 'Immortal', it is but a fairy tale life that only a few can have.
And it is for those who have had such fairy tale lives, that, with a deep sense of pride and honour for what you are and what you have accomplished, I salute and bow down to thee.....
Agassi has lost the match, but there is a standing ovation for him. It doesnt really feel as if he has lost. The interviewer cannot even start as the applause never ends. Agassi then does his customary four bows and kisses to the four sides of the Center Court. The commentator says - that is the only way he can silence the crowd; that is what they came here for!
What an Honour!
There are ordinary people like everyone else who rise to such heights in Life because of their extraordinary perseverance that it truly makes them immortal. To have garnered so much respect and honour, it is a pride to live and have the feeling of 'I have lived my Life's worth!'
Sachin Tendulkar, Don Bradman, Maradona, Pele, Boris Becker, Steffi Graf - the list is endless. It is almost like a sin to speak less of them or ridicule them. They have attained the echelons of Life where they are treated almost God-like, and their names will remain etched in the memories of those who have seen them play and will be a common folklore for the future generations who would have missed the Legends-in-Action!
To have thousands of people chanting your name, to have multitude of people loving you, to stand in the arena in the middle of tens of thousands of people, to entertain them with your talent, to earn the respect of millions of people all over the world and be called 'Immortal', it is but a fairy tale life that only a few can have.
And it is for those who have had such fairy tale lives, that, with a deep sense of pride and honour for what you are and what you have accomplished, I salute and bow down to thee.....
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
The Turning Point
A single incident is sufficient for changing the nature of a relationship.
All it needs is one action. The action might not be significantly big but even a small sensitive issue is enough to blow the granite off between the pathway of 2 individuals. It might not even be an action, or an issue. Even the choice of one's set of words employed to convey something, or the general behaviour is good enough to turn the tide.
The incident might be of whatsoever nature and of no importance to all concerned, but it is sufficient to bring about a change in the perception of the recipient. And it is this change in the perception that will then on lead to a change in general overall behavior, perhaps to ignorance, and even upto separation.
Often, the reason for the change of attitude might never be specified. Probably because of the low magnitude of the actual event, albeit its significance. Nevertheless, there will be a change. Like an invisible wall being built between the two. This wall will gradually grow thicker and then there will come a time when the two can no longer be connected in whatsoever fashion.
Occasionally, this will happen even due to communication gap or misunderstanding. An action will be interpreted in a totally different manner and building one theory upon another, the mind being good in always accumulating ill thoughts than nice, pleasant ones, it takes a long time to explain the real rationale and the True Intent. The best way to prevent this, however, will be to break that wall as early as possible and come to terms. But, letting the construction of the wall go on without interrupting will only lead to The Ultimate Separation.
However, more often than not, it shall be perceived right and the sunset commences. It is not that one should be beware of such situations, but the fact remains that a single action is sufficient to shut the relationship off like a switch.
It has happened to me too. I cannot continue to be the same way I am to someone close to me if I perceive something that is done by that someone which is against The Basic Principles and something that really puts me off. I have been at the receiving end as well when people have just turned their backs to me and walked off due to some actions of mine.
It is heartening. As they say, 'Once the damage is done, it stays forever' and 'Crossing the Point of No Return.' Sad, but true.
For those of you who sense a change in me towards you, you now know why!
And for those of you who walked out on me, please do forgive and forget....
All it needs is one action. The action might not be significantly big but even a small sensitive issue is enough to blow the granite off between the pathway of 2 individuals. It might not even be an action, or an issue. Even the choice of one's set of words employed to convey something, or the general behaviour is good enough to turn the tide.
The incident might be of whatsoever nature and of no importance to all concerned, but it is sufficient to bring about a change in the perception of the recipient. And it is this change in the perception that will then on lead to a change in general overall behavior, perhaps to ignorance, and even upto separation.
Often, the reason for the change of attitude might never be specified. Probably because of the low magnitude of the actual event, albeit its significance. Nevertheless, there will be a change. Like an invisible wall being built between the two. This wall will gradually grow thicker and then there will come a time when the two can no longer be connected in whatsoever fashion.
