Clouded Mind

It was one of those moments when it seemed the chips were down and the weight of the world was on the shoulders. A scowl-ish frowning face, perplexed eye brows, irritating countenance and defeated strides just about summed me up squarely. The pain points were all around. And pricking at leisure. And having a good laugh about my dancing discomfiture.

As can be extrapolated from the previous post, my vocation is not all that great, what with the conscience hitting me out for justice not being made to either the role or the pay packet. Nor is the job something for which I am cut out for and be proud about. Suddenly, just being a Bachelor doesn’t seem enough.

The threat of marriage looming over my head like a guillotine. “Started searching?” (Pulling Leg), “You are next” (Sneer), “Line clear” (Teethful), “Still single?” (Shocked). Blessed are those who aren’t in this situation.

And then, the “ordinary guy” is having its effects on me. I seem to be stamped with an all-time mediocrity skill level in anything I do. Be it sports or academics or talent or job. My IQ isn’t all that great either. Master of none, is a huge negative point.

So on and so forth.

With a clouded mind, I looked out of my room window. I saw neighbour’s maid clearing out some clothes. I reflected on her life. I had been seeing her since almost a decade now. She had no education. To sustain her life and her family’s, she was into being a house-maid at a very early age. To make ends meet, she catered to a number of houses, and sometimes stayed late during special festivals so that she could earn quick money. Before she would know, she would perhaps be married to a man whom she wouldn’t have set eyes on, however brute of a male he might be. To her, IQ hardly mattered nor could she transform her desire of any sports or talent to any reality.

She didn’t have a career. She had to worry about her next meal everyday as there was always a constant threat of getting fired. Her bleak future had little or no hopes as she didn’t have education. She always wore sad-looking attire.

And here I was, sitting on a comfortable foam-filled mattress-cot with a ceiling fan. I had all other comforts right there. A television set, a laptop, a DVD player, some DVDs, some music CDs, some novels, etc. Most of which she wouldn’t have experienced as one of her own. I have never had to struggle and work to earn my next meal. Compared to the environs from where she was born and circumstances which led her to being what she is, I felt I am zillion times luckier than her but yet, here I was, harping on my pain points.

Clouded mind? Chips down? Weight of the world? Pain points?

Who am I kidding.

Saturday through Tuesday

Days prior to Saturday:

It was a really, really long weekend!
Saturday through Tuesday!
After a very long time!
I was happy.

So, plans started revolving around Goa for four full days!
But we were short of people, as each had his own prior commitments.
Out went Trip to Goa.
I was sad.

Still, there were four of us enthusiasts and one more tentative.
Decided to go to Yercaud in Tamil Nadu (and nearby places) for three days.
So, I booked a cab for Sunday through Tuesday.
I was happy.

Saturday:

The cab was not yet confirmed for Sunday.
I couldn’t get any tickets or passes for the Ind V Aus cricket at Bangalore.
Whole world seemed against me for the long weekend.
I was sad.

Fortune favours the brave and luck favours those with pluck.
I went to stadium with no hope, but got tickets in black.
I paid seven times the ticket value but I didnt care.
I was ecstatic.

Atmosphere within stadium was electric!
A nod by a player towards us was sufficient for us to go in uproars!
Electronic display focusing occasionally on a lady created a euphoria!
I was all smiles.

Meanwhile, the cab got confirmed for Sunday.
Perhaps Goa getting cancelled was for good: I got to see match live in stadium!
Whole world seemed to be with me for the long weekend!
I was happy.

After Aussies had piled up 307 and Sachin out for a duck, alas, the rain started.
I had sacrificed a wonderful RKP vocal concert at my Music School, for cricket.
And here I was, seeing rain for three full hours, until match was called off.
I was devastated.

Fortune favours the brave and luck favours those with pluck?
I took back my prayer of thanking the Lord for sending a messiah with ticket.
Then, the Tentative one messaged saying he was backing out of Yercaud.
I was all scowls.

Evening News said Bundh in Tamil Nadu.
With just four of us, it was going to cost us dear.
Whole world seemed against me for the long weekend.
I was sad.

Sunday:

Did a quick search on net and found alternate to Yercaud.
Bandipur national forest seemed encouraging.
Only to find the Bundh postponed by a day.
I was happy.

So, off we went to Yercaud, as per original plans.
As is with all trips, nice conversations and humour rolled.
Even as we reached Yercaud, the threat of Bundh next day prevailed.
I was confused.

Monfort Convent, Lady’s Seat and Pogoda Point were nice places.
But we finished visiting attractions in Yercaud within two hours.
We thought of moving into Karnataka and staying over at BR Hills.
I was neither sad nor happy.