Occasionally, this will happen even due to communication gap or misunderstanding. An action will be interpreted in a totally different manner and building one theory upon another, the mind being good in always accumulating ill thoughts than nice, pleasant ones, it takes a long time to explain the real rationale and the True Intent. The best way to prevent this, however, will be to break that wall as early as possible and come to terms. But, letting the construction of the wall go on without interrupting will only lead to The Ultimate Separation.
However, more often than not, it shall be perceived right and the sunset commences. It is not that one should be beware of such situations, but the fact remains that a single action is sufficient to shut the relationship off like a switch.
It has happened to me too. I cannot continue to be the same way I am to someone close to me if I perceive something that is done by that someone which is against The Basic Principles and something that really puts me off. I have been at the receiving end as well when people have just turned their backs to me and walked off due to some actions of mine.
It is heartening. As they say, 'Once the damage is done, it stays forever' and 'Crossing the Point of No Return.' Sad, but true.
For those of you who sense a change in me towards you, you now know why!
And for those of you who walked out on me, please do forgive and forget....
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Another day in paradise
The sky was blue. The air was crisp. The bees droned happily. The birds chirped merrily. The dew drops on the grass was fresh. It was like the world just had a fresh bath!
I felt great! As if someone had come and put all my worries and thoughts into a gunnybag and kicked it out of my mind and soul. I felt light and easy. The weight of the burden on my shoulder seemed to have been magically lifted.
I felt like a kid again. I went dancing along the road with a sprightly gaiety mouthing a ta di da di da! There was an infectious smile on my lips. Things looked beautiful all around. It was as if nothing wrong can ever happen in this nice and wonderful world!
Its true about one's apparel building up one's attitude. The dress, the clean-shaven face, the combed hair, the after shave - all added to the Goodness of the Ambience. I met a few people whom I knew and exchanged bonhomie and mutual praises! It always feels good to talk to people who respect and honour the relationship and the individual.
The mood was upbeat, the innocence was childish, the feel-good factor was high, the energy within was rejuvenating, the radiance was glowing, the feeling was one that of liberation!
It does feel good to free one's thoughts and worries once in a while and live the life of a kid to enjoy another day in paradise...
I felt great! As if someone had come and put all my worries and thoughts into a gunnybag and kicked it out of my mind and soul. I felt light and easy. The weight of the burden on my shoulder seemed to have been magically lifted.
I felt like a kid again. I went dancing along the road with a sprightly gaiety mouthing a ta di da di da! There was an infectious smile on my lips. Things looked beautiful all around. It was as if nothing wrong can ever happen in this nice and wonderful world!
Its true about one's apparel building up one's attitude. The dress, the clean-shaven face, the combed hair, the after shave - all added to the Goodness of the Ambience. I met a few people whom I knew and exchanged bonhomie and mutual praises! It always feels good to talk to people who respect and honour the relationship and the individual.
The mood was upbeat, the innocence was childish, the feel-good factor was high, the energy within was rejuvenating, the radiance was glowing, the feeling was one that of liberation!
It does feel good to free one's thoughts and worries once in a while and live the life of a kid to enjoy another day in paradise...
Saturday, June 24, 2006
How are you?
How does one answer to the simple question of 'How are you?' Should one fake it and say 'Good' and follow it up with a polite 'How about you?' even though the last thing that one wants to know is how the other person is doing?
There is no simple answer to this simple question. How am I what? How am I doing health-wise? How am I doing professionally? How is Life treating me? How am I feeling right now? Essentially, 'How are you?' is an incomplete question.
Perhaps, the question deserves a response for a thought which is on top of the head or for filling up an information gap. Like if I was met with an accident or had fallen ill and I go to office after a week, the 'How are you?'s are to be received with 'Much better, thank you. Still a long way to go to be up and about.' Adds a dose of self-pity and a reminder to others to be polite and understanding! Been working late for days together, and not working smart? The 'How are you?'s are to be received with 'Hanging in there' or 'Just breathing.' Again, adds a dose of self-pity and shows how much of hard work is being put in!
And for people wanting to be truly honest, and thinking the person who asked the question really wanted to know, they can start off with their feelings on almost all topics that is currently concering them! For most other situations, a rhetoric and meaningless 'Good' will do good enough.
The relationship shared between the requestor and requestee also matters in the response. If its just an acquaint, it would involve a short 5-second exchange. If perhaps, its more of a What-the-hell-happened-to Ganguly? relationship, you might as well dwell in a bit about what a dog's life it is. Climbing up the ladder of relationships, if its friendship, a 'How are you?' will be met with words of truth to which one can relate to easily. If its more of a spousal relationship, such a question might just about break the dam and make the tears flow, or equivalently but less likely, might start a hand-in-hand sprightly dance!
Perhaps it is a shortened version for the question 'If you were to rate between 1 and 10 as to your current status of Life, 1 being best and 10 being worst, what would you rate it today?' And perhaps, people with a habit of colouring their days with the appropriate shades, they might choose black as a very bad day and blue being a cheerful one! So then, a typical conversation will be like :
'How are you?'
'Hmm, 6. And you?'
'Pink'
'Oh ok. Good!'
Neither of them will know what they are talking about, but atleast it stops your lie clock from ticking each time you utter a false 'Good'!
There are a 100 things that will be going on in the head and when someone asks how am I, what should I give preference to and what should I partialise against? What should I lie and what should I hide? That in itself will become the 101st thing to think about!!
How am I?
Fan-bloody-tastic.
There is no simple answer to this simple question. How am I what? How am I doing health-wise? How am I doing professionally? How is Life treating me? How am I feeling right now? Essentially, 'How are you?' is an incomplete question.
Perhaps, the question deserves a response for a thought which is on top of the head or for filling up an information gap. Like if I was met with an accident or had fallen ill and I go to office after a week, the 'How are you?'s are to be received with 'Much better, thank you. Still a long way to go to be up and about.' Adds a dose of self-pity and a reminder to others to be polite and understanding! Been working late for days together, and not working smart? The 'How are you?'s are to be received with 'Hanging in there' or 'Just breathing.' Again, adds a dose of self-pity and shows how much of hard work is being put in!
And for people wanting to be truly honest, and thinking the person who asked the question really wanted to know, they can start off with their feelings on almost all topics that is currently concering them! For most other situations, a rhetoric and meaningless 'Good' will do good enough.
The relationship shared between the requestor and requestee also matters in the response. If its just an acquaint, it would involve a short 5-second exchange. If perhaps, its more of a What-the-hell-happened-to Ganguly? relationship, you might as well dwell in a bit about what a dog's life it is. Climbing up the ladder of relationships, if its friendship, a 'How are you?' will be met with words of truth to which one can relate to easily. If its more of a spousal relationship, such a question might just about break the dam and make the tears flow, or equivalently but less likely, might start a hand-in-hand sprightly dance!
Perhaps it is a shortened version for the question 'If you were to rate between 1 and 10 as to your current status of Life, 1 being best and 10 being worst, what would you rate it today?' And perhaps, people with a habit of colouring their days with the appropriate shades, they might choose black as a very bad day and blue being a cheerful one! So then, a typical conversation will be like :
'How are you?'
'Hmm, 6. And you?'
'Pink'
'Oh ok. Good!'
Neither of them will know what they are talking about, but atleast it stops your lie clock from ticking each time you utter a false 'Good'!
There are a 100 things that will be going on in the head and when someone asks how am I, what should I give preference to and what should I partialise against? What should I lie and what should I hide? That in itself will become the 101st thing to think about!!
How am I?
Fan-bloody-tastic.
Monday, June 19, 2006
The Second Defeat
How does it feel to lose a second time in life?
How does it feel to lose a second time in life in exactly the same manner?
How does it feel to lose the second eye as well?
How does it feel to get the second leg amputated as well?
How does it feel to become a widow a second time?
How does it feel to lose the second son in the exact same manner as how the first son was lost?
How does it feel to lose the father an year after losing the mother?
How does it feel to lose the grandmom after losing the granddad?
How does it feel to lose in a World Cup Final the second time?
How does it feel to experience the dejavu of the First Defeat and yet helplessly do nothing about it?
How does it feel to lose again?
How does it feel to die again?
How does it feel to lose a second time in life in exactly the same manner?
How does it feel to lose the second eye as well?
How does it feel to get the second leg amputated as well?
How does it feel to become a widow a second time?
How does it feel to lose the second son in the exact same manner as how the first son was lost?
How does it feel to lose the father an year after losing the mother?
How does it feel to lose the grandmom after losing the granddad?
How does it feel to lose in a World Cup Final the second time?