But on our way downhill, we decided to head back to Bangalore.
And so, after even more interesting conversations, we were back.
The days and days of planning for long weekend ending up with a day long trip.
I was neither happy nor sad.

Monday:

But this opened up new opportunities.
And since I felt like driving, I took my parents to Ghati.
A nice picturesque ride in the country for about an hour and a half.
I was exhilarated.

A nice two-sided idol in the temple.
But a rather crowded road on the journey back.
Snacks at Chalukya.
I was exhausted.

Tuesday:

A nice relaxing eight hour good night’s sleep.
Refreshing shuttle badminton.
Violin practice and violin class.
I was satisfied.

A cricket match on which I had absolutely no expectations.
Some monthly domestic activities, and a couple of good blogs.
Thus came to an end, the long, long weekend.
I was content.

Days after Tuesday:

I was miserable.

Indian IT

So. I am a Bachelor of Engineering in Electronics and Communication. I do not know two cents worth of any subject in Electronics and Communication. The Bachelors degree was just a certificate of completion of basic qualification to be worthy of a decent job.

So, I got a job as software professional. Been around for 5 years now and there is nothing professional about it. For all practical purposes, it is just a job to earn bread.

But, I feel, I am not just earning bread but cheese, butter and jam as well, in good quantities. However, ‘good’ is a relative terminology. Whats ‘good’ to me, is not really ‘good’ for most. If revealed to some of my friends, who are in the same industry for the same duration, either overseas or local, ‘good’ is ‘shocking’ to them. Suffice it to say that if I get home one loaf of bread, job-hopping folks, or those overseas, will get three loaves. Well, no job other than Indian IT ever gives a 40% hike, do they? So what then is stopping me from job-hopping or going abroad?

Honestly, I think I am getting more than what I actually deserve. More of a conscience thing, really. I think most Indian IT professionals get more than what they actually deserve. I mean, there are lots of other non-IT people who are experts in their professions, who are passionate about what they do, know in and out of things they work with, who work day in and day out just for the love of it, and earn abysmally low wages. Those, I feel, are the ones who really deserve more than what they are earning.

People who are doing great service to humanity, like doctors, hardly get paid in spite of their 24 hour shifts in their initial years. Teachers, lecturers and professors, who play such an important role to nurture the next generation to compete in the global arena, can hardly make ends meet. A career in teaching is laughed at. Other important professionals like air traffic controllers, who have a nerve-racking job of constant controlling and management of airplanes for 8 continuous hours, in different shifts, seven days a week, are paid a paltry sum. Come to think of it even the road traffic controllers standing in the sun, rain, pollution, just to make life easy for commuters, are hardly paid.

Innumerous such professions exist. The construction workers building mega structures but having nary a good home for themselves. The garbage cleaners working in stench for the hygiene of others. The civil services like army, air force are having dearth of officers as many are willing for good pay IT jobs than a 5 am disciplined wake-up call and constant transfers. IT has had an impact even in villages. And marriages. Girls in villages prefer village grooms who have gone abroad or metro-settled IT guys resulting in pitiable state of those sons of farmers opting to stay back as farmers, paying dowry to get brides! Forget villages. Even city gals prefer high pay packet IT guys with posh cars as opposed to any other profession.

Last week, a government bus driver accidentally hit a car and smashed its windshield. The car owner asked Rs 9000 to avoid making it as a police case which would have suspended the driver. The driver had 18 years of flawless record and had earned a gold medal. But he cried in front of the car owner as he was unable to pay that huge an amount as it was almost his month’s salary. Rs 9000 monthly salary after 18 years of constant driving service. Speaks volumes, doesn’t it?

So how then do we have such huge disparity of wages between IT and non-IT jobs? The answer is pretty simple. Indian IT mainly revolves around international (read US) jobs. Majority of IT jobs in India are fallout of the now-infamous word ‘Outsourcing’. Which really implies that jobs that are really meant for US workforce are being shipped to Indian subcontinent for lower wages and better talent. Lower wages, that is for US, but considerably good wages for Indian employees because an Indian employee is now getting paid in dollars albeit half the amount which he would have received if he were doing the same job in US. Which is a good enough pay packet to sustain in India.