How does it feel to experience the dejavu of the First Defeat and yet helplessly do nothing about it?
How does it feel to lose again?
How does it feel to die again?
Passion about Cricket
Cricket has been a passion to me since childhood. It was the era when Sachin was rising in glory and every match of his - or perhaps I should say - every innings of his was watched with abated breath. An uncanny expectation from him to score a century each time he went to crease and save the team from the ignominy of a Defeat became an expectation which was almost always fulfilled!
There were times when India lost by a whisker and the rest of the day would go in mourning. There were times when we swore for mistakes committed on the field. There were times when we jumped up and down when the opposition's wicket was taken. Cricket, in short, was a game which replaced food, hunger and sleep.
However, much of this passion was lost once I came to US. Perhaps it was because we never used to watch the game live. Perhaps it was because of the inappropriate time zones. It was during general friendly chat sessions that I was aware of cricket matches involving India and respective scores. I, for one, thought, gone was the passion...
And then came the Fidelity-Infy Cricket Championship Cup for Infoscions in US working for Fidelity client. It was a memorable day! Especially because the team representing our group won and more so due to the fact that I re-discovered my passion after a very long time! The passion of shouting, cheering, swearing, kicking, advising - all of which comes only when there is a high level of competitiveness on a sports ground.
It felt nice to be passionate again!
PS: Here is the link for some of the snaps...
There were times when India lost by a whisker and the rest of the day would go in mourning. There were times when we swore for mistakes committed on the field. There were times when we jumped up and down when the opposition's wicket was taken. Cricket, in short, was a game which replaced food, hunger and sleep.
However, much of this passion was lost once I came to US. Perhaps it was because we never used to watch the game live. Perhaps it was because of the inappropriate time zones. It was during general friendly chat sessions that I was aware of cricket matches involving India and respective scores. I, for one, thought, gone was the passion...
And then came the Fidelity-Infy Cricket Championship Cup for Infoscions in US working for Fidelity client. It was a memorable day! Especially because the team representing our group won and more so due to the fact that I re-discovered my passion after a very long time! The passion of shouting, cheering, swearing, kicking, advising - all of which comes only when there is a high level of competitiveness on a sports ground.
It felt nice to be passionate again!
PS: Here is the link for some of the snaps...
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Damned if I do and Damned if I dont
I stood before Him with clasped hands and bowed with respect, and started pouring out all my troubles and worries mentally. It was with a heavy heart that I had come to the Temple and I was hoping that He will help me out of all my thoughts. There were so many things going wrong and it was as if Destiny had its arms tightly clasped around me, and I was gasping for breath. The feeling I had was one that of falling down in a bottomless well and waiting nervously for that sudden thud of jarring bones.
In the middle of my outpourings of professional and personal issues causing heaviness of the heart, I stopped short. There was once a mail forward which I had read about being one of the best speeches given. It starts off with the orator beginning with "1+1=2. 2+2=4. 3+3=9." While the audience was silent for the first 2 equations, the last equation brought about a murmur of discussion. This, the orator then tells, is habitual of men. In a world of things being right and wrong, there is always more emphasis on the negative aspects of life, and strangely it stands out tall more than the nice and pleasant ones. Even the newspapers having headlines of train accidents, bomb blasts, kidnappings, etc. are a proof of this.
There were innumerable things which had worked out marvellously in my Life, and here I am complaining to God about a dozen things which were not going right and which was making me sad. I apologised, and started thanking God for all the great things I had had because of Him instead of complaining about things which were not going right.
Once I was done thanking, which was understandably quick (!), the mind popped off again to the heaviness of the heart. After all, if I dont tell my problems to God, to whom shall I pour forth? "When God be there with you, it does not matter who is against." Moreover, my mom keeps saying "Sankata bandaga Venkataramana". Its as if God likes to be like a Godfather wherein people come and tell their problems so that he can solve them. It sort of makes Him feel important and powerful! For, if people did not have problems, then who would come to Him!!
Retrospecting, is there really a source of help from Him or is it just a maya and a source of Black Hole for mere mortals like us to pour our problems hoping something good will come out of it? One never knows. But its always good to know that there is one Silent person to hear us out!!