But IT outsourcing was good for a number of reasons. Less unemployment. Rather more demand for jobs than supply from engineering institutes. Better pay meant better standard of living. Literally meaning posh cars, luxury houses, international air travel, etc. Which meant more employment in other industries like vehicle production, apartment construction, airline industries, etc. to quote the same examples. More income tax for Indian Government, more inflow for State infrastructure development, land revenues sky-rocketing. Even the common man has profited out of IT. Rupee value hence appreciates. Its like a chain reaction. Indians are now all across the globe. Come to think of it, now is the right time to start World War III! With Indians all over, India can walk over the opponents and start ruling the World! Well, aren’t we doing that already…

Lure of IT (read money) also had its effects on many. If we had all IT companies working for Indian counterpart jobs (like majority of non IT jobs currently), for example, billing in retail markets, maintaining registration of vehicles and licenses, banking applications, railway ticketing, etc., instead of working for US projects, we wouldn’t really have such huge disparity in wages. Which is what you see in US. There is not much difference in the pay packets of an IT professional or a professor or an army official. Which creates hence an atmosphere to concentrate on a dream career than go for the money. Lure of money is what has made many young Indians sacrifice their dream careers. However dissatisfied they are with it. But no outsourcing would also have resulted in huge unemployment due to India’s next biggest problem of population explosion. So, we have a vicious loop.

Also, IT outsourcing is sometimes seen with a smirk. ‘How is the coolie job going?’ is a common phrase when two people meet up. Come to think of it, when two people meet up, they are generally in IT industry. And might even be working for same company. At least one of your cousins or someone in the same locality will definitely be in the same company as yours. This non disparity in jobs and monotonous area of work rather adds a dull colour to life. With many whom I know, there is no pride in telling what one works on and where on works for. It is almost an insult to reply and it is a constant dread when someone asks ‘Where are you working?’ Reply is next to ‘Unemployed.’

This is mainly because, more often than not, the IT jobs outsourced is considered as low-end. Every Tom, Dick and Harry graduating now are in IT industry, irrespective of Tom's field of study or Dick’s grades or Harry's institute. Which in effect makes just a Bachelor’s degree absolutely ineffective. A survey conducted showed India being in late twentieth position for jobs on cutting-edge IT technology. Needless to say, research in IT is more encouraged in US and other developed countries than India. Another survey conducted showed that IT professionals in India contributed very less for open source development (software developed for free usage by any one), whereas the same Indian professionals, after shifting abroad, were very much into open source development. Which clearly shows the nature of Indian IT industry.

Having said that, I must admit, things are getting better. There is a lot of push by software giants to publish technical papers on IT. There is encouragement to work on the field of study in parallel with IT (IT goes hand-in-hand with all other industries anyway!) Research departments are sprouting and IT marketing professionals are tending towards IT consultancy. Innovation and Tool development is being mandated to enthuse life. Of course, all this goes well for getting more US projects! But more importantly, this is to outscore the innumerous software 'shops' that are cropping up on every road! On an exaggerated humourous note, the day is not far off when we can see software vendors (like vegetable vendors) on the streets shouting 'Softwareeeeeeeeee'!!

Well, that’s how a software life is all about in Indian IT right now. It definitely is a topic to talk about in a social gathering. And, as they say, a perfect “blog-material”.

India win Twenty 20 Cricket World Cup!

Screaming throats!
Soaring adrenaline!

Fists pumping!
Uncontrolled jumping!

Once in a lifetime match!
India Vs Pakistan World Cup Final!

Match alive till the very last over!
India winning a humdinger!

One of the greatest days in Indian Cricket history!
Never imagined such happiness!

Cricket is more than a religion!
Its a die-hard passion!

Well, if I dont stop myself now, I can keep on writing all night!
So, let me stop myself, by signing off with a simple, yet heart-felt:

CONGRATULATIONS!

Thought for the day

Why does it start?
Why does it end?
Why do I come in the way?

Perhaps one of the five will tell me.

"Line clear for your marriage now!"

Boy. Am I tired of hearing this.

8 to 8

Left home at 8.00 am.
Reached office at 11.30 am.

Left office at 5.00 pm.
Reached home at 8.00 pm.

Home is Jayanagar, Bangalore.
Office is Electronic City, Bangalore.

Home to Office is 14 kms.
Office to Home is 8.7 miles.

Thanks to heavy downpour.
And the Hosur Road water clogging.

5.5 hours of work.
6.5 hours of commute.

Lure of the America

Brother’s wedding. The time was about 3 pm. We had just finished lunch. But the rituals were still going on. It had been exhausting. Activities all through the day and previous day as well. I was sitting by myself. I felt I needed time for myself.