And hence, I laid all my troubles on a platter to Him and asked him how He would solve this, if He indeed could. Take, for example, winning a tennis game. I am playing my best and yet I am losing. I ask Him to help me win. God replies back saying the other person also has prayed and requested for help. Now what should God do? Should He consider the first-in-first-out policy and help the first person who requested for help?!! Or should He scan the background of each of the requestors and check the amount of karmas and help the one with least negatives?!!
Poor God, why to blame Him. He is in a deadlock situation too! Both ask for His help, but He can make only one of them win, and He has to let down the other. Its God's position of Damned if I do and Damned if I dont.
Either way, one has to lose. As Socrates said, "Better you be suffered than others". With this thought in mind of pitying God's position, and mouthing "Paapa Devaru. After all what can He do", I could picturise God coming to me and shrugging with open hands and saying "Sorry dude. Cant help you there." I felt like patting God on His shoulders and saying "Its ok. No problemo" and walking away, leaving God, looking at me departing from Temple, feeling for the first time as powerless!!
If only it was just a game of tennis...
In the middle of my outpourings of professional and personal issues causing heaviness of the heart, I stopped short. There was once a mail forward which I had read about being one of the best speeches given. It starts off with the orator beginning with "1+1=2. 2+2=4. 3+3=9." While the audience was silent for the first 2 equations, the last equation brought about a murmur of discussion. This, the orator then tells, is habitual of men. In a world of things being right and wrong, there is always more emphasis on the negative aspects of life, and strangely it stands out tall more than the nice and pleasant ones. Even the newspapers having headlines of train accidents, bomb blasts, kidnappings, etc. are a proof of this.
There were innumerable things which had worked out marvellously in my Life, and here I am complaining to God about a dozen things which were not going right and which was making me sad. I apologised, and started thanking God for all the great things I had had because of Him instead of complaining about things which were not going right.
Once I was done thanking, which was understandably quick (!), the mind popped off again to the heaviness of the heart. After all, if I dont tell my problems to God, to whom shall I pour forth? "When God be there with you, it does not matter who is against." Moreover, my mom keeps saying "Sankata bandaga Venkataramana". Its as if God likes to be like a Godfather wherein people come and tell their problems so that he can solve them. It sort of makes Him feel important and powerful! For, if people did not have problems, then who would come to Him!!
Retrospecting, is there really a source of help from Him or is it just a maya and a source of Black Hole for mere mortals like us to pour our problems hoping something good will come out of it? One never knows. But its always good to know that there is one Silent person to hear us out!!
And hence, I laid all my troubles on a platter to Him and asked him how He would solve this, if He indeed could. Take, for example, winning a tennis game. I am playing my best and yet I am losing. I ask Him to help me win. God replies back saying the other person also has prayed and requested for help. Now what should God do? Should He consider the first-in-first-out policy and help the first person who requested for help?!! Or should He scan the background of each of the requestors and check the amount of karmas and help the one with least negatives?!!
Poor God, why to blame Him. He is in a deadlock situation too! Both ask for His help, but He can make only one of them win, and He has to let down the other. Its God's position of Damned if I do and Damned if I dont.
Either way, one has to lose. As Socrates said, "Better you be suffered than others". With this thought in mind of pitying God's position, and mouthing "Paapa Devaru. After all what can He do", I could picturise God coming to me and shrugging with open hands and saying "Sorry dude. Cant help you there." I felt like patting God on His shoulders and saying "Its ok. No problemo" and walking away, leaving God, looking at me departing from Temple, feeling for the first time as powerless!!
If only it was just a game of tennis...
ER
The whiteness all around is dazzling. The walls are white, the lights are bright, the doctors have white coat, the patients are covered in white sheets.
Whats all this about white in an ER?
Cheering up the atmosphere?
Whats all this about white in an ER?
Cheering up the atmosphere?
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Blah Blah Blah
Shrouded under mystery is the truth of the cliche "express your emotions freely." 'Shrouded', I use, as I myself have lost all belief in it, for my experiences in trying out an enterprise as the phrase suggests have always landed me, to put the blow softly, in a soup, whereas all those whom I know, grandiosely tilt the balance in favour of it, as evidently, their experiences in trying out schemes of the same aforementioned key have landed them, so to speak, amongst the Garden of Eden.