Suddenly the person sitting in front looked back at me. She was an old, frail woman in her late fifties. By her countenance, she seemed to be employed in the role of a governess or a maid-servant by one of the bride’s relatives. She asked me a question in Kannada:

“Are you the groom’s brother?”
“Yes,” I replied with a smile. The same smile that one has to employ when speaking to the multitude of unknown populace at a function. The same smile which one has when one says “Nidhaanavaagi koothikolli” when lunch is being served (literal translation leading to “Sit down slowly” but actually means “Have lunch comfortably”). Plastic smile, as it is called.

Wanting to be by myself, I didn’t follow up with a question of my own to enquire of her relation, if any. I just didn’t like having a conversation then. But the old woman was sitting by herself and I figured she felt like having a conversation. So she started explaining her relation to the bride herself. It was a long monologue, half of which I didn’t bother hearing but I got the gist of it and my guess was right. I just kept on the plastic smile and constant nod. That works for most conversations.

“So, where does the groom work?” she asked
“In America,” I replied shortly. One tends to learn to what extent an answer has to be given at functions like this, solely based on with whom one is talking, and to what extent the recipient would like the question answered. I remembered how I spoke about my brother’s occupation for about 5 minutes to a friend of mine who had asked me the same question just an hour ago. However, this answer was magnanimous in its own way for the old woman.

“Will he take the bride with him?”
“Yes.” She seemed happy. A fortunate thing to have happened to someone you know since a kid.

Just then, someone called and I got up to leave with a respectful nod, conveying end of conversation. But she said something that struck a chord in me. “Nimgu chance sikkidre hogbidi.” (“If you get a chance, you should go off to US too”).

Now, here is someone whom I hardly know and who hardly knows me. She is frail, old, and by her appearance and occupation, did not seem to have left India nor seemed to be the type to ever visit USA. And yet, here she is, wishing me the best of the World, wishing me to settle down in the Great Land of Opportunities and Luxury. USA, as it is for many, is for her too, like the Heavenly Paradise sent to Earth where only the Lucky Few get to live in a constant state of Wonderment and Happiness.

But I wasn’t sure which was more fascinating.

The lure of the America which has spread its widespread net over even on mediocre bourgeois thousands of miles away?

Or an anonymous woman wishing me apparently ‘The Best of the Worlds’?

Thought for the day

In the past, I was known for my patience and decorum.
But, off late, I am experiencing a mercurial temper.

Is it good to speak out frankly and prove a point?
Or is it better to swallow the stinging thought and accept the situation?

Perhaps there is a way to speak out without actually stinging...

Navaratna's Navaratnas

There is no true meaning of life. Jeevanadalli artha kalpiskobeku.

Nobody is a saint… and all saints have a history.

Paramatma is whimsical. Sigbekagirodu sigalla...innello yeneno sigatte. Life is like that.

Not all friendships are marriage worthy. And some relationships and friendships are as best left there but are all so clouded by our emotions that we rarely see it and it is possible to love someone without wanting to marry him.

One’s life partner should be everything that one is and many things that one wanted to be.

For everything, desha kaala varthamana yella koodi barbeku.

What a needle can do, a sword cannot.

You just have to make that blind leap in faith and believe you can do it. Bhanda dhairya irbeku lifenalli…Appa amma maTa ooru keri nodidare agalla…adakke satyada haadi yavattu kasta.

The satisfaction that one gets for having designed a life for oneself - thats the kill. The thrill is in the journey. The destination is inconsequential.

-D

I want to...

I want to learn Carnatic Music.
I want to play Carnatic on my violin.
I want to sing Carnatic.

I want to learn Mathematics.
I want to learn Applied Sciences.
I want to learn Aeronautics.

I want to read different types of novels.
I want to read books that instigate a thought.
I want to see movies that touch lives.

I want to be a motivating orator.
I want to be a professional writer.
I want to teach kids.

I want to donate.
I want to do meaningful work.
I want to change people’s lives.

I want to learn swimming.
I want to play badminton.
I want to practice yoga.

I want to roam around the world.
I want to see all of Nature’s beauty.
I want to reduce global warming.

I want to break free.

There is no end.

Thought for the day

Lost Dreams....

An Inconvenient Truth

I remember the joy when Bend it like Beckham was telecasted as part of our training program when I joined Dell to enable us with UK accent. Apart from the ‘enabling’ part, it was everything else! I mean, to be shown a movie and to be paid for it as part of your salary, was, for me, one of the greatest things that can ever happen!

Imagine my joy when I was told that Infosys was telecasting An Inconvenient Truth! Not only was it just a movie, it was one of the most sought-after DVDs that I had ever wanted to see. I had failed in my attempts to get it in US and here I was, being invited to see it, at the royal, corporate, MC Hall in Infosys with all its grandeur and splendour!