It is often said that being expressful of one's emotions is considered as being sentimental. Although being "senti" - as it is famously phrased - is considered as a part of life, it is also often ridiculed as leading one's own mind to astray and more importantly, it is attached to a person with a weak mind and one who has no control over it. [Since feelings are considered more a part of 'heart'-issue than the 'mind', I guess you can score off the 'mind' and replace with 'heart' in the previous sentence!]
Yet, as humans, one comes across situations in life invariably when one has to lay the facts bare, stop beating around the bush, and hit the button of "Moment of Truth." There is no use brooding what might happen if blah-blah-blah, or if I dont blah-blah-blah, for one will know only when the blah-blah-blah is blah-blah-blahed!!
And once the ball of the blah-blah-blah is atlast pushed across the court with as much power (and heart!) as one could muster, the recipient receives it in either of the two ways. [Mind you, if this blog was about just putting one's tender emotions toward another person, perhaps, sandal-slapping would have been one of the two ways, but then again, gone are those days. However, this blog is more about generic expressing of one's beliefs, emotions and thoughts about whatsoever topic to whomsoever it may concern]
Recipient could either hear it as the key to The Blue Skies, and swing in harmony with the blah-blah-blah and agree wholeheartedly, or as demurely and politely as one can enact such dramatic scenes, refuse to accept or acknowledge the rings of truth bearing in the blah-blah-blah. While it is true that the former will feel like 'One small step for man, one giant leap for humanity', the latter has an equivalent irreparable reverse effect of 'One small step for man, one giant leap into a sucking swamp.'
Or maybe the Providence backs only those who say the right things at the right time in the right way. Whatever it is, either Providence is not backing me up or my life has a lousy sense of timing or my mannerisms of putting the point across needs a lot of restructuring or, hitting the very core, perhaps my basic thinking has to be scrutinised, most of my frank outpourings of thoughts and emotions have left me to conclude, plainly and simply, that it should not be done! For in most cases, it has not just pulled me into the swamp, it has also pulled the recipient into a labyrinth of complications, and if there is one worst thing in life that can happen, it is putting someone else into pain for your sake.
It is hence that I started believing, "Somethings are best remained unsaid."
It is often said that being expressful of one's emotions is considered as being sentimental. Although being "senti" - as it is famously phrased - is considered as a part of life, it is also often ridiculed as leading one's own mind to astray and more importantly, it is attached to a person with a weak mind and one who has no control over it. [Since feelings are considered more a part of 'heart'-issue than the 'mind', I guess you can score off the 'mind' and replace with 'heart' in the previous sentence!]
Yet, as humans, one comes across situations in life invariably when one has to lay the facts bare, stop beating around the bush, and hit the button of "Moment of Truth." There is no use brooding what might happen if blah-blah-blah, or if I dont blah-blah-blah, for one will know only when the blah-blah-blah is blah-blah-blahed!!
And once the ball of the blah-blah-blah is atlast pushed across the court with as much power (and heart!) as one could muster, the recipient receives it in either of the two ways. [Mind you, if this blog was about just putting one's tender emotions toward another person, perhaps, sandal-slapping would have been one of the two ways, but then again, gone are those days. However, this blog is more about generic expressing of one's beliefs, emotions and thoughts about whatsoever topic to whomsoever it may concern]
Recipient could either hear it as the key to The Blue Skies, and swing in harmony with the blah-blah-blah and agree wholeheartedly, or as demurely and politely as one can enact such dramatic scenes, refuse to accept or acknowledge the rings of truth bearing in the blah-blah-blah. While it is true that the former will feel like 'One small step for man, one giant leap for humanity', the latter has an equivalent irreparable reverse effect of 'One small step for man, one giant leap into a sucking swamp.'
Or maybe the Providence backs only those who say the right things at the right time in the right way. Whatever it is, either Providence is not backing me up or my life has a lousy sense of timing or my mannerisms of putting the point across needs a lot of restructuring or, hitting the very core, perhaps my basic thinking has to be scrutinised, most of my frank outpourings of thoughts and emotions have left me to conclude, plainly and simply, that it should not be done! For in most cases, it has not just pulled me into the swamp, it has also pulled the recipient into a labyrinth of complications, and if there is one worst thing in life that can happen, it is putting someone else into pain for your sake.
It is hence that I started believing, "Somethings are best remained unsaid."
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
The Grass is Green
Such is the life of an employed that one cannot construe to derive any pleasures out of it, but yet goes through with it day in and day out in another one of those shoulder-needed-to-lean-on rigmaroles of life which a human has to endure nevertheless, not just for the sake of going through with it, but for a dual purpose of walking on the streets with head held high and chin up, as if challenging the rising of the Sun every day, and for the second more important reason of satisfying the tantrums of the once-in-three-hours scheduled rumbling tummy. It is at times like this that one wishes to go back to the aeons of the innocent schoolhood when all one has to do is study when its nearing exams, eat when mom forces and sleep an angel's sleep without a feather of a worry.
But then again comes the numbing memories of nerve racking experiences faced during schoolhood with sleepless nights and month long exams and incomprehensible Geometrical problems added with memorising mindless Economical Five year plans and unretentive Biological terms and what not. It is at times like those, when waiting for the school bus, there was a dream of that day of Graduation when atlast farewell is bid to education, followed by a nice pay-packet job, enabling to whiz away with one's own bike, and Vitamin M to flutter, leading to think that there will be no more tensions and no more nightouts and no more formulae to memorise.
Ironical!
But then again, as the wise men have said, the grass is always greener on the other side. Is there an "other side"?!!
But then again comes the numbing memories of nerve racking experiences faced during schoolhood with sleepless nights and month long exams and incomprehensible Geometrical problems added with memorising mindless Economical Five year plans and unretentive Biological terms and what not. It is at times like those, when waiting for the school bus, there was a dream of that day of Graduation when atlast farewell is bid to education, followed by a nice pay-packet job, enabling to whiz away with one's own bike, and Vitamin M to flutter, leading to think that there will be no more tensions and no more nightouts and no more formulae to memorise.
Ironical!
But then again, as the wise men have said, the grass is always greener on the other side. Is there an "other side"?!!
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
A Promise is a Promise
I am a great lover of movies. Blame it on genes perhaps. My granddad on mom's side is a movie freak. Even to this day he never misses any movie that comes on the local channels, be it a repeat telecast or a new one. And he enjoys it to the core and laughs the same infectious laugh which he would have laughed when he would have first seen it!
However, this inheritance of watching-all-movies-aired is not so much in me as much as it is in him, and I just taste the "few good ones". I tasted one such movie yesterday named "The End of the Affair" and was overwhelmed by it! Based on a novel by Graham Greene, this movie was fascinating in its screenplay. The flow of the story was gripping and was extremely touching in the end. Set in the background of the World War II, it depicts the story of a man and a woman who fall intensely in love. Needless to say, the story requiring it, there are quite a few scenes which ought not to be seen with children playing around, but the point I would like to emphasise more on is crude nature of life that set me thinking, can Man win against Fate?
This blog is not related to the first para (my liking for movies) nor related to the second para (review of 'The End of the Affair'). This is more to do with a miraculous scene in the movie wherein one sacrifices for the betterment of the loved one by way of a promise, and when the loved one really gets better, would one be strong enough to hold onto the promise? As its mentioned in the movie "I took a promise and challenged Fate, and Fate accepted it. But then, now I realise, I am just a weak human. I cannot hold onto my promise. I am tired. I cannot go on any longer fighting. I have failed."
That set me thinking. Will I fail too?
However, this inheritance of watching-all-movies-aired is not so much in me as much as it is in him, and I just taste the "few good ones". I tasted one such movie yesterday named "The End of the Affair" and was overwhelmed by it! Based on a novel by Graham Greene, this movie was fascinating in its screenplay. The flow of the story was gripping and was extremely touching in the end. Set in the background of the World War II, it depicts the story of a man and a woman who fall intensely in love. Needless to say, the story requiring it, there are quite a few scenes which ought not to be seen with children playing around, but the point I would like to emphasise more on is crude nature of life that set me thinking, can Man win against Fate?
This blog is not related to the first para (my liking for movies) nor related to the second para (review of 'The End of the Affair'). This is more to do with a miraculous scene in the movie wherein one sacrifices for the betterment of the loved one by way of a promise, and when the loved one really gets better, would one be strong enough to hold onto the promise? As its mentioned in the movie "I took a promise and challenged Fate, and Fate accepted it. But then, now I realise, I am just a weak human. I cannot hold onto my promise. I am tired. I cannot go on any longer fighting. I have failed."