But the documentary itself was what I expected it to be and more. An inconvenient truth is a truly amazing documentary which has to be seen by one and all. As quickly as possible. It throws shocking statistics about Global Warming and how miniscule our awareness and effort is to reduce it. How catastrophic the disaster we are causing to ourselves and to mankind. How shockingly everything on this earth is related to Global warming and how little we are doing about it.

From weather inconsistencies to new diseases propping up in Medical Science. From new dangerous species of animals to old ones’ extinction. From calm and soothing to unsettling and disturbed. From life to death.

Ironically, before I saw the documentary, I had just attended a meeting from a higher-up who was speaking gravely of how individual project teams were not adhering to logging actual time worked in the system. He went on length and discussed how critical it is to log time and track it. As if it was a matter of life and death. And then I saw this movie. How miniscule it is, our thought, when we have such actual, real issues facing us, our lives, our very existence, which science has proved beyond any doubt that we are nearing Doomsday and that should be our focused attention, and everything else is minor.

Is there any grave talk of telling project teams to switch the monitor, lights and fan off when they are leaving for the day? Is there any meetings organized to audit/appreciate/feedback one’s overall contribution of carbon-di-oxide to environment? I mean, these are actual issues of the world which are indeed matter of life and death.

Someone else dies at the other end of the world if we are ethically incorrect human beings. If the sea water rises, we will have about a million refugees. I read in the paper that thickness of cornea is decreasing because of global warming. Mosquitoes and flies are now seen on mountain tops as the weather on mountain tops is warmer. Ecological system is getting damaged. Penguins are not finding ice glaciers to rest.

Interestingly, according to a result released, US is the highest contributor of Carbon di oxide and one of the least bothered about global warming while India is vice versa. Yet, global warming is something that has to be dealt with irrespective of cast, creed and country. For if we don’t, we all are destined to suffer.

It is, as it is rightly named, An Inconvenient Truth.

A perfect weekend

This Friday…
…Our work unit celebrations in the evening. Not to mention the gifts and ethnic dress. The customary song, dance, skit, awards, snacks, dinner and DJ. While everything was good, it was spellbinding experience to see the throng shaking to the tunes of the DJ. Such liveliness, such happiness, such joviality, everyone on the dance floor being as if on a high, groups forming their own choreography, some dancing for none but themselves in great consternation and dedication, some pairing up intimately. This was true celebration.
…Such celebration existed when I joined Infosys 5 years ago and it will exist 5 years hence. It would have existed 5 years before I joined and will exist 10 years hence. But then, while I am sure it will still be a captivating sight just to see, I guess, I will be just a tad too old even to derive pleasure out of simply seeing.
…But something that touched a chord was the sight of people taking awards for various sports, quiz and games category. While I used to participate at least in some events during college life, in my professional life, I just stopped. Not sure why, but somewhere I lost it all. All participation mails are ignored and I am content to be a clapper. Am I already “tad too old”?

This Saturday…
…The usual Violin class and practice.
…Domestic chores and relaxation.
…A wonderful Carnatic vocal concert at Gayana Samaja by Sanjay Subrahmaniam.

This Sunday…
…The monthly offerings to late grandparents followed by the feast at Mutt.
…A game of Scrabble with cousins. One of my favourites. I scored the least, but I enjoyed helping them all!
…Movie theatre with family, for the first time since my return to India. Thoroughly enjoyed.

All in all, a perfect weekend. Others’ dance, my violin, an expert’s concert, a religious feast, a mind tingling game and a hilarious movie! Sometimes, its just as good as it gets!

Thought for the day

How would the world be if there were no colours?
How would the world be if there was no paint?

Maruti

It was a Maruti
It is still a Maruti

It almost looks same
Yet it is better

11 long years it was
With unblemished record

And memories of good trips
As well as embarrassing experiences

Yet it’s sad to let something go
That which somehow feels as if it is one of us

But flowers fall and flowers bloom
And so we shower the warm welcome

With traditional Pooja to make it sacred
And hopes of continued stainless record

For the good of one and all
For years and years together

For the first time
I can now proudly say

It is indeed my own
Down to the last hard-earned penny

After the trendy cell
Comes this another change

It’s a small change
Yet it’s still a change

Thought for the day

Everybody is great in their own way...

Thought for the day

Why do I live so much in the past?

Thought for the day

Sometimes I know that what I am doing has no bearing whatsoever.

Its got nothing to do with my past.
It doesnt bring me happiness or satisfaction in the present.
It wont change my future.

And yet I do it.
And I have no idea why.

Thought for the day

Well, its always about others' happiness, isnt it?