That set me thinking. Will I fail too?
Friday, May 05, 2006
Communication
Date : May 1st 2006
Location : Onsite
Mode of communication : Yahoo Messenger
A to B : "Is X coming onsite?"
B does not know.
Date : May 2nd 2006
Location : Onsite
Mode of communication : Email
B to C : "X might come onsite. Right?"
C does not know.
Date : May 2nd 2006
Location : Onsite
Mode of communication : Mobile Phone
C to D : "I heard X is coming onsite. True?"
D does not know.
Date : May 2nd 2006
Location : Onsite (to Offshore)
Mode of communication : Orkut
D to E : "X is coming onsite."
E does not know.
Date : May 3rd 2006
Location : Offshore
Mode of communication : SMS
E to X : "You are going onsite."
X does not know.
Date : May 3rd 2006
Location : Offshore
Mode of communication : Verbal
X to Manager : "Am I going onsite?"
Manager to X : "No."
Location : Onsite
Mode of communication : Yahoo Messenger
A to B : "Is X coming onsite?"
B does not know.
Date : May 2nd 2006
Location : Onsite
Mode of communication : Email
B to C : "X might come onsite. Right?"
C does not know.
Date : May 2nd 2006
Location : Onsite
Mode of communication : Mobile Phone
C to D : "I heard X is coming onsite. True?"
D does not know.
Date : May 2nd 2006
Location : Onsite (to Offshore)
Mode of communication : Orkut
D to E : "X is coming onsite."
E does not know.
Date : May 3rd 2006
Location : Offshore
Mode of communication : SMS
E to X : "You are going onsite."
X does not know.
Date : May 3rd 2006
Location : Offshore
Mode of communication : Verbal
X to Manager : "Am I going onsite?"
Manager to X : "No."
Monday, May 01, 2006
Picture Perfect
The waves lapped at my feet. The sand around was warm. The breeze was light. It was a clear blue sky. The sun rays was just about perfect. A serene atmosphere. Picture of peace and tranquility.
I gazed out at the ocean. It was just water, water and water all round, stretching for miles and miles, from east to west, till the horizon became a dim and thin margin between the ocean and the azure sky.
There was something about an ocean which always kept me in rapt attention. It made me gaze at it for hours together without getting bored. Perhaps it is due to the enormity and near-omnipresence Divine feel. The silence in the air brought clarity to thought. The swish-swashing of the waves was like God trying to listen to one's thoughts. I could relate to the feeling of being "One with the Universe."
She was sitting beside me. I looked at her and gave her a smile. She smiled back. There were a thousand things going on in my head and I wanted to tell a hundred of them to her, and yet, I didnt, and nor did she prod me. I am sure the same thoughts were going through her. There was a mutual respect for each other's personal space. In spite of no conversation, we felt at ease, and there was nothing awkward about the companionable silence.
Just her very presence added that much more charm to the already beautiful natural setting. I felt blessed and did not want the blissfulness to end. The past did not worry me and nor did the future, while I sank in the perfect harmony of the present.
It was one of those rare occasions when one feels the swelling joy of Life being complete.
I gazed out at the ocean. It was just water, water and water all round, stretching for miles and miles, from east to west, till the horizon became a dim and thin margin between the ocean and the azure sky.
There was something about an ocean which always kept me in rapt attention. It made me gaze at it for hours together without getting bored. Perhaps it is due to the enormity and near-omnipresence Divine feel. The silence in the air brought clarity to thought. The swish-swashing of the waves was like God trying to listen to one's thoughts. I could relate to the feeling of being "One with the Universe."
She was sitting beside me. I looked at her and gave her a smile. She smiled back. There were a thousand things going on in my head and I wanted to tell a hundred of them to her, and yet, I didnt, and nor did she prod me. I am sure the same thoughts were going through her. There was a mutual respect for each other's personal space. In spite of no conversation, we felt at ease, and there was nothing awkward about the companionable silence.
Just her very presence added that much more charm to the already beautiful natural setting. I felt blessed and did not want the blissfulness to end. The past did not worry me and nor did the future, while I sank in the perfect harmony of the present.
It was one of those rare occasions when one feels the swelling joy of Life being complete.
